o

Juanita’s good friend, E. Claire from Jarrell, Texas, send her a bright light idea.

E. Claire’s friend, one Ms. Elizabeth Moon of literary fame and fortune but missing a professional political organization of her own  on the internets, sent E. Claire this email  —

Someone you know will know how to organize this…but I think Ms. Lowden needs campaign contributions in the form of live chickens, ducks, geese, turkeys, peafowl, emus, etc. delivered straight to her campaign headquarters. Each neatly labeled with the amount of the contribution, of course, so she will have to report it as income.

E.

Does anyone know here I can get live chickens, delivered, alive and clucking?

I do know where to get live gators.  I do not, however, know how to ship them without really, really pissin’ them off before they get there.  Once they arrive, I frankly don’t care.

I need real bad to do this, but the logistics have me baffled.  Suggestions, customers?

o

The good folks over at one of my favorite places to hang out might better get a voodoo doll and some pins because they might have hit the nail on the head.

U.S. forecaster sees increased 2010 hurricane threat

The 2010 Atlantic hurricane season will produce an above-average eight hurricanes, four of them major, posing a heightened threat to the U.S. coastline, the Colorado State University hurricane forecasting team predicted on Wednesday.

In its second forecast in four months for the 2010 season, the leading storm research team founded by hurricane forecast pioneer William Gray said the six-month season beginning on June 1 would likely see 15 named tropical storms.

Juanita has a theory that we are way too nice to hurricanes.

“We give them nice names like Carla or Katrina or Ida.  That’s obviously not working.  We can’t name them after awful people like  Jerry Falwell or Sarah Palin or Liz Cheney because the last damn thing a hurricane needs is more hot air,” she admits.

“However, if someone would announce that Liz Cheney is coming to town and she’s packing 150 mile per hour winds and lotsa tornadoes and three-fourths of the Gulf of Mexico, people would most assuredly believe it and leave town.  They are not likely to believe that about something named Bonnie or Colin.  Everybody knows that Bonnie is all talk and no action and Colin?  Colin?  Colin is a wimp.  You know that.”

“I think we should quit calling them hurricanes and start calling them Pissed-Off Backhoes With Teeth.  That’ll make people move.”

She’s right, you know.

o

Things have shut down at the beauty salon for us to call and check on friends and family in Austin today.

Austin customers, please check in.

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Juanita is ordering new business cards.  We’re serious about this.  You cannot be a serious business without serious business cards.

Let us know which one you like.  The backs of these cards have contact information for Susan, Juanita’s close, personal friend.

I know this is a tough choice.  We ordered 100 of all three before making a final decision and we still can’t decide.  Pick 1, 2, 0r 3 and let me know.

We’ve added a new dohicky thingamabob here at the beauty salon.

If you’ll click to go to the comments section on any post, you’ll see some adorable little icons right above where you comment.  Hover your mouse over them and words magically appear.  We spare no expense in bringing you the latest in fancy pants technology.

With one click of the button, you can email a post or put it on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social networking time sponge you’re using.

I want to thank our customer Irene who told us about this little trick.  We now have some of the bells and whistles that the bloggers do but we are not a blog.  I am horribly under-qualified to be a blogger.

Juanita feels compelled to comment on Jenny Sanford, Gov. Mark’s Sanford soon to be the Ex-Mrs. Wonderful, and her interview with Barbara Walters.

South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford recalls how she made the “leap of faith” to marry husband Gov. Mark Sanford even though the groom refused to promise to be faithful, insisting that the clause be removed from their wedding vows.

“Honey, if a man wants to write his own marriage vows, that’s fine,” she postulates.  “However, if those vows include you being in charge of taking out the garbage, Washing the truck, and doing all the cooking,” you might want to stop meeting men under the glow of neon lights.”

She’s just saying.