And Dear Lord, Help Lower My Gas Bills

July 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Just because prayin’ to JesusĀ  ain’t enough, people in Aladamnbama ask Jesus to please hate who they hate.

At a regulatory meeting on Alabama power rates, Public Service Commission President Twinkle Andress Cavanaugh (yes, her name is Twinkle and aren’t you jealous) let a minister do the opening prayer because he’s a friend of hers.

It goes downhill like a six legged jackrabbit.

Because Cavanaugh, at a state meeting of a quasi-judicial regulatory body, is handing Prattville Baptist preacher John Jordan a commendation, even though he is on the agenda to speak as an interested party on behalf of the Tea Party. She’s explaining that he gets to give the invocation because he is her friend.

And then Jordan polls the audience on who believes in prayer. At a state regulatory meeting. And then he prays that the world’s gone crazy, that good is bad and bad is good, that “we’ve said it’s Ok to have same-sex marriage. We have sinned.”

Because nothing screws up utility rates like the gays.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

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25 Comments to “And Dear Lord, Help Lower My Gas Bills”

  1. RepubAnon says:

    It’s all about the hate – if their followers stop hating and stop thinking, they might stop following. Can’t have that.

    As noted in the Beatles movie Help:

    High Priest: “Without the ring, there is no sacrifice. Without the sacrifice, no more congregation. Without the congregation, no… more… ME.”
    Follower: “This is so.”

  2. I believe in prayer the same way I believe in unidentified flying objects. They exist. They just may not turn out to be what some people expect.

  3. @Lynn . . perfect and about how I think on it.

  4. Nobody…. who is a “real” person…. has the name “Twinkle.” Geesh….. Buffie is bad enough…. but “Twinkle”. O. M. G.

  5. Unless they’re misreading Genesis 12:3, I’m not sure where they got that Jesus would hate those they hate.

    “And I will bless those who bless you,
    And the one who curses you I will curse,
    And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”
    NRSV – promise to Abram (later Abraham)

    Notice it says, “one who curses you I will curse.” God, not we, invoke this. Talk about karma! Think about this one when throwing hate out, folks.

  6. Elise Von Holten says:

    I am tired of the hate. That’s all. Just tired of the inanity of it all…there are children to feed, house, and clothe, where was that in the prayer–I am reminded of the guy who said,”I just read that (insert list of uber-wealthy stars) are praying for the victims of a hurricane–foolish me, I just sent money.”
    Praying for lower rates for the underpaid people (and big taxes on the 1% or even the .5%–the Walmarts in particular for ruining clothing across the board, by outsourcing everything to China, to compete, all stores carry cheap crap! And I’m paying for their employees housing, food and healthcare by default–they should be taxed and penalized until the amount I pay to each worker has been balanced to 0 on my side… And penalized by fines that will more than cover a decent retirement for any worker, even part-time…I don’t think companies will recover, being cheated by their fraudulent business practices, placing huge orders for cheaper versions of trusted names, then not paying them, taking the new version to China for production and driving the American businesses to bankruptcy…nasty, nasty “business”. take them down. Let them starve for a change.

  7. daisymae says:

    You had me at Twinkle. Nickname: Twinkie? How does one go through life with that handle!

  8. Miemaw … you must be in CO ’cause the only Buffie I know of is Buffie McFadden in CO Springs!! Can’t even think what her “given” name is, but it’s not Buffie. LOL

  9. Uncle Dave says:

    Do you suppose Twinkle Andress could be the former exotic dancer who performed under the stage name, Twinkle Undress? Her career ended during a pole dance when the pole gave way and deposited her in the lap of a Republican politician, crushing him. Sure looks like she could be the same lady.

  10. SusanF, I like the way you think. Uncle Dave, here is hoping she is one in the same.

  11. I know it’s not right, but I’d have to tell Tinkie and the man in the cloth to GFY.

  12. They are all insane. That’s the only explanation.

  13. Hippie Cowboy says:

    @daisymae…I had a Jersey milk cow named Twinkie back in the ’70s. I was thinkin’ this one is the reincarnation of that one…except this one is udderly stoopid and that one was utterly wonderful…so no reincarnation here!

  14. mike from iowa says:

    To Miemaw-According to the White Pages there are 2 people in the U.S./Can named Twinkle Ellis,two people named Twinkle Werber,3 people named Twinkle Ivester,2 named Twinkle Clark, 1 named Twinkle Parekh and 0 named Twinkle Oben.

  15. mike from iowa says:

    Posted this in the wrong place. According to,the name Buffy with a Y as a first name occurs in .003% of the female population and ranks #2040th.

  16. CerealCitySue says:

    Twinkie?? Do parents never stop & think what a child’s life will be like @ age 40 with such a name? Or even 20? Why has Ms. Twinkie not decided to change this unfortunate given name? I am so very grateful that my parents named me Susan, even though I wept & protested frequently during my childhood. (Every classroom had at least 4 Susans.)

    BTW, my grandparents named my mother Betty, but their minister refused to baptize her. “No nicknames,” he solemnly declared. So she was baptized “Elizabeth,” but always called Betty. There would have been no Twinkies in his church, no siree.

    I have, so far, succeeded in failing to acquire the most recently-found stray cat in my neighborhood. Twinkie would be a great name for that cat; it is absolutely adorable. Very twinkly eyes.

  17. Umptydump says:

    Twinkle reminds me of the character Hilly in “The Help.” Looks lahk Twinkle could use a nahce slahce of pah …

  18. JAKvirginia says:

    @RepubAnon: I wish it were all about the hate, because if we worked at it long enough and hard enough we could change that hate to something better.

    I’ve discovered though that it goes deeper than that. It’s all about the ME! I’m right, you’re wrong! God says so! End of discussion! That’s the really, really scary part. Fanatics can never be reasoned with.

  19. Marge Wood says:

    One of my friends who used to teach severely retarded children, ones who she had to feed, said she figured we all look equally ignorant and helpless to God.

  20. Marge Wood says:

    While I’m here, anyone have brilliant ideas for how to help Texans in remote areas to get photo IDs for voting? Isn’t that kind of unconstitutional, since one way or another whoever gets one, even if it’s “free”, will end up taking off from work, driving a long way, or some other thing, to get to the nearest DPS so they can get a photo ID? Most folks have them. How can we help those who don’t?

  21. and here I am stuck in Prattville AL for two weeks of work. I knew I could smell the crazy as soon as I walked off the plane (that and the stench of the paper mill).

  22. OleScout says:

    Are we sure her name isn’t really ‘Tinkle’?

  23. Marge Wood says:

    Folks have to have birth certificates to get photo IDs. Just tossing that in for you to think about. How “free” is that? Not.

  24. donquijoterocket says:

    @ Lynn N- As much as I like your formulation,I like my Grandfather’s better.Pray in one hand and defecate in the other and see which gets full first.Works for wishes and wishing too.

  25. “… and finally Lord we implore thee to blast the purveyors of Shariah Law to smithereens!”