Barstool endorses Hillary

July 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

By Primo Encarnación y Hachecristo

My uncle, Jimmy “Barstool” Grobnik, has always been characterized by people who know him as “pragmatic.” Some also characterize him as “drunk,” “lazy,” “good-for-nothing,” “money-grubbing,” and “spineless.” But charitable people who know him and own a thesaurus translate “spineless” as “pragmatic.”

Even so, he threw me for a loop the other day when he suggested that Bernie Sanders and Bill Clinton were lovers. My spit-take sent Old Style beer across the polished mahogany of Pete’s Bar, but as it was a Tuesday afternoon and the only people in the place were me and Barstool, I avoided the automatic ejection. I went behind the bar – Pete was napping in a lawnchair on the sidewalk – got a towel and a refill, and asked him to run that by me again.

Turns out, what Uncle Barstool meant to say was that “Bernie Sanders is the girl you date, but Hillary is the girl you marry.” But he’d been on that same corner stool since the Cubs got no-hit by the Phillies – he may have slept on the pool table – so his transmission was garbled.

There was nothing wrong with his instincts, however, because he and the rest of the extended Hachecristo family have all made our political bones in Chicago. In Chicago, politics is the fifth sport behind baseball, football, basketball and hockey, and bloodier than all of them put together.

After he put his head back on the bar and fell asleep, I considered his point. All over the blogosphere, and the talk-o-sphere, and the main-stream meme-o-sphere, Surgin’ Bernie is the flavor of the month. Hillary better watch out! Bernie drawing huge crowds! Hillary slipping in polls! Bernie is the true liberal! Hillary dogged by scandal! Bernie flies by Pluto!

(Not sure about that last one. You don’t think I left Uncle Barstool alone all that time, do you?)

But the point is this: we’re 6 months out from Iowa and New Hampshire. Sixteen canned dullards are each vying to break out of the pack and become the Republican nominee by saying more stupid things louder than the other 15 idiots. Hillary has the experience, the pedigree, the money and enough liberal bona fides to lap the entire Democratic field – as she is now – and best of all, she’s not taking it for granted, as she did 8 years ago against a much tougher, more accomplished, better funded, much larger group of candidates featuring liberals, moderates and blue dogs.

But bloggers and talkers and screaming memees are bored and anxious and need to grab clicks, ears and eyes. The chaotic Republican race has devolved into a monotonous hum of verbal manure. And people LOVE to beat up on the Clintons. I know, because I made a whole cottage industry of it when I had a HuffPost column during the ’08 primaries.

But, like Uncle Barstool, I am spineless pragmatic: I knew Obama would win. Hillary: I had doubts as to her viability. (Who KNEW that McCain would pick Palin and the economy would provide the October Surprise? My cousin, Jesus Hachecristo, could have won that one in a walk. ) This time, I have no such doubts, because the margin of victory for Democrats has ALWAYS been provided by the women, and women will be very motivated voters from Iowa thru victory in November, voting for the accomplished, tested liberal Democratic candidate: “Hillary,” my uncle muttered in his sleep, with a damp belch.

“Marry that girl, Uncle Jimmy.”

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0 Comments to “Barstool endorses Hillary”


  1. Kate oDubhagain says:

    I like Bernie and I like Hillary. Although I think Hil will get the nomination, I believe Bernie’s popularity will push her more to the left. That’s a good thing.

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  2. Wa Skeptic says:

    I think Hillary and Bernie should combine their talents as Pres and Veep, respectively, and keep Ms Warren as Pitbull-in-Chief. Maybe even promote her to Attorney-General. After all, if JFK could put his little brother to work, we can use Ms Warren. Win-Win!

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  3. I generally vote for the leftest candidate in the primary, but I don’t think Bernie could win the general election, which is a pity.

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  4. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    I think Senator Sanders might surprise everyone. While some pundits claim T-Rump has populist appeal, what those dufii are doing is confusing bombast and braggadocio for policy. There is nothing populist about T-Rump’s rants; unless one redefines populist as meaning Tea Bagger racism and meanness. Whereas Senator Sanders is the real deal, a true New Deal Democrat.

    Former First Lady/Sen/Sec Clinton isn’t a Blue Dog and she does message well on social issues for the most part. Otherwise, she’s too triangulated and hawkish to be my first choice as candidate.

    That said, I will support either of these two Democratic candidates who win the nomination.

