Archive for May, 2017

BREAKING: Trump’s Major Policy Shift

May 27, 2017 By: El Jefe Category: Trump

Yeah, yeah.  Saudi sword dances, the Pope, NATO, G7, blah, blah, blah.  Trump manhandles another NATO leader; rudely jerks Macron around with his famous Queens-style jerk and push handshake; runs out of gas and has to follow other G7 leaders while they stroll the streets of Taormina, Sicily in a…wait for it…golf cart.  Then he refuses to join in the consensus on the Paris climate accord.  What a 24 karat gold dick, right?  (Sorry, Momma, but it’s the only word I can think of today)

But that’s not the breaking news.  Here’s the breaking news:

See it?  Please tell me you see it.  For the first time in my memory, he actually buttoned his goddam jacket.  Famous for his 3-foot-long-cheap-made-in-Gīna ties, with which he attempts to cover that huge full-of-well-done-steak belly and not call attention to that massive, er, uh, rear terrace, he habitually stands in that weird slump with his suit jacket gaping open for all to see.  You’ll notice here a first (or at least first in a long time), where he actually buttoned his jacket and looked less like a NY mafia don and more like the disgusting and hair-weaved narcissistic reality television star that he is.

Oh, and here’s the only view I want to see of him for the last time – leaving the WH forever:

So there.

 

I Love Yew, Texas. Your Governor, On The Other Hand … Not So Much

May 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Texas Governor Greg Abbott made a joke today about shooting reporters.  Yeah, while body-slamming a reporter is still in the news.

A Texas Tribune reporter snapped a photo of Abbott showing off his target sheet on Friday, after which the governor “jokingly” pointed to the bullet holes and threatened the media.

“I’m gonna carry this around in case I see any reporters,” Abbott said, according to reporter Patrick Svitek.

 

Too soon, Governor.  Ten years from now, still too soon.

 

I Love Yew, Texas

May 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Robert Morrow has announced that he’s running for the Chairmanship of the Republican Party of Texas on a “Impeach Trump” platform.

For those of you unfamiliar with Robert Morrow, he was elected chairman of the Travis County (think: Austin) Republican Party.  The GOP power structure was not pleased.

 

The current Texas Republican Party Chair up and resigned with no warning.  So, the Republican Executive Committee will electe a new chair in Austin on Saturday, June 3rd.  Morrow is running.

To be honest – even for a Republican, Morrow ain’t all there. Or maybe he’s the sanest person in that Party – it’s just damn hard to tell these days.

Now he’s decided that Trump needs impeaching and he’s the man to lead the charge.

You wanna know why?  Sure you do.

A few of the many qualifications I have for being Chairman of the Texas Republican Party are:

1)       I am a political truth teller.

2)      In the past 20 years I have voted in more Texas Republican primaries than Rick Perry.

3)      I am a Ron Paul supporter.

4)      In 2004, I played a critical grassroots role in getting Republican Rep. Todd Baxter re-elected to the State House. Just ask Todd Baxter. This is the state rep seat that Donna Howard currently holds.

5)      In both 2008 and 2012 I was one of the leaders of Ron Paul for President in Austin, TX.

6)      Unlike George Herbert Walker Bush, I have not murdered anyone, as he did with Barry Seal in 1986.

7)      Unlike cocaine addict and CIA drug smuggler Bill Clinton I do not think that Barry Seal got what he had coming to him. Barry Seal was a friend of Bill Clinton which tells you a lot about Bill “Serial Rapist” Clinton.

8)      Unlike George Herbert Walker Bush, I am not a homosexual pedophile who molests and has sex with young boys. Read the books The Franklin Cover Up and The Franklin Scandal for information on that. Former Texas GOP chair Cathie Adams knows all about the Franklin Cover Up and I have discussed it with her.

9)      My top priority is the impeachment and removal from office of child molester, business criminal, serial adulterer, golf cheat and political criminal Donald Trump. Message to Trump supporters: you sleep with dogs you will get fleas.

10)    I am very proud of my book The Clintons’ War on Womenwhich rips the hide off the Clintons like no other book has done before. This is one of the few books child rapist Donald Trump has read and he kept it on his desk in 2016.

11)     In 2016 I received 145 votes for President of the United States.

12)    I am the Chairman Emeritus of the Travis County Republican Party, gaining it world attention as I ran it from June 13 to August 19, 2016.

13)    I like big titties. I am a proponent of boobyliciousness. In the past several years I have shared on social media the pics of over 500 extremely hot, busty women. What have Rick Figueroa and James Dickey ever done to promote boobyliciousness, bikini contests and wet t-shirt contests? I am for having bikini contests at the Alamo every 4th of July. Case closed.

Sincerely,

Robert Morrow

Honey, he had me at “Impeach Trump.”

I love yew, Texas.

 

He’s Not Listening. To Himself.

May 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Look, I really don’t blame Donald Trump for not listening to Donald Trump.  I don’t either.

When they met for the first time in Brussels yesterday, Trump told French president Emmanuel Macon, “You were my guy.”

BRUSSELS, May 25 (Reuters) – U.S. President Donald Trump told Emmanuel Macron on Thursday that he had been his favorite to win the French presidential election and media reports that he was backing far-right leader Marine Le Pen were wrong, a French official said.

Dirty media. There they go. That damn media.

Hey, at least he didn’t say they were very, very evil.

 

Friday Toons

May 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Trump Threatens to Cut Off German Car Sales

May 26, 2017 By: El Jefe Category: Uncategorized

And in other news from the front lines of Cheeto Jesus’ Embarrass America Again tour, at a meeting with European leaders yesterday, Trump threatened to cut off German car sales in the US.  That’s right folks, no more German cars.  In the meeting, he threatened to cut off sales and impose a 35% import tax.  He also called Germans “very bad”.  What an ass (sorry Momma).

In this latest episode of urinating on allies, Trump forgot a few things:

  • The BMW X3, X4, X5, and X6 are built in the Bavarian state of…North Carolina.
  • The Volkswagen Passat is built in Southern German state of Tennessee.
  • The Mercedes C Class, M Class, and GL Class are built in the German state of Alabamdama.
  • Other countries where German cars are made are Mexico, Hungary, Slovakia, and France.

The facts are that a huge number of German cars sold in the US are made in the US.  More importantly, of the top 15 productive auto plants in the US, 7 are foreign owned.  Like other industries, the global auto industry is complex.  Some cars built in the US are actually exported to…Germany.  Some are sold here, and some are exported to other countries.  The issues of trade and trade imbalances do not lend themselves to platitudes and childish name calling.

As in most issues Trump has talked about, he takes a simpleton approach to complex issues.  Slapping a 35% tariff on imports from Germany would have an immediate and catastrophic effect, costing Americans thousands of jobs and driving costs up for everyone.  If Trump spent less time on pissing off allies, and more time getting his own goddam house in order, we’d be the better for it.  Or, would someone please just get him a Coke and bag of Cheetos and put him in front of a television so he can just flip channels all day?

It’s zero days since we were embarrassed by this parasite infesting the WH.