Archive for April, 2016

This is So Cool

April 27, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The two most hated politicians in America are teaming up.

Ted Cruz will name Carly Fiorina as his vice presidential running mate Wednesday, according to two sources — a last-ditch move to regain momentum after being mathematically eliminated from winning the GOP presidential nomination outright.

The Texas senator will make the announcement at an afternoon rally in Indiana, which votes Tuesday in the next GOP contest. Cruz must have a strong showing in the Hoosier State to help block rival Donald Trump from securing the 1,237 delegates necessary to win the nomination, and keep alive his hopes of a contested Republican National Convention.

Those two are the most unlikely people to ever have fun are joining forces so that we can have fun.  That’s kinda sweet of them.

Cruz’s Favorability Rating

Screen Shot 2016-04-27 at 1.35.17 PM

Okay, I have to admit, it ain’t a long drop to the bottom for him.


Bless Her Heart

April 27, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Mary Lou Bruner.

Screen Shot 2016-04-27 at 8.54.43 AMShe’s running for the Texas School Board and she’s a real work of wacky art.  Mary Lou believes that President Obama worked as a gay prostate (damn autocorrect) prostitute in his 20’s.  She knows that to be a fact so one has to wonder if she had personal experience.

Mary Lou believes all manner of conspiracies including the one where Jesus rode a dinosaur.  She believes that time spent studying science is a waste when creative story-telling will explain everything.  Rain is when Jesus is crying, hurricanes are when he blows his nose.

She’s a piece of work, y’all, and it’s likely that she’ll be on the Texas Board of Education, mainly because she’s got one of those flag shirts that let you know she’s a Republican.

Her Facebook page is a’wash in wild.


Screen Shot 2016-04-27 at 9.12.22 AM

Yeah, Noah’s flood caused the Grand Canyon.

And no, she does no make fun of your religion.  She just thinks you’re going to burn in hell for eternity because God loves you and that alone gives her permission to discriminate against you.  So, there’s that.

This trip to LaLaLand is that pre-K makes people gay.

Screen Shot 2016-04-27 at 9.17.50 AM

Now, the reason that you might be interested in knowing this is because Texas is so large that textbook manufactures generally let Texas decide what textbooks are published.  That means that no matter where you live, MaryLou Bruner is likely to pick the textbooks used in your school district.

That ought to keep you up at night.  MaryLou, on the other hand, sleeps well because Jesus turns her off at bedtime.

Thanks to mollusk for the heads up.

Y’all, It’s Mississippi Day at the Beauty Salon!

April 26, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Y’all, I have such an abundance of charming news from Mississippi, that I’ve designated today Hell, Yes, It’s Mississippi Day.

First, we have this for the people who just can’t let go.

greg-sealA Mississippi lawmaker is proposing two state flags.

Republican House Speaker Pro Tempore Greg Snowden is proposing that the state have two flags: one with the Confederate emblem, which currently represents Mississippi, and another flag without the emblem.

You know, like we used to have separate drinking fountains.

If you want to know how a guy can be so tone deaf, it might have something to do with education in Mississippi.  Mississippi is all that stands between Texas being the worse state in the nation for education.  And they proudly uphold that standard.

A principal served four years and two months in prison for attempted murder. Another pleaded guilty to embezzling $73,033 in electronics from his school. One teacher struck a student, and several others were accused of misconduct involving students.

All of these individuals surrendered or lost their teaching license, and each of them was later reinstated by Mississippi’s commission responsible for disciplining educators.

And there is even a possible explanation for that.  As I was looking around to find more bad teachers in Mississippi, I stumbled across this:


Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 9.01.52 AM


Highway patrol spokesman Eric Henry said the incident began when a vehicle slowed down in front of an 18 wheeler carrying a load of Budweiser beer. In order to avoid hitting the back of the vehicle, the truck driver steered into the median, and the truck overturned.

In the oncoming lane, the driver of a Toyota Tacoma saw the accident happen, and slowed his vehicle, at which point he was rear-ended by another 18 wheeler. That pushed the Tacoma into the back of a third 18 wheeler.

Henry said there are no injuries, but authorities will be on scene for a few hours clearing the spilled beer from the median.

You would be hard-pressed to prove those were not empty cans leaving Mississippi.  I bet it was the best attended highway clean-up in the state.

Thanks to AlanInAustin for the original heads up.

Return of What The Hell?