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  5. Old Mayfly says:

    I was going to say something similar to what Polite Kool Marxist said, but he said it better.

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  6. Ralph Wiggam says:

    The last time I saw a candidate I liked as much as Bernie it was 1972. And we all remember what happened to George McGovern. I don’t think I could survive another defeat like that. So I choose pragmatism over ideology.

    I want a candidate that can beat the Republicans so badly that their grandchildren will shudder and moan when they remember it, just as I shudder and moan when I remember the campaign of 1972.

    I believe that nominating Sanders would be like taking a knife to a gunfight. But I would love to see him as Senate Majority Leader.

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  7. Hillary is more of a political animal than Sanders. While that is not a good thing in a person, it is an excellent thing in a candidate.

    Now we just need an outstanding VP to go with Hillary. Perhaps Julian Castro so the ticket will appeal to Latinos strongly and might turn Texas blue.

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  8. Hollyanna says:

    I agree with PKM. Will stand with Bernie as long as he is in the fight. If HRC is the candidate, I will support her fully. Bernie speaks to my heart and my conscience–won’t give up on him until I’m forced to. This country needs a new New Deal and we need to fight all up and down the ballot in all 50 states.

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  9. Good points and it’s fun to read Royko from beyond the grave.

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  10. I love Bernie and am supporting him all the way, money and my vote when the time comes…and ain’t I a woman?

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  11. And I agree with Hollyanna. I’m in this as long as he is, and I will vote for Hillary if she is the candidate.

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  12. two crows says:

    I keep saying it for all the good it ever does. No one listens. But still, I’m gonna say it again:

    Who was the front runner among the Republicans at this stage of the process 4 years ago? [Hint: It wasn’t R-money.] Don’t know? Give up? Me, too. I have no idea who it was.

    OK, go back 8 years. Who was out front at this stage?
    Hillary was the Dem. She had been all but inaugurated. Who was the Rep? I haven’t a clue. Do you?

    Now, backtrack 12 years. W Bush was the Rep who was out front [he was the incumbent, after all.] Who was the Dem? I. Don’t. Know. And neither do you.

    Here’s my point:
    Over the last — hmmm — several decades [I’ll bet we can go back to Ike’s first run] the person who was out front at this stage DID NOT GET THE NOMINATION. Not one.

    So why is Hillary special? She’s not. Certainly, she COULD be the exception who proves the rule. She COULD be the front-runner at this stage AND go on to net the nomination. It COULD happen. But the odds are not in her favor. They just aren’t.

    OK, confession time. I did just come from a Feel The Bern rally [it’s July 29, it’s what we do on July 29, 2015.] So I’m all a-dither over here for Bernie. And have been for a while now.

    But that doesn’t change the fact that the person who was out front at this point in the process over the last umpteen elections DID NOT GET THE NOMINATION.

    So please don’t count Bernie out just because the established Democratic Big-wigs aren’t in his corner. There are more of us than there are of them.

    Just sayin.

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  13. @two crows
    In this election for the first time since my first election in 1960, I care not a whit who gets the Dem nomination. They can nominate a yellow dog, as the saying goes. I am taking vacation hours to work days to get the Dem candidate elected. IT IS THAT IMPORTANT. The GOP may not self-destruct before November 2016 and I do not want any of the Klown Kar Korps seeing the inside of the WH except by social invitation.

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  14. two crows says:

    @Micr – –
    You’re right of course. Absolutely and unequivocally right. No one in the clown car can be allowed to step foot inside the White House. Not one of them.

    However, I can’t join you in not caring which Dem gets the nomination. I sincerely believe Bernie is the best person running and I do care that he wins. Certainly, of course, I will pour my heart and soul into getting Hillary elected if she gets the nod. Or whoever else might come from behind [though I’m guessing it’s probably going to be Hillary or Bernie – but I could very well be wrong.]

    I know there are lots of people who are planning to vote for Hillary come hell or high water because she’s a woman. I have friends who hold that position. I’m a woman, myself, and I agree that it is time and past time to put a woman in the Oval. But I won’t use that as my sole criterion. If that were the case, I would have voted for McCain in 2008 – and I didn’t.

    I do truly believe that Bernie is the better choice as far as pulling the country back from the brink it’s teetering on at the moment. And that is the bottom line.

    Well, that and the SCOTUS. A major question facing the nation right now is, “Who will replace RBG?”

