Archive for July, 2014

More Importantly, Those Refugee Children are Lying to Louie Gohmert, Bygawd!

July 31, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Louie Gohmert.

I can see you preparing yourself.

Louie says those little nincompoops from Central America are lying about coming from a dangerous place.

“Texas and the United States is [sic] being invaded and we’re in danger,” Gohmert said, before alleging that most of the unaccompanied minors are lying when they tell border patrol agents that they are escaping gang violence in Central America and have been coached to make such claims. Gohmert said minors end up telling officers that “we were told to say that we were fleeing gang violence.”

Yeah, you know all the violence in Central America?  Just like climate change – made up.  Just a left wing conspiracy.

And if they’re lying about that, what else are they lying about?  That they are humans?  That they are hungry?  That they did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky?

You cannot trust little hungry children, y’all.

Thanks to Karl for the heads up.

Okay, Okay, I’m Pretty Sure This is True

July 31, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Being ever so careful since being punked last week, it appears that this is really true.

And lucky for us, the truth is even worse that the fiction.  And that’s why satire is dead, dammit.

MicheleBachmann_puckered2aThe satire is that she wanted to put refugee children labor camps.  The ruth is that she dead solid certain that President Obama is bringing these children here for medical experimentation.

No shoot.

Rep. Michelle Bachmann has a new theory about the unaccompanied minors fleeing violence in Central America who have come in large numbers to the southern U.S. border: they are future victims of a liberal plot to use unwilling children for medical experiments.

You know, because liberals are so mean to children and all.

To her credit, she does call the idea “sick,” but she’s sure it’s true and Darlin’, that’s even sicker.

Thanks to Karl for the heads up.

Wait! Wait!

July 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

They’re suing the President? What? Did he spill coffee in their laps?

Seriously, I am surrounded by writ twits and none of them understand that lawsuit. And they are damn smart writ twits.

Guess That Dabble in the Arts Didn’t Work Out

July 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

George Zimmerman saw a painting on Ebay selling for over $120,000 and decided that, “Hell, I can do that crap.”

So, he did.  Let there be crap.

Screen Shot 2014-07-30 at 3.46.43 PM

Sure ’nuff, this crap sold for more than $100,000 on Ebay.

But apparently, George didn’t know any other words to the pledge of allegiance, so his art career took a nosedive.

However, he has found even more ironic employment.

According to a DeLand police report, George Zimmerman has found work as a security guard at Pompano Pats in DeLand.

Pompano Pats is a locally owned store on South Woodland Boulevard that sells firearms, ammunition and motorcycles.

The report stated that the owner of the business asked Zimmerman to guard the store due to a recent burglary.

Oh crap.  I hope he’s not being paid in samples.

Look at this this way – there’s a new pathway to be a successful artist:  cut off your ear or shoot a defenseless kid in the back.

Thanks to Chloe Bear for the heads up.

Dude, It’s the Pope. You Know, the Pope.

July 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So, some congresscritters came up with a bi-partisan resolution honoring the Pope.  You know, the first Pope from the Americas.  The Pope who is coming to Philadelphia.

The resolution congratulates the Pope on his election and “his inspirational statements and actions.”  You know, Pope stuff.

But maybe the nice perfunctory resolution is not so bipartisan.  Hell, this congress couldn’t get a bipartisan vote on ice cream tastes good.

Screen Shot 2014-07-30 at 11.39.47 AMOnly 19 of the 221 co-sponsors are Republicans. The dearth of GOP members on the measure could be attributable to assertions that the pope is “too liberal,” according to a Republican backer of the legislation.

The source noted that Francis last year denounced “trickle-down economics.”

Some Republicans believe the pope is “sounding like [President] Obama. [The pope] talks about equality — he actually used the term ‘trickle-down economics,’ which is politically charged,” the GOP official said.

The Pope.  Too Liberal.  Head.  Won’t.  Wrap.

John Boehner, who is a Catholic, even made an open request for the Pope to speak to a joint session of congress.  Hell, I’d pay money to see that.  Can’t you just see some damnfool holler “You lie!” to the Pope?

But, no, the Republicans want a vote on what would normally be considered a slam dunk.

Oh cool, they hate the Pope, too.  He’s acting too much like Jesus, you know.


Fun With Guns: Almost A Brain Surgeon Edition

July 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Often when I want a cup of coffee, I go to the airport coffee shop and take my AR-15 along with me for company.

You don’t?

1406592383000-Peter-SteinmetzPeter Steinmetz, 54, of Tempe, was booked into a Maricopa County jail on suspicion of two counts of disorderly conduct for displaying a deadly weapon.

The counts stem from when Steinmetz removed the AR-15 from his shoulder and the muzzle faced toward a woman and her daughter in a waiting area in Terminal 4, according to police. Both the woman and her daughter reported fearing for their safety, police said.

Right.  At the Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix, Arizona.

When confronted by the police, “Steinmetz said that he went to the airport only to buy a cup of coffee and had no other business there.”

Yep.  I do that all the time.

And here’s the best part: “Steinmetz is director of the neuroengineering program at the Barrow Neurological Institute at St. Joseph’s Hospital and Medical Center in Phoenix.”  He might want to check his own neuroengineering.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.