Archive for December, 2015

Yeah, And He’s The Smart One

December 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Jeb! Bush, y’all.  He ain’t dancin’ happy this week.

In an effort to divorce his last name, Jeb’s! campaign website is

If you’re an important person you buy up all possible variations of your name.  It’s not just a good idea, it’s kinda the law.  The law of I Have a Damn Brain.

Jeb! did not register other possible names.  For example, if you go to, you will be redirected lickety-split to Donald Trump’s website.


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But, that’s not all is a blog about a gay couple who owns the website and is used to oppose Bush’s record.

He ain’t the brightest light on the Christmas tree, Honey.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Fun With Republicans

December 28, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I want you guys to meet Jonathan Stickland, a Republican Texas State Representative.  You’ve met him in passing here before.  He’s cocky, immature, and his net worth is that he makes Democrats snicker.

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 2.21.38 PMHe’s a big ole family values conservative.  Well, at least he was until this morning when his Republican primary opponent released some information.

From the Quorum Report.

The Republican primary challenger to Rep. Jonathan Stickland, R-Bedford, on Monday called on the incumbent to explain the fact that he has sought advice online about how to grow marijuana at home and also looked for someone with whom to “smoke da green.”

Stickland’s campaign was quick to answer that he has indeed smoked marijuana in the past and in doing so “wasted much of life, said and did things I wish I hadn’t.”

You know, like smoked marijuana.  Or, at least admitted to it before I got caught.

Stickland acknowledges past drug use but denies ever growing it in his home; he says “by the Grace of God my past sins are forgiven”

Tell ya what, Mr. Cocky, I’ll give you a dollar to pee in a cup.

Thanks to B. C. for the heads up.

Jesus Saves, But Not Well

December 28, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You all know about the devastating tornados that hit Texas, killing at least 8 people, maybe more.

What you don’t know is that there’s a lady named Sabrina Lowe who called upon Jesus to help.  Sabrina was in her apartment with other people and … well, I’ll let her tell it.

We actually went outside and started commanding the winds because God had given us authority over the winds – the airways. And we just began to command this storm not to hit our area. We – we spoke to the storm and said, go to unpopulated places. It did exactly what we said to do because God gave us the authority to do that.

So let me see if I have this straight.  You prayed, but screwed up on your directions so other people got killed?

And, Honey, you might try reading that Bible.  Ecclesiastes 8:8

As no one has power over the wind to contain it, so no one has power over the time of their death. As no one is discharged in time of war, so wickedness will not release those who practice it.

Sweet Jesus, when you come again, please do not come to Texas.  They will beat you up with their Bibles.

Thanks to Pattie for the heads up.

Git Your Cap, Jim Bob

December 28, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You wanna talk about a money-making business!  Holy cow, this is winner!

The New York Daily News announced that there’s a Kickstarter campaign that’s likely gonna save the damn world.

Tired of wearing tin foil on your head to keep Barack Obama and his secret army from reading your mind or implanting good dinner table manners.  You do not need that crap in your head.

Tired of satellites beaming libtard ideas at you like, “Jim Bob, you don’t need no damn AK-47. You need to pay the light bill with that money.”

Tired of Bill Gates sending messages through your computer screen?

Here is your fashion forward answer.

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It’s a damn tin foil lined gimme-cap.  Holy truck stop, Jim Bob, now you can take off that large hunk of tin foil and pose for family pictures out on the front porch net to the washing machine.

The beauty of this thing is not only the money you’ll save on tin foil over the life of the cap, but that you do not have to give up your true identity of letting people know you’re too smart to let Obama to get into your head.  People will know you’re smart enough to be aware of the libtard conspiracy by your Donald Trump shirt and long gun you carry everywhere.

Thanks to Prup for the heads up.

Yeah, Life’s Tough

December 28, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So, there’s an interview with Dr. Ben Carson in the Washington Post.  It was amazing.

First he blames his staff for his recent lagging in the polls.

The Post would report his remarks a couple of hours later. By nightfall, Carson had walked them back and expressed “100 percent confidence” in his staff.

benIn the November debate, Carson announced that the Chinese were in Syria. That claim left people, including the President, speechless.  Carson then claimed that his “sources” on Syria are better than the President’s.

Now Carson is singing a different lullaby.

As far as the China thing was concerned, I probably shouldn’t have said that. I said that on the basis of what some people in the CIA tell me. And of course, subsequent information came out that there is some Chinese [involvement in Syria].

No, no that has not come out.  And if people in the CIA are talking to Ben Carson, then we have a bigger problem than the Chinese in Syria. So, he’s going to have to walk this back, too.

Honey, if this man keeps having to walk things back,  he’s gonna end up with a full pail standing in the surf of the Gulf of Mexico.  But it’s be fun to watch, that’s for sure.


Well, That Seems Reasonable

December 27, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The Texas Open Records Act is meant to keep government open to the eyes of the citizens.

old-computer-for-recycling-260x300Republicans in the state legislature and the attorney general’s office have done everything they can to keep that from happening.  If they could shut it down by dancin’ buttbuck naked around the Alamo, they’d do it.

Enter the City of San Antonio.  There have been some very odd police officer and firefighter suspensions in San Antonio, so the local newspaper got curious.  They filed an open records request with the city.

The requested information includes all emails sent or received by SAPD employees that mentioned suspensions of officers or coverage of those suspensions by the Express-News and in 2015.

A governmental agency is allowed to charge “an amount that reasonably includes all costs for producing” public records, but must provide an itemized cost estimate if it exceeds $40.

The police department responded with a cost of $81,333 because their email system does not allow for searches.  That means that all emails from all employees have to be transferred to another computer and then go through a hand search.

Yes, just like in 1980.  Honey, if your email system is older than Y2K, it might be time for an upgrade.

Now see, there’s also the mathematical fact that $81,333 translates to 10,166  eight-hour days, which is a damn long time, even in dog years.

You know what? I don’t believe it. I think it’s hogwash. I hope the newspaper sues and makes some geek take the stand and explain why there’s no search function on their email program.  Even if there isn’t one, I’ll bet you that’s on purpose, too.

Thanks to Lizbeth for the heads up.