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  15. BarbinDC says:

    Two Crows: I have two words for you–Richard Nixon.

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  16. daChipster says:

    Ralph: you and me, bro! My first campaign was following my mom around doing lit drops for McGovern. Wearing my “McGovernment” button.

    After ’68 and the debacle of ’72 and Carter and Kennedy vs Carter, the Democratic squierarchy instituted the Superdelegate concept. Do you remember how heavily they weighed in 2008? Hillary thought they were keeping her in the race. But they bolted in droves to the winning bet.

    Decry that system of restraining the populist dynamic among Dems bent on destruction if you will, but the Superdelegates will never give this to anyone but Hillary.

    Two crows: a) everyone. it was flavor of the week, each had their surge around their announcements and then faded. b) come on. You’re not even trying! It was Rudy G. But he put all his moderate eggs in Florida, by which time it was too late. c). Now i know you’re just dogging it. It was Howard Dean, of the Scream Heard Round the World fame.

    There are never any front runners as prohibitive as Hillary is on the Dem side since Al Gore, and none prior to that since Mondale and none prior to that since Stevenson at the dawn of both the modern primary and political polling. On the GOP side its been pretty much “the next guy’s turn” since Reagan lost to Ford, Bush lost to Reagan, Dole lost to Bush, then The Dubya error, where McCain lost to him, Romney lost to McCain

    Are we sensing a pattern? Yes! But this is also about to be broken because Santorum ain’t goin’ nowhere.

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  17. two crows says:

    To BarbinDC:
    Was Nixon the frontrunner in July of 1967? If so, my bad.

    Still, if we have to go back 48 years to find a case of a non-incumbent nominee being the frontrunner 15 months prior to the election, I stand by my premise: Hillary has a hard row to hoe to grab the nomination. I’m not saying she can’t do it – just that the odds are stiff. So writing Bernie off at this point [as so many seem wont to do] seems premature.

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  18. Uncle Dave says:

    The GOP field now includes 17 candidates, or that was the last count when the Dallas Morning Snooz and the Foat Wurth Startlegram were put to bed, last night. Interesting photograph in today’s Startlegram showed folks gathered in Fort Worth to hear Bernie Sanders. They looked like Republicans, old and white. As a white, 75 year old, natural platinum blond, I can say that. Perhaps my fellow white seniors are concerned more with the inequality in the distribution of wealth and less consumed by the bull shit distractions that have led so many of them to vote Republican. Stay tuned!

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  19. Ralph Wiggam says:

    Two Crows, remember when the press was hawking the story about how long it had been since a sitting Senator was elected to the White House? In 2008 that clock reset.

    If history always repeated itself we would still be in the Stone Age.

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  20. maryelle says:

    The Dems have two excellent candidates for the presidency. Ain’t we lucky!

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  21. Marge Wood says:

    I’ll let you know after I come out of the voting booth at the primary. The main thing WE gotta do is drag all our neighbors, friends and enemies, to VOTE. And I remember when Harry Truman won. Dewey was practically unloading his furniture. After the election, our principal called the whole grade school down to our little auditorium and announced that Harry Truman was our new president. I loved our principal. I wonder how our principal voted….

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  22. daChipster says:

    two crows, you’re missing my entire point. That’s not surprising because I was not at my best when I wrote it right before falling asleep last night. Let me sum up:

    Non-incumbent Dems leading at this point who got the nomination in my lifetime:
    64 – incumbent
    68 – not the nom
    72 – not the nom
    76 – not the nom
    80 – incumbent
    84 – Fritz Mondale, the eventual nom
    88 – Gary Hart, (the only Dem primary I have picked wrong at this stage of the game)
    92 -not the nom (but I knew Clinton would beat Warner, Gephardt, Gore, Biden et al)
    96 – incumbent
    2000 – Gore, the eventual nom
    2004 – Dean, not Kerry, the eventual nom
    2008 – Clinton, not Obama, the eventual nom
    2012 – incumbent

    So your point is obviated, and my point is that I haven’t picked a Dem clinker since the summer of Monkey Business. I was wrong in ’79, as well, as I thought Kennedy would win. But I was 17 at the time, and should be forgiven that.

    The GOP, I’ve had less success with picking noms: in ’99, for example, I was sure McCain would be the guy in 2000. 2008 and 2012 I nailed early, but I’m not even touching this one, yet. If I were FORCED to pick someone TODAY, it would be Jeb, but I see paths to the nom for Walker, Rubio and – deep breath – Huckabee.

