by Primo Encarnación
Nothing has changed from yesterday to today, even with that debate intervening. So let’s check the status of the race:
Ben Carson leads the GOP nomination fight because nobody can understand a word he says, even when they can hear him.
Donald Trump has fallen so far that even Chuck Todd is mocking him. However, he hasn’t fallen far enough to, you know, SPLATTER on the metaphorical sidewalk. But as long as he keeps writing Hillary’s ads against any future opponent, let’s keep him around.
Marco Rubio seems to be number 3 with a bullet. If I were forced to place a bet, it would be on this guy winning the nomination. At which point Hillary will select a Castro Brother (Texan, not Cuban) for veep.
Jeb?!? maybe the Bush family used up all their wishes to make a gold-bricking, frat-boy, coke-head, dry drunk the President of the United States, and that genie has now decamped for Canada.
Mike Huckabee: running for POTUS (Pastor of the United States), Huckabee has decided that his interpretation of God’s word is sufficient to serve as the template for human history from here on out. Hubris is one thing, but when they baptized this guy, they held him under too long/not long enough.
Snarly Failurina. ‘Nuff said.
Rand “I’m not Ron but right about now I’m wishing I was” Paul. Go home, son. Quit politics. It’s over.
Ted Cruz tried to overcome the unlikability factor last night by saying “I’m not the guy you want to have a drink with, but I am the guy you want driving you home.” He should have said “designated driver” but instead it came across as Ted Cruzing bars at closing time to find drunk chicks to take home. Ted Cruz ’16: Skeevy AND cheap!
I’m Chris Christie / Couldn’t be Prouder / If you won’t Vote for me / I’ll Yell a little Louder!
John Kasich’s new campaign slogan: “Are you frickin’ KIDDING me?” Trump tagged him last night: as a managing director of Lehmann Bros, Kasich managed to direct them into a crater, starting the Great Recession. Kasich is going to hang around because, let’s face it, he’s done all the damage to Ohio he can do, and he’s positioning himself as the one who will stab America in the back. All the rest of these idiots are offering to stab us in the face. So I guess that’s an improvement?
Next to leave: Rand. Next to move up from the kids table: Miz Lindsey. Next to pretend everything is OK right up until the point where it isn’t: Jeb$! Next to wonder why the hell he got out: Snott Wanker.