Archive for October, 2015

Shocked, Shocked, I Tell You

October 31, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Jeb! has learned that the Bush name ain’t as sparkling as he first thought. In fact, it ain’t shiny at all.

Come to find out, Jeb!’s team in Ohio is shooting for a measly 18% of the vote as their goal.  Y’all, I am no math wizard but I think winning with 18% only happens in Chinese algebra.

Jeb!’s phone banking team was able to identify a whopping 1,260 supporters out of the 128,000 Republican voters in Ohio, and they suspect that at least 18% of those were drunk.

I do not see a good ending to this.

The Chief Operating Officer of his campaign didn’t either so she and her shadow hit the door.

Well, at least he doesn’t have to go around defending his brother anymore so there’s that.

Thanks to Craig for the heads up.

Hey, Check In

October 30, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Hey, Friends in Central Texas, check in.  Bubba, Jr., left Austin three hours ago and is stuck in traffic a Bergstrom airport.  Three hours, five miles.

I hear that San Marcos is totally underwater.


Here Ya Go

October 30, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Your good friends at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. have some fun weekend reading for you.

You remember James O’Keefe, right?  The little weird guy who keeps getting into trouble for spying on politicians and then faking his evidence?

He has founded Project Veritas to try to play gotcha! with Democrats.  Well, it’s not going too well so far.  Click here for the PDF and enjoy!

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.

Fun With Guns: If You Live and Florida and Have a Gun And a Dog, You Are Screwed Because That Dog Is Gonna Shoot You Edition

October 30, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Yep, Florida is one dog-shoots-man state.

It’s pretty dadgum hard to get reliable statistics on the number of times a dog shoots somebody because in most cases people are too damn embarrassed to fess up.  They tape up their wounds at home or claim they shot themselves cleaning their gun instead of admitting that Prince or Spot finally got even for that whole neutering thing.

A very bored reporter investigated shooting by dogs, and came up with this handy little graph.


Screen Shot 2015-10-30 at 9.47.28 AM

Way to go, Florida.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Friday Toons

October 30, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

























Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press

Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press

The GOP State of Play

October 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

by Primo Encarnación

Nothing has changed from yesterday to today, even with that debate intervening. So let’s check the status of the race:

Ben Carson leads the GOP nomination fight because nobody can understand a word he says, even when they can hear him.

Donald Trump has fallen so far that even Chuck Todd is mocking him. However, he hasn’t fallen far enough to, you know, SPLATTER on the metaphorical sidewalk. But as long as he keeps writing Hillary’s ads against any future opponent, let’s keep him around.

Marco Rubio seems to be number 3 with a bullet. If I were forced to place a bet, it would be on this guy winning the nomination.  At which point Hillary will select a Castro Brother (Texan, not Cuban) for veep.

Jeb?!? maybe the Bush family used up all their wishes to make a gold-bricking, frat-boy, coke-head, dry drunk the President of the United States, and that genie has now decamped for Canada.

Mike Huckabee: running for POTUS (Pastor of the United States), Huckabee has decided that his interpretation of God’s word is sufficient to serve as the template for human history from here on out. Hubris is one thing, but when they baptized this guy, they held him under too long/not long enough.

Snarly Failurina. ‘Nuff said.

Rand “I’m not Ron but right about now I’m wishing I was” Paul. Go home, son. Quit politics. It’s over.

Ted Cruz tried to overcome the unlikability factor last night by saying “I’m not the guy you want to have a drink with, but I am the guy you want driving you home.” He should have said “designated driver” but instead it came across as Ted Cruzing bars at closing time to find drunk chicks to take home. Ted Cruz ’16: Skeevy AND cheap!

I’m Chris Christie / Couldn’t be Prouder / If you won’t Vote for me / I’ll Yell a little Louder!

John Kasich’s new campaign slogan: “Are you frickin’ KIDDING me?” Trump tagged him last night: as a managing director of Lehmann Bros, Kasich managed to direct them into a crater, starting the Great Recession. Kasich is going to hang around because, let’s face it, he’s done all the damage to Ohio he can do, and he’s positioning himself as the one who will stab America in the back. All the rest of these idiots are offering to stab us in the face. So I guess that’s an improvement?

Next to leave: Rand. Next to move up from the kids table: Miz Lindsey. Next to pretend everything is OK right up until the point where it isn’t: Jeb$! Next to wonder why the hell he got out: Snott Wanker.