Beware of Brown People. They Are Up To No Good.
Aladamnbama is Texas with six more rebel flags and two extra adult bookstores.
Alan Harper is an Alabama Republican state representative with fifty or sixty fewer IQ points than the rest of the state.
He took to Facebook and posted this warning for all you Christian God Fearing Americans.
I mean, I’m certainly no writing professional, but wouldn’t it have been easier to say only buy from white people?
I like that he’s aware that he’s “painting with a broad brush,” because I’m aware that he’s “acting like a damn fool” and exhibiting “narrow-mindedness with a small brush.”
This dude is so narrow-minded that he can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
Here’s some extra commentary that Harper kindly provided.
Harper later responded to a commenter’s questions about how you would know where to shop with this advice: “Look behind the cash register. Most are owner/operators.”
So, we are looking for brown people with Christmas lights. Damn. That means I gotta quit buying gas at Lopez’s Gas and Tacos where the motto is, “Buy the tacos, you’ll get the gas.”
One question: Can I buy gas from a brown person if they don’t have Christmas lights? Are the lights the secret signal among brown people? If so, Holy Crap! my whole neighborhood is Isis.
Thanks to Rufus Firefly for the heads up.
And Jesus wept.
1God ole boy Alan’s State Website, that doesn’t work!
http://www.legislature.state.al.us/aliswww/Representative.aspx?OID_SPONSOR=85975&OID_PERSON=5539
But this does!
CAPITOL OFFICE:
2Suite 403-B
11 S. Union Street
Montgomery, AL 36130
Phone: 334-242-7732
Email: salanharper@gmail.com
Uhh, Christians won’t have lights around their windows and doors? Sure. Okay.
Are we talking about Christmas lights or, you know, just lights? Lights that indicate the store is open, or helpfully allow you to find your way into the building at night? Christians wouldn’t have those lights?
None of his blather makes any sense.
I’m amazed (and kind of sad) that this person ever figured out how to breathe out after breathing in.
3Nefer: I’m amazed (and kind of sad) that this person ever figured out how to breathe out after breathing in.
I am SO stealing that!
4I can see walking into every store and asking if they’re owned by “God fearing Christians”….
What if they’re God-loving Christians? I mean, what is the use of a religion if you’ve got to be afraid of your god all the time? Seems like a waste of piety to me. And what if they’re Jewish, or agnostic, or atheist, or just don’t give a flip? And what if they *are* Muslim, the vast majority of whom don’t fund terrorists? Or what if they’re Latino and you *think* they’re Muslim because you’re an ignorant bigot?
And what if they’re “God fearing Christians” who have incited murder and arson by spreading lies about Planned Parenthood? I certainly don’t want to support those jackwagons with my money. I guess I should ask about that.
5I believe one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to reach in the course of my life was deciding some small percentage of folks you come across are irredeemable @$$ holes and there’s damn little you can do about it except try to live better than they do. This guy would definitely fall into that category.
6Perspective can be fun! My first ride through the south as a boy, I was struck by all the KKKristian churches and their lighting schemes seemingly borrowed from the Las Vegas Strip. Churches in neon. Wow! And, the tents!
As for KKKristian gas refined from OPEC oil, is it ok if I pump my own or do I need to check the pedigree of the station owner before pumping? My old rule was “needle approaching empty” stop and fill. Oh hell, let’s go with a little Jackson Browne.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97wzV3KCM0I
Oh yeah, Running on Empty sure sounds like a snacilbupeR conservative plan.
7Sweet Jesus … what ignorance!!!
8So he apparently thinks we should avoid gas stations with vintage signage. (AKA lights around things, which is not really recommended now in a lot of design guidelines.)
Because religion.
Okay. (Backs slowly away from Alabama.)
9The solution is simple: make all non-Jesus fearing people easy to identify.
Lets start by clearly marking their stores with symbols drawn on the front windows.
Then lets force non-Jesus fearing people to wear a symbol on their clothes.
If we force them all to live in the same neighborhood it will be easier to keep our eyes on them.
If the neighborhood gets too crowded, we could move them to special relocation centers for easier processing.
Of course, Jesus-fearing people can do their part by reporting non-Jesus fearing people to the proper authorities. They could also develop nifty uniforms (all black for modesty of course) and a new greeting, maybe a raised right arm?
10So this is what this guy does when he ors not have his mommy to protect him!
11This dude is so narrow-minded that he can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
May I quote you? (As I wipe the tea off the keyboard)
12Sigh.
13You better be careful some of these places also sell pork sandwiches and hamburgers.
14“In large part, these stores are owned by folk that send their profits back to their homeland and then in turn use these funds against our country to create turmoil, fear and in some cases death and destruction.”
Now substitute the words “Fox News” instead of “these stores” – and he might be on the right track.
15Well, I do agree that the madness has to stop. I just have a different definition of madness.
16So I read recently where a medical doctor had removed the brain of a cadaver as part of a classroom for medical doctor larvae. Then following the lecture the cadaver came up missing and so far as I have read was never found. I’ll email the medical school with the address @Fred Farklestone provided. Apparently the brainless cadaver wound up being elected to public office in Alabama. Who knew? Who could tell the difference?
17Yes, Lynn, Rep. Harper makes one statement we can all endorse. “The madness has to stop.”
18The republi-Klan is laying the base for white power and cloaking it in religious sanctimony. The “broad brush” technique is actually incitement, and that’s how the game is played.
So narrow minded he only needs the one eyebrow.
19Tom Matthews –
Given the prevalence of Unibrows, that criterion might not work.
20