Archive for April, 2014

Rick Perry Got Born Again. Again.

April 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Y’all are gonna think I’m kidding so I’m glad someday finally wrote about it.  Rick Perry got borned again again.

RickPerry:God_2smallestSeriously.  They took him down to the river and baptized him last month.  I guess the first time didn’t take.

With only close friends and family looking on, the born-again Christian governor was baptized outdoors, in the spring waters once used to wash the sins off Sam Houston, the first elected president of the Republic of Texas and one of the most colorful political figures in American history.

Only problem I see is that they didn’t hold him under long enough.

Perry used the same river that Sam Houston was baptized in. Sam Houston was the best politician Texas ever had – drunk or sober.   Sam made a joke that if the river washed away his sins, he felt real bad for the fish.

With Rick, however, we’re gonna have to skim stupid off the river for a month. During the baptism the fish were the smartest things in the river.


Lookin’ Grimm

April 28, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Sometimes Karma is a lovely lady.

Screen Shot 2014-04-28 at 10.26.47 AMNew York Republican Congressvulture Michael Grimm, who got nationally famous for threatening to throw a reporter off the baling at the capitol and adding that he’ll “break you in half,” met Miss Karma this morning.

U.S. Rep. Michael Grimm, R-New York, was taken into federal custody on charges relating to a failed restaurant business and allegations that he made false statements, law enforcement officials said Monday.

Grimm is charged with God only knows how many counts, including mail fraud, wire fraud and tax fraud.  He’s a former FBI agent and is claiming the FBI is on a “politically driven vendetta” to get him.

Maybe they want to throw him off a balcony, I dunno.

Fun With Guns: Guns On a Plane Edition

April 28, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Just so you’ll feel real safe the next time you fly

A federal air marshal accidentally shot himself in the leg with his service weapon inside of a West Orange office building this morning, police said.

Federal air marshals are law enforcement personnel, under the umbrella of the national Transportation Safety Administration, who carry firearms for security reasons on commercial flights.

Well, the good news is that he probably couldn’t hit the airplane, even if he shot from inside.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Holy Crap: South Carolina Ain’t Dumb Enough Already? Edition

April 28, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

There a guy named Ray Moore running for Lt. Governor of South Carolina.  His big plan is to shut down all public schools and replace them with church run schools.

Screen Shot 2014-04-28 at 8.59.16 AMAnd the details to his plan?

“Then the states would then negotiate, perhaps taking out of their constitution platform, or the provision, that says the state had to provide education, and it would gradually be handed over to churches, families, and private associations,” Moore said. “That’s the way it was for the first 200 years of American history.”

He said non-religious schools, which he has called “the Pharaoh’s schools,” posed an existential threat to Christians.

Go Pharaoh High!  Push ‘um back, push ‘um back, waaaaaay back!

And where, you wonder, would Rev. Moore get such a damn crazy unAmerican idea?

Dan Patrick.  Yep.

Texas Republican Dan Patrick told the Family Research Council’s Washington Watch on Thursday that public schools in his state indoctrinate children with anti-American, left-wing, and environmental propaganda.

Yeah, stuff like that rain isn’t angel tears and gravity isn’t because the devil sucks.

I told you that crazy is contagious and that Republicans are carriers.

And That, My Dear Is Why You Are Not in Charge

April 27, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

“Well, if I were in charge, they would know that waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists.”

Sarah Palin at the NRA Convention

Fun With Guns: What the hell, Georgia? Edition

April 27, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Well, Georgia made it legal to carry a weapon anywhere you damn well please and one Georgia resident took that to mean he should scare little league baseball players just because he can.

A Georgia man panicked parents and children at a local park and baseball field by randomly walking around and displaying his gun to anyone he encountered in the parking lot.

filepicker-3gdqOTyBSnywitCOzMoO_georgia_peach_stateAccording to witnesses who spoke with WSB-TV, the man wandered around the Forsythe County park last Tuesday night showing his gun to strangers, telling them “there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Anyone who was just walking by – you had parents and children coming in for the game – and he’s just standing here, walking around [saying] ‘You want to see my gun? Look, I got a gun and there’s nothing you can do about it.’ He knew he was frightening people. He knew exactly what he was doing,” said parent Karen Rabb.

The police got 22 calls to 911.

The police arrived, the man showed his permit, and he was allowed to stay even though the police were careful to note that his behavior was “inappropriate.”

Inappropriate?  Ya stinkin’ think?

Next week, there will be a shoot out because “there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Y’all, seriously?  That’s the kind of world you want to live in?

Thank to Old Mayfly for the heads up.