    But it is WAY too early for that side, too many things can happen in the meantime. Heck, the eventual nominee may not even be in the field. An open convention could pick anyone with a car elevator.

    Barring any huge stumble by Hillary or, deity forfend, health troubles, she will be our nominee.

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  23. Ok, I’m the one doing the hiring in the company and what I want for the job is someone who has such an experienced background that the learning curve that would beat anyone else will not be a problem. And if that person also knows everyone else around the world already on a first name basis, especially the ones that will have to be dealt with as regular as clock work, that would only be the icing on the cookie.

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  24. Deb in CA says:

    Whole bunch of women at our local Bernie Sanders houseparty last night disagree that Hillary’s got the women’s vote locked up. She sure ain’t got our vote. I am sick and tired of having no better choice at the polls than “the lesser of two evils.” A vote for Hillary is a vote for Wall Street and business as usual. I will not cast a vote for Hillary. Heard that from alot of folks last night.

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  25. daChipster says:

    Deb, I respect your opinion. But I heard a lot of that in 2008, from Hillary voters, and they came around.

    With the whole map still gerrymandered for a Republican Congress – and likely to remain so for the next 15 years (unless local Dems can solve this before the next census, and how likely is THAT?)…

    With the US Supreme Court still 5-4 in favor of the Cons and RBG not likely to hang on too much longer…

    With the tenuous hold of Obamacare, and LGBT rights, immigration reforms and a host of other improvements that exist only based on executive order or administrative law…

    With the thaw of relations – FINALLY – with IRAN and a positive tropical heat wave in our relations – FINALLY FINALLY – with Cuba…

    With the entire planet at peril TODAY over climate change…

    And, let’s face it, with a very THIN Democratic bench…

    I appeal to your pragmatism.

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  26. Deb in CA says:

    Really? Hillary voters “came around” in 2008? (Who won the nomination?)

    Here’s pragmatic:

    Polling news from CNN. Results on two potential general election match-ups:

    Bernie Sanders (D): 48%
    Scott Walker (R): 42%

    Bernie Sanders (D): 48%
    Jeb Bush (R): 47%

    That is pragmatic, baby.

    Bernie has more than tripled his support in the Democratic primary since Bernie’s April 30th launch, and he is the ONLY Democratic candidate with higher favorable ratings than unfavorable.

    You don’t need to compromise by voting for Wall Street Hillary. We can win this thing. We WILL win this thing.

    Come join the party!

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  27. Deb in CA says:

    So, the premise put forth is that Hillary supporters are good team players because they “came around” for Obama in 2008, and therefore today’s Bernie supporters should do the same when The Pre-Ordained Holy Annointed Dynastic One receives the Democratic nomination in 2016.

    Nope. No comparison.

    The last thing this country needs is another Wall Street Corporatist in the WH. Be it Democratic or Republican. Neither is capable of taking this country in the direction it needs to go.

    Yes, a Republican would be worse. But the differences are minor, compared to the unity with which the power elite serve each other’s financial interests. Unless the power of banks and corporations to own/run this country is broken, our democracy is gone.

    It is a mystery to me that so many people are devoted to the idea of Hillary as Prez. The fanaticism defies logic. No doubt some of it is rooted in not wanting to give up. People who devoted hundreds of hours volunteering for Hillary in 2008 cannot let go. I get that. But for the sake of the nation, people NEED to let go. Accept that we cannot afford another President Clinton. (And yes, I voted for President Clinton.)

    As a woman and a feminist, I, too, was galled by the attacks on Hillary when she was First Lady. Double standards and misogyny are wrong and ugly. But no matter how unjust the attacks on her at that time were, they do not justify making her President now. No matter how sweet it would be to cram that down the Repug’s throats.

    Pay-back would be fun, but it is not what the country needs. No more Bushes. No more Clintons. This is a democracy, dammit. We should not have dynasties here.

    Not to mention the sheer pragmatism of acknowledging that electing someone SO hated by SO many can only guarantee more years of gridlock and escalating division in the nation.

    To me, what the Hillary supporters represent are people who are fine with oligarchies, dynasties and a Power Elite ruling this nation, so long as its “our” (dem) oligarchal dynastic power elite in charge.

    That is a terrible commentary on how far democracy has fallen.

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