Archive for August, 2014

Law and Order, My Pattotie!

August 31, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, so some guys in Dallas who look like they would not know Gouda from Gruyère up and decide to picket Whole Foods because Whole Foods has signs asking you not to come into the store with open carry weapons.

Thankfully, a great American got pictures of it all because it was pretty damn funny.

First off the guys show up with lawn chairs because – and I’m judging only by appearance here – they probably don’t intend on doing much walking or shopping in the Fit Foods section.



Now the guy in the middle is carrying a “Remember Luby’s” sign.  As you might recall, a man in Killeen, Texas, killed 43 people inside a Luby’s cafeteria.  Responding police could not stop him even though they exchanged fire.  The reason you might not remember this is that it happened in 1991.  That was 23 years ago.  I have no idea how many people have been accidentally killed with guns in the past 23 years but it’s probably – and I’m just guessing here because I ran out of fingers and toes to count on by 1992 – a whole bunch.

The guy walking beside him is a real law and order type, right?  Wrong.




Let’s mosey on over to the Texas Penal Code.

Sec. 42.11. DESTRUCTION OF FLAG. (a) A person commits an offense if the person intentionally or knowingly damages, defaces, mutilates, or burns the flag of the United States or the State of Texas.

Dude, you not only defaced the Texas flag, you’re dragging it on the ground, Moses Rose.

Note the Ron Paul giantass lettering on his back windows. Really?  You’re still dating with that crazy old man?  Oh Honey, just go home and get drunk on the couch in your underwear.

So, they have this giant gun protest in Dallas, Texas.  Five guys show up and it last 30 minutes before they got distracted by a beer sign.

Thanks to the great people at Liberaland for the pictures and the fun.


And Those Are Your Choices, Students!

August 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I think Ted Cruz meant well with his back-to-school newsletter.  I do.  I think the poor man is just so disconnected from reality that he has no idea what he sounds like.  He sounds like a rich Canadian man totally disconnected from reality.

You can read his whole newsletter here, but if you can only take Ted Cruz in small doses, I’ve provided a picture of what he tells students that they can become if they study hard enough.


Screen Shot 2014-08-30 at 12.14.47 PM


So, if you’re a girl you can start a cosmetic company and exploit women in some pyramid scheme where the best thing in the world is a pink Cadillac.  If you’re a boy you can be pot smoking country star, or a guy who invented a way to destroy the environment.

Please note that all three of these people are white.  Whites are a minority in Texas public schools.   None are disabled.  8.4% of Texas students are disabled.

However, at least one of them is a Democrat.



Thanks to Lucy for the heads up.

It’s Gotta Be The Heat In Texas

August 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, there’s this conservative think tank (which seems like an oxymoron) in Dallas called the National Center for Policy Analysis (NCPA). It is run by a 68 year old guy named John Goodman, but not the famous John Goodman.  This one is only semi-famous.  He thought up the Republican plan to counteract Obamacare and basically keeps Texas Republicans riled up enough to send money to Republicans.  He is paid $587,000 a year to think.  But not wisely.

John got ousted for “sexual misconduct and breach of fiduciary duty.”

Of course you want to know the back story.  You know there’s gotta be a great backstory.  It’s Republicans.  It’s money.  It’s power.  There’s gotta be some perverted hoochy koochy involved and this story does not disappoint.

The Players:


The Plot:

The NCPA hired a part time clerk named Sherri Collins from a temp agency without doing a background check on her.  Come to find out a tad too late, she “had multiple brushes with the law for theft, assault and criminal mischief.”  Then last June she assaulted her current boyfriend with a fake plant.  In my mind, that’s just kinda dumb.  Fake plants rarely make good weapons and I’ve never known anyone who had to go to an emergency room with a silk spathiphyllum protruding from any part of their torso.  However, I suspect if that does happen, it will happen in Texas.

Anyway, the minute Sherri arrives she catches the eye of John Goodman.  In 2011, things got weird between the two.  A former employee says,“He would rub her leg. She would smile. It seemed like two people in a relationship.”  You know, I have the same relationship with my dog.  I only said that to let you know that this could be a platonic thing.  It could be.  It wasn’t.

In 2012, John divorced his wife.

By 2013, however, things had gone sour enough between the pair that an apparent physical confrontation erupted between them in the California hotel room. Goodman reportedly choked Collins in the course of a violent argument that left the hotel room “torn up.”

You know what happens next, right?  Sherri gets a big promotion.  She went from a temporary clerk to director of Human Relations, which is kinda funny if you think about it.  See what he did there?  Relations?  Human?  Yeah, which is why I brought up the whole dog thing in the first place.

Next, someone points out that Sherri might be good at a certain kind of relations, but business ain’t one of them.  She is accused by other employees of being “hostile, combative, and disrespectful.”

Trying to get rid of her was not easy.  Sherri is not the kind of woman who goes away quietly.  She blows the top off the place and both of them get fired by the board of director.  She’s hired lawyers so now all this Republican money is going to pay writ twits.

See, there’s always a happy ending.

Thanks to Deb B. for the heads up.


Yes, Because Sending Three or Four Different Posses To The Valley Was Always a Great Idea.

August 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

It was just a matter of time or luck or unluck or hysteria or target practice or damn near anything.  It’s called “Which One Is The Good Guy With a Gun?”

us-border-patrolA Border Patrol agent pursuing a group of immigrants in a wooded area near the Texas-Mexico border on Friday fired several shots at an armed man who later identified himself as a militia member.

Border Patrol spokesman Omar Zamora said agents had been chasing a group of immigrants east of Brownsville Friday afternoon when an agent saw a man holding a gun near the Rio Grande.

The border patrol agent fired four times but missed all four times, which should put fear in the hearts of innocent bystanders and cattle.

Cameron County Sheriff Omar Lucio ain’t real thrilled with the whole situation, and he carefully outlined the whole problem. It can be explained with simple mathematics.

But Lucio said, “We really don’t need the militia here.” He recognized they have the right to carry weapons, but noted that with the Border Patrol, Texas Department of Public Safety and local law enforcement, there are enough agencies working to secure the border. Gov. Rick Perry also called as many as 1,000 National Guard members to the border.

So, we have (1) local law enforcement, (2) Texas Department of Public Safety, (3) the Border Patrol, and (4) the National Guard.  And Sheriff Lucio forgot about armed United States Customs Service agents being there, too.  Ain’t that damn well enough well-organized militias?  However, if we need dudes running around with big ole honker military weapons to scare crap outta local law enforcement, DPS, Border Patrol, or the National Guard, we’ll let the state of Montana know.


Hold Your Horses!

August 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Abbott spun around again. Apparently he took and nap and woke up in a new world.

According to the Quorum Report —


n the meantime, this is the statement from the Abbott campaign“Texans for Greg Abbott today confirmed the acceptance of an invitation from KERA, NBC5/KXAS-TV, Telemundo 39 and The Dallas Morning News to participate in a statewide televised debate on September 30, 2014 at 8 p.m. This is in addition to a statewide televised debate scheduled for September 19th, 2014 in the Rio Grande Valley.

Texas HB 2 Ruled Unconstitutional!

August 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The Houston Chronicle has the story right here.

AUSTIN – A federal judge struck down a key piece of Texas’s tough new abortion law Friday afternoon, just three days before its implementation was expected to force all but seven clinics in the state to close.

Greg Abbott is expected to request immediate relief from the 5th circuit. You know, unless they want to debate.