Banned in Arizona – Again, Dammit

March 31, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Well, it appears that I’m fixing to be banned in Arizona.

Not that I mind all that much myself, but two of my favorite customers – Bud Malone and Gramian – live in Arizona and those two can raise more hell than a teevee evangelist behind closed doors.

Arizona is passing a law making it illegal to be annoying on the internet machine.

Back when I worked at the newspaper I described my job as, “I find out what people are doing and make them stop it.”  Now my job description is “being rude on the internet.”

Personally, I think they’re picking on me.  See for yourself:

“H.B. 2549 would make it a crime to use any electronic or digital device to communicate using obscene, lewd or profane language or to suggest a lewd or lascivious act if done with intent to ‘annoy,’ ‘offend,’ ‘harass’ or ‘terrify,’” the letter notes. … ‘Lewd’ and ‘profane’ are not defined in the statute or by reference. ‘Lewd’ is generally understood to mean lusty or sexual in nature and ‘profane’ is generally defined as disrespectful or irreverent about religion or religious practices.”

Well hell, they might as well shut down the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.  We have the exclusive Gulf Coast distributorship of annoying.  And almost every hairdo we suggest is meant to inspire lewd activity.  Shoot, we’ve had women want their money back if we do a hairdo that doesn’t get them some action over at the VFW dance.

And if I cannot be disrespectful or irreverent, then I cannot be.

What the fool tarnation does Arizona have against lusty?  Personally, in my mind the most annoying people on the planet are those who are not lusty.  So now you’ve got a problem, Arizona – annoying or lusty, take your pick but you cannot have both.

You know, you would think that Arizona would be the last place on earth that wants to talk about annoying.

Thanks to Brian for the heads-up.

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34 Comments to “Banned in Arizona – Again, Dammit”

  1. Ralph Wiggam says:

    Arizona really needs a trip to the Beauty Shop. If they want to deny themselves that luxury, oh well, their loss.

    I just couldn’t help thinking of all the right wing hate sites that will be banned. No more bashing Muslims, Jews, Mormons, or Catholics. They must have a whole herd of lawyers ready prosecute that crime wave.

  2. I find I’m much more concerned about their definition of stalking than I am about the broadness of their definition of annoyance. If I’m reading the last sentence correctly (Juanita, would you have Bubba look at it?), then using that “foursquare” app on iPhones to keep track of their peeps at things like SXSW counts. If they use it twice in any period of time “however short” it is defined as stalking and a class 3 felony. Full text of the relevant section is below. Emphasis was in the original document (their way of showing new text added to an old law).

    Sec. 2… B. Stalking under subsection A, paragraph 1 of this section is a class 5 felony. Stalking under subsection A, paragraph 2 OF THIS SECTION is a class 3 felony.
    C. For the purposes of this section:
    1. “Course of conduct”:
    (i) Maintaining visual or physical proximity to a specific person or directing verbal, written or other threats, whether express or implied, to a specific person on two or more occasions over a period of time, however short.

  3. I sure would like to know who they are planning on appointing as cop of the internet and how much will they get paid.

  4. This is going to help make government small enough to fit in Grover Norquist’s bathtub?

    glf look at it this way— the Rs, after all these years of empty promises, are FINALLY working on some job creation. And just in time for the election too.

  5. Oh, Oh, OH! Does this mean that Rush Limbaugh gets kicked off the internet, the radio, and the TV in AZ? Pretty please??? He surely fits the bill of annoying, lewd, offending, and profane. An unintended silver lining, yes?

  6. What they gonna do about that totally annoying Governor?

    You know….. the one who shakes her finger in the face of the President of the United States???

    That annoyed the heck out of me, and I found it absolutely offensive.

    Does that count?

  7. Everytime I see that picture, I wish he had bitten her finger. That is a BAAAD thought – ’cause no telling where that finger has been – and I don’t want him getting sick.

  8. How the heck are they planning to. ban some site that people have to go look for in the innertoobs?

    Not like you insist that people click on your site.


    Any state with a governor like that should be verry verry quiet and try to hide the embarassment.

  9. bud malone says:

    I have it on good authority that the Bud Malone guy is better than average when you get to know him.

  10. Juanita Jean says:

    Yeah, I hear that’s written on the women’s bathroom walls all over Arizona, Bud.

  11. Now that’s just a cryin’ shame iffen y’ask me.

    Irreverent, disrespectful and annoying are some of the high points of conversing with Gramiam, Juanita, Bud et al.

    Just sayin’

  12. The hell they say! Just how do they propose to stop me from comin’ on over to canoodle with JJ and her peeps. AND if they do manage it, I’m gettin’ me a lawyer person and sue their sorry asses for violatin’ my freedom of speech! Sorry, Momma, but this is just too freakin’ much. The most lewd and obscene thing I’ve seen is Jan Brewer’s nasty finger in President Obama’s face.

  13. daChipster says:

    Free Juanita Jean!

  14. daChipster says:

    What do we want? Lewd!
    When do we want it? Now!
    What do we want? Profanity!
    And when do we want it? F—-n’ NOW!

  15. Okiegirl says:

    Jan Brewer annoys me on a daily basis. Can I have her arrested?

  16. Sam in Pearland says:

    Does this mean AZ residents won’t be able to stream “Feel Like I’m Fixin to Die Rag” by Country Joe and the Fish?

    Is there anything more obscene than the laws they’ve been passing. Surely this means the text of legislation will have to be pulled. Jan Brewer will also have to stop posting her nekkid pictures of Joe Arpaio online too.

  17. Jan Brewer with naked pictures of Joe Arpaio? Now that just plain makes me shudder!

  18. Jose Orta says:

    Somebody in Arizona needs to get out of the Sun. They are frying what’s left of their brains.

  19. MCPO RET says:

    I spent 31+ years in the Navy and I know lewd and profane when I see it.
    I’m sending my cousin, in Phoenix, a lewd and profane messege right now.
    So there!

  20. Kate oDubhagain says:

    The stupid volcano has erupted and is spilling dumb all over Arizona. This law is unenforceable, and it makes them look like nitwits. Will this idiocy be the beginning of the end for damn-foolery in the cause of right wing repubicanism when the wackjobs, loons and baggers get hit by lawsuits for being “irritating” by someone on the left or in the center?

    How very embarrassing.

  21. BUT…let me guess: she’ll put up a MONUMENT to Rush Limbaugh….bless his heart, if he’s got one.

  22. Donna WM says:

    Yeah, but Arizona is the state that wants to spend umpty-jillion dollars to build a wall along their border with Mexico, so what can you expect???

  23. Think about it: Texas can’t be far behind on this one. Only reason we don’t already have this mess is that our Legislature is only part time.

  24. OldMayfly says:

    Note to Arizona lawmakers, I do NOT have Juanita Jean’s permission to make the following statement:

    The sane people in Arizona (and there are some) should start a petition to force everyone in their state legislature to take the standard test required of people wishing to be naturalized as US citizens. Results must be published in all major media outlets.

    Now there! I am deliberately annoying, offending, and terrifying the Arizona legislature (or at least, most of them.)

    Come get me. Post your email address on this site and I’ll respond with my contact info.

  25. Marge Wood says:

    Laughing out loud. I don’t think there’s anything left to say, do you? Except go look in the mirror and realize that’s where we find the leadership to get rid of all this (bad word) stuff. Find a candidate you like. Help advertise him or her. Rant and rave and tell the truth. Rah rah!

  26. To be fair, I think we are pretty safe here, I mean, Momma and the soap bar are enough to keep me on the righteous path.

    You would have to be profane AND/OR lewd or lascivious, not just annoying, no more eff you posts, what a loss.

    Bless their little legislative hearts, they think if they order a thing “abracadabra!” it shall all be as they wish, such a sad lesson they will learn. My crystal ball sees increased litigation costs for the poor taxpayers of Arizona.

  27. And exactly how do they plan to enforce this law? Are they under the impression that all Internet traffic originates in Arizona? This is another example of laws that try to regulate morality and that cannot be enforced–Prohibition, in effect. All it does is teach disrespect for law.

  28. People that know me understand that normally, I’m rude, crude and lewd.
    When I get exceedingly polite, it means I’m about to go off on someone.

  29. Kate oDubhagain says:

    Hummm….things may be about to change. Here’s an article from an Arizona paper. Be sure and read the comments too.

  30. How is this less government?

    you know the party of less government and less taxes?

  31. Lorraine in Spring says:

    “And if I cannot be disrespectful or irreverent, then I cannot be.”

    Descartes is smiling.

  32. Kate, I can verify the veracity of the questions in this poll because they called me earlier this week here in Phoenix and I gave them an earful. Apparently I was not at all alone. Nice thing was that it was a robo-poll. No tea Party peeps around!

  33. I’d say this is aimed straight at you Juanita Jean and I would accept it as a compliment….

  34. Kate oDubhagain says:

    Gramiam, that is so good to hear!