Aladamnbama
Y’all Alabama is for sale on Ebay.
I got you a screen shot of it just in case Ebay takes it down. Click the little one to get the big one.
You even get a certificate of ownership! But the best part is the part that describes your purchase.
We loved this state for many years, but now that Alabama is subverting federal law by allowing officials to refuse to perform same-sex marriages, it’s time to let her go. Frankly, 49 states is enough.
We’ve tried to trade Alabama to other countries in the world, but even Saudi Arabia and Iran thought it was, frankly, too backwoods and messed up. We even tried to deal it to ISIS, but they were worried that Alabama is too fundamentalist.
Alabama became a state on December 14th, 1819. They have made no recognizable progress since. They did try to leave the United States at one point, it was a bit of a dust-up you may have heard of. In hindsight we were probably better off just letting her go. Our bad. It’s like that crazy girlfriend you just can’t cut the ties with. We are dumping her before she boils our pet possum.
Alabama was the last state to legalize interracial marriage. Guess what year? Just guess.. Nope! It was 2000! That’s not a typo. (40 percent of Alabamans voted to keep the ban). Two. Thousand.
Their state constitution still has a provisions requiring separate schools for “white and colored children” and for poll taxes once imposed to disenfranchise blacks. It’s 2015, in case you had forgot. Two. Thousand. Fifteen.
And just 2 days ago, the Alabama KKK distributed about 6,000 fliers throughout Montgomery as well as Selma on the weekend of Bloody Sunday. Fun note, Alabama has a higher population of KKK members than any other state. So if you like white sheets, this is the state for you!!
Education – 49th out of 50. 15% of the state is illiterate. So, upon purchase, you might want to invest a little money in dictionaries.
A whopping 60% of Alabama believes in Creationism. 60%!!!! Bring a lot of bibles!
Health- Alabama ranks as the 3rd most obese state. So, there’s good food there! I hope you like fried food and diabetes!
Alabama does have a nice coastline. Keep that in mind!
Please note, there will be no refunds. You break it, you bought it. Well, it’s already broken, but no refunds.
Half of all proceeds will be donated to charities supporting marriage equality
Free shipping!
I’d buy it but I already have a backwards state.
Thanks to Kary for the heads up.
Alabama needs to pay somebody to part it out. The pieces are worth more than the whole. Even the original inhabitants wouldn’t give a copper penny to have it back now.
1I was thinking it was Alabama where the Koch brothers threw themselves into resegregating the state but it was Wake County, North Carolina. They have made a project of messing up North Carolina for a while now because it’s just such a nice size to experiment with. Did they make it to Alabama? I just now googled Koch brothers and Alabama. Y’all feel free to poke around there.
2Do dictionaries do any good for the illiterati?
3I’m putting a chrome plating on S.Car, since you have Texas & he has ‘bama. I’ve graduated from [in order]: ‘Bama (’65), U.S.Car (’70), SMU (’76).
4Nothing Alabama has to offer interests me in the least. Bring back General Sherman and re-scorch the place. What would one do with beachfront property in a corn field?
5Don’t worry, the growing beach front will sort of get rid of the corn fields with all that salt water.
6Read that half the proceeds will be donated to marriage equality causes. Let’s make a deal. Let teh gays keep all of the $100 and I’ll sign a quit claim deed on the Alabama chigger that the c-note bought.
7And then there’s this y’all: http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2015/03/alums_wont_leave_millions_to_u.html#incart_most-read_news_article?wha
8I was born there. I’ve told my remaining relatives to flee.
9They won’t. I think they’ve been lo-jacked.
Don’t I know! I have family down there as a result of a job transfer. If they had all the money in the world they would get themselves elsewhere in a heartbeat but it ain’t gonna be so.
10I was going to bid $1.01 ( penny higher than previously bid) but the listing has been removed. Somebody already bought it.
I think maybe the winning bidder might have been Jeff Sessions. Not sure.
Oh well, you can’t win them all.
Anyway we can auction off Texas… the same way? …I. guess not.
It’s a thought.
11Yup, Miemaw’s right. I guess we were too late with our bids. She’s gone, baby, gone!
12Sounds like something Mitt Romney should do, hedge fund style.
13Alabama born, bred, and stuck here. Surrounded by Fla, MS, TN, and, lest they get to feeling too superior, the state where the police chief accidentally shot his wife. Twice. Sympathies to ya’ but is there not some sort of support group for people like us?
14Will they pay mt to take it? Can we swap states?
15Del Carter,whitey wingnuts wait until after devastating natural disasters to form “recovering Alabamans” group. Get out now while there is still time. Boston has an underground railroad,I hear. Someone named Charley has been stuck on it for years according to the Kingston Trio-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Jw_v3F_Q0
16It’s not worth it. See….
17If you were to GIVE me the geography, it wouldn’t qualify as a state anymore and that means it wouldn’t get any Federal aid and I’d have to pony up eleventy-seven-umpteen-kachillion smackeroos just to keep everyone from dying and creating a public health hazard.,
Don A-wingnuts prolly already gave all mineral rights to Chuck and Dave and Exxon ,too still yet. You could try to charge them rent but they’d threaten to take you to court and keep you there for the entire eleventy-seven whatevers and then where would you be? I’d chip in a quarter and buy the place,give it back to them and tell them to go to hell. That is what Saint Peter has in store for them rilly good christalibans.
18Maybe one of Aaron Schock’s generous campaign donors bought it for him, since he will no longer play in Peoria.
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