Archive for April, 2014

Slacking Off

April 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Campers, I am very involved in a city election in my beautiful small town of Richmond, Texas.  It is a historic town where Stephen F Austin brought families to farm along the Brazos River.  Since then we’ve seen Jane Long, Mirabeau Lamar, and Carrie Nation even tore up a bar here.

The small town is mostly on non-taxable land – government buildings, churches, and the historical buildings for the county are here.   Because of that, our taxes are higher than surrounding cities but we  have several large parks, a beautiful baseball complex on the river banks, walking trails, several historic homes you can tour, and hundred year old oak trees.  It’s worth it.

We are 27% white, 59% Hispanic, and 13% African American.  Until a month ago, we lived in peace and harmony.  We had elections for a mayor and two city council members but they were friendly affairs.  Until now …

Our mayor is my friend Evalyn Moore.   She is a rancher, rice farmer, and business woman.  She is generous, kind, and smart.  She has given far, far more to this community than she has taken out.

A Republican political consultant decided he wanted to be mayor.  He took on Mayor Moore.  That’s fine – we live in a democracy.  However, like other Republicans, he just couldn’t wait to start a smear campaign.  Bless his heart, he ain’t terribly bright so when he sent out a slam piece on her from something called “The GOP PAC” he thought he was hiding behind the PAC and could disclaim it was from him.  But, almost pathetically, he used one of his own post office boxes for the PAC’s address.  Yeah, like that takes Sherlock Holmes to trace.

Here’s the slam piece in PDF format.

Mayor Moore’s sin?  She has contributed more than $24,000 to “liberal causes.”  Including Barack Obama.

So, her opponent wants to bring the politics of personal destruction to our small, beautiful town.  He learned at the feet of the masters:  he’s a big Tom DeLay supporter and is all buddy-buddy with the former political director at Enron.

I left the name and address on the mailer on purpose.  Jesse Torres, who is running for city counsel, said I could.  It came to his house.  He’s not one of the contestants that is endorsed in the piece.

The election is May 10th and we’re into early voting now.  Today was one of the few completely gorgeous days we’ve had in a while so I went block walking for Mayor Moore and Jess.  I knew you’d want me to.

It’s supposed to rain tomorrow so I’ll be back.


Gated Community!

April 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Can we build a fence around them?  News from Bundyland —

Democratic Rep. Steven Horsford, sent a letter to Clark County Sheriff Doug Gillespie about the safety of residents in the Bunkerville area. Horsford says his constituents have “expressed concern” over the presence of armed militia groups from out of state.

According to Horsford, his constituents say the militia have set up checkpoints where residents must prove they live in the area before they are allowed to pass and have set up a “persistent presence” along federal highways, and state and county roads. They also claim some have established an armed presence in the community.

Okay, so somebody wants to see my papers to pass to get to my home?  So who’s being the Nazis now?  A bunch of overweight middle aged guys who let their Viagra prescription lapse are armed and declaring marshall law?  Whoa.  That’s kinda weird.

Now see, here’s the deal.  I’d be willing to give them federal taxpayer owned land if they sign an agreement to never leave it.  Not even to go to the grocery store.  You guys are tough he-men – prove it.



Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

You Can Go To Hell For Lyin’ Same As You Can For Stealin’

April 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Rick Santorum expects you to believe this:

Screen Shot 2014-04-29 at 3.35.16 PM


Oh yeah, that happened.  And they were perfectly serious.  They were not jacking with him.  Nope.  They were scared to death of running against a guy who is flat out completely bubbly nuts.

This Is Becoming Habit, Boys.

April 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I need to talk to y’all about Montgomery County.  It’s just northeast of here and it has more bowling alleys and trailer parks per square mile than is allowed by most states.  It’s where men are men and sheep are scared.

Well, the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Department decided that they needed a fancy 4X4 heavily armored very expensive vehicle/tank.   Nobody seemed to know why they needed it except that they have five ole boys on commissioner’s court all named Bubba.


About two years ago, they decided that they also needed a $300,000 drone that could be fitted with a single or multiple-shot 40mm grenade launcher, 25mm grenade launcher or 12 gauge shotgun.  Again, the Bubba thing.

The very first day they went out and tested their $300,000 drone was one of those “Hey Festus, hold my beer and watch this” moments.  Amid much fanfare and teevee cameras, the drone – in mid test – amazingly and gloriously crashed.  But, not just your normal crash.  No, sireee.  That sucker up and crashed right into the armored 4X4.   I mean, that drone had all of Montgomery County to crash into and it picked their other favorite expensive toy.

Which brings us to yesterday.

Divers scoured the bottom of Lake Conroe in the hope of recovering a controversial $250,000 police drone that crashed into the water Friday.

The Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office confirmed the remote-controlled helicopter drone, which was bought in 2011 with a federal grant, suffered a malfunction and went down during an exercise over the lake.

The drone weighs 50 pounds.  If it crashed on you, it would hurt like the dickens.  Then there’s the problematic situation of all the firepower accidentally going off.

Now the way I figure it, this drone has given them two warnings and you would think that would be enough, but noooo… they are sending drivers into the lake to find it.  I hope that sucker has already dug its way to China.

Well, at least this drone was $50,000 cheaper, or so they say.  Yeah, that’s all we need – a discount drone.

Thanks to Daniel for the heads up.

How’s That Guns Galore Working Out For You, Georgia?

April 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So this morning some guy decides to shoot-up a Fed Ex shipping warehouse just northeast of Atlanta.

A package handler with an assault rifle and bullets strapped to his chest “like Rambo” injured six people at a Georgia FedEx facility early Tuesday before he was found dead of an apparent suicide, authorities and witnesses said.

Okay, let’s just say there was a police officer right there on duty watching the parking lot.  That officer would have no right to stop this dude or question him until the guy starts shooting.

You can walk around like Rambo in Georgia and they even give you time to aim and a couple of shots head start.  Not only is gun toting legal, it’s encouraged by the Governor and the Legislature.  If you go to Georgia, they stop you at the state line and loan you a gun.  And Rambo crap if you want it.

Way to stinkin’ go, Georgia.

Thanks to Old Mayfly for the heads up.



April 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Remember back when Bill Clinton was President of the United States of Damn America and the nut cases went around saying that Janet Reno was building secret re-education camps and had black helicopters to herd us all to the camps?

They’re baaaaaack …..

On Friday, John Jacob Schmidt of Radio Free Redoubt said that according to Stewart Rhodes, founder of Oath Keepers, Attorney General Eric Holder has approved drone strikes against the Bundy ranch to take place some time in the next 48 hours. According to Schmidt, the information came from a source Oath Keepers has within the Department of Defense.

And it gets even better, tin foil hat wearers …

rfr2That source, according to the report, allegedly said Attorney General Eric Holder authorized what is known as a “hot drone strike” against the ranch. Such a strike, he added would effectively kill everyone at the ranch.

So we here at Radio Free Juanita are encouraging everyone at the Beauty Salon to get their curling irons and Aqua Net and head on down to the ranch because those things will be about as effective against the United States Military as Bundy’s armed cadets.

I’ve got ten dollars cash American money that says that Eric Holder can’t call drone strikes.  He is, however, one of The Negros that