April 26, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Way back on August 1st of last year, Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen and I told you about how Ted Cruz’s SuperPAC gave Carly Fiorina’s SuperPAC half a million dollars.  We both wondered why he would do that. The best we could figure is that Ted thought Carly could effectively attack Hillary Clinton better than a man could.

Carly FiorinaWhen it turned out that Fiorina was a 15 minute wonder – she made the grown-up debate one time and only because Donald Trump said she is ugly – we wondered why Ted didn’t ask for a refund.

Well, come to find out, maybe it’s because he has a crush on her.

Ted Cruz’s presidential campaign is vetting Carly Fiorina as a potential running mate, THE WEEKLY STANDARD has learned.

According to a spokeswoman for Fiorina, the former Hewlett-Packard CEO and one-time presidential candidate is being vetted by Cruz’s campaign.

Hey, at least give Ted this – when you are the most soulless man on the planet, it is difficult to find someone equally as soulless.


She’s Got Her Panties In One Hand and Her Glock In The Other. She’s Ready to Pee, Bygawd!

April 25, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Why does the head of a group called Liberty Counsel, Anita Staver, hate Target?  Because, oddly enough, Target likes Liberty.

Anita Staver, the president of the radical anti-LGBT group Liberty Counsel, tweeted last week that people should boycott Target for its new policy preventing discrimination against transgender customers, adding that she plans to take her pistol into the restroom from now on.

Screen Shot 2016-04-25 at 3.02.15 PM

Y’all, really?

UnknownI’m putting a picture of her right here because if she’s in the restroom she’s gonna wanna see your gender identifying thingies. You need to turn and run away faster than a bullet with legs, ‘cuz this woman is not only nasty, she’s armed.

You know how sometimes you finish your bathroom business just in time to discover that your stall is outta toilet paper and you nicely ask the woman next stall if she’ll hand you some under the divider?  Don’t do that to her.  She’ll shoot your damn hand off.

Here’s the deal I want to say to Anita – Let people be. Just let them be. It ain’t none of your concern.  Or, in the alternative, when you’re going to Target, pee before you leave home. This ain’t complicated. Target has family bathrooms and there’s a reason for that – nobody wants their kids around Anita Staver.




What is it with these people and bathrooms?  I remember back in the 1970’s, there was a state representative out of Houston named Walter Mengden.  Walter was opposed to the Equal Rights Amendment because it would mean that we’d have to have unisex bathrooms.  He was horrified by the thought. Ole Walter is 89 years old now and I do believe that he’s still constipated.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

More Demn Math

April 25, 2016 By: Primo Encarnación Category: Uncategorized

The Washington State Dems have yet to get their entire act together – they have county conventions coming up on May 1 – and so Bernie Sanders has not seen all the delegate fruits of victory there since his March 26 precinct caucus victory, and won’t see final totals until May 21. Only 34 of their 101 pledged delegates have been allocated.  I estimate that when the rest are, Bernie will pick up enough to narrow Hillary Clinton’s lead by 35 more delegates.

It won’t be near enough. Even with that assumption baked in, after her resounding New York win, Clinton maintains a 240-delegate lead, with a little over 1400 delegates left in play. After his Michigan surprise seven weeks ago, Sanders needed 55% of the remaining delegates to overtake her pledged delegate lead.  Two weeks ago, that was up to 57%. Now it’s up to 59% of every delegate pool up for grabs from now on, including in the 5 Northeastern states voting tomorrow.

On yet another, super, Tuesday, there are nearly 400 Democratic  delegates up for grabs, half in Pennsylvania. Unless something weird has happened that I can’t fathom yet, Hillary should come out of those contests with a net gain of around 60 more delegates.  Between that and New York, she will have wiped out all of Bernie’s gains during his Revolution’s Long March through Western Caucasia.

This means that, by about 11 PM tomorrow, Sanders will need two thirds of the remaining delegates, just to catch up in the pledged delegate column. That’s not going to happen, and he will not catch up in the popular vote, either, where Clinton’s lead will be north of 3 million votes.

These numbers could change if Bernie overperforms tomorrow, a la Michigan, especially if he can steal a march in Pennsylvannia. But even that would not be enough to change the narrative, this time.  And the Sanders team recognizes this, which is why they’ve been making noise about asking the superdelegates to overturn themselves, and forsake Hillary, for Party and Country.

Let’s see what they say after tomorrow night.