Archive for January, 2015

Hey, Molly, It’s Not the Muslims Who Are Threatening State Representatives! You’re Thinking of the Open Carry Thugs.

January 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I want y’all to meet Republican State Representative Molly White.

Screen Shot 2015-01-29 at 12.30.10 PMMolly is sweet little Christian thing who just got herself elected to the Texas House by the people of Bell County.  Molly defeated a moderate Republican incumbent in the GOP primary.

Yesterday was Texas Muslim Capitol Day.  The event is organized by the Texas chapters of the Council on American-Islam Relations.  It is meant as a day where members of the Muslim community can lobby lawmakers.

Molly ran home.  Seriously.  She vacated the capitol.  It was fine with her for the Open Carry hoodlums to threaten a member of the legislature, requiring him and his family to have a security detail, but Muslims …. well, that’s just going too far.

She tweeted — (Click the little one to get the big one.)

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Now, how Molly plans on having her secretary enforce that is unclear.  I’m hoping maybe she can broker a Middle East agreement.

I’m wondering if I visit her office, do I have to renounce Timothy McVey and the KKK?

And I dunno know about you, but I think she should have a Texas or American flag on her desk.

For Sale: One Slightly Ostentatious Mansion

January 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Y’all, it just so happens that my birthday is in June, just in time for Mitt’s house to go on the market

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I have a confession to make.  I know why God did not let me be rich.  My house has two stories.  Every time I want something it’s on the wrong floor.  If I need a measuring tape while I’m downstairs, it’s upstairs.  If I need it when I’m upstairs, I moved it downstairs the day before. Can you even imagine me with three houses?  I’d spend day and night flying between them hunting for the measuring tape.  However, I imagine that Mitt is so rich that he has three measuring tapes so he can have one at each house.  I hope it’s on the wrong damn floor.

Thanks to Craig for the heads up.

We Have To Talk About Rick Perry. We Just Have To.

January 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I’m sorry, but Rick Perry has got loco camped out in his eyes again.

Two days ago a judge, who Perry thought was bought and paid for, refused to dismiss Perry’s felony indictment.  This ain’t the first time the heat’s been turned up on Perry’s indictment.

Conservatives (and even some liberals who didn’t read the entire story) say that Perry is being charged for exercising his constitutional right to a veto.  That’s not correct.  He was indicted for what amounts to extortion of a public official. Contrary to popular conservative belief, that’s still illegal in Texas.

So, first off, Perry sends out an email and a Tweet for people to come stand behind him by signing up at his website.

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So, when you go there, this is what you get.  Holy cow!  The entire weight of the Rule of Law is riding on Rick Perry’s shoulders.  “Continued prosecution of Rick Perry is an outrage and sets a dangerous precedent in our Democracy.”  Yeah, Big D Democracy.

Outrage is an aphrodisiac for Republicans.  Eau de Outrage is a big seller at the country club.

And then bless Rand Paul’s heart, he forget which state Perry was Governor of.

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Wait a minute!  Wait a damn minute!  Government bullies?  This is red, red, red Texas. Democrats do not have bully drilling rights in this damn state.

So here Democrats sit, accused of being bullies because we didn’t let Rick Perry bully us.

In my mind, what Rick Perry did is bully without the y.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Yeah, Woman!, Start Talking!

January 28, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Sometimes you just have to love Aladamnbama.

Birmingham Democratic State Representative Patricia Todd, who is gay, has decided to “out” some of her fellow lawmakers.  But not the gay ones.  She’s putting a whole new twist on this game.

Republicans in Alabama went into turbo hate mode last week when a federal judge overturned Alabama’s ban on same-sex marriages.  Republican lawmakers all went to the courthouse and tried to change their legal names to Family Freekin’ Values and Mrs. Family Freekin’ Values.

PatriciaToddState Rep. Todd said, “Oh, really now?”

“It is pretty well known that we have people in Montgomery who are or have had affairs …” Todd told the TimesDaily this morning. “I just want them to be careful what they’re saying, some of it might come back to stick on them.”

Yeah, this might get sticky, but it’s gonna be real interesting.

Thanks to John for the heads up.

He’s Everywhere! He’s Everywhere! Louie Grabs the Microphone and Starts Primal Screaming.

January 28, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Louie Gohmert, y’all.  His middle name is Cringe.

He had himself a busy little day yesterday.  First, he went all Bibi and started hitting things with his Bible.

The Texas congressman said that since Netanyahu’s upcoming address to Congress “is important for eternity,” Obama’s decision not to meet with the Israeli leader might bring about the judgment of God: “There is judgment that will come for nations that attempt to divide the nation of Israel and this White House seems determined to do that.”

Look, here’s how I see it.  God already gave us eight years of George Bush and Dick Cheney so anything he does after that will look like he’s just jacking around.

I also know something that Netanyahu apparently doesn’t.  The only reason Louie wants a strong Israel is so that God can destroy it and kill all the Jews while Louie watches.  It’s kinda like Louie wants to build a Lego tower so that God can knock it down.  Apparently that doesn’t bother Netanyahu right before an election.

And then, since he had a little air left over, he decides to go after women and, at the same time, fill the vacuum of leadership in the pro-rape lobby.

Gohmert then said that Republican women split the caucus by opposing the language on the rape exception. He said that opposition to the bill should have been voiced before the legislation made it to the House floor.

“I’m told that they’re still going to bring it back, but because there was such division among our Republican females, they pulled the bill that day,” he said. “And that was extremely unfortunate, and it sent the entirely wrong message.”

Our Republican females.  What, Louie?  Have you got binders full of them or something?

Look, I know that Louie is about twenty years, three sermons, and half a dozen NFL ball deflations beyond caring about hoochy-koochy, but I can guarantee you that he’s ain’t getting no nookie for the entire rest of his life.  Seriously, women, write it on bathrooms walls:  No nookie for the bald and ignorant guy from East Texas.  Of course, I know that counts for 70% of the  men in East Texas, but trust me, that’s really okay.

I was hoping for a trifecta before the sun went down last night, but apparently Louie needed a nap.


Thanks to everybody for threads up and John for the cool graphic.

Hell, Yes!

January 27, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

A quickie!

Rick Perry loses second request to dismiss the felony indictment against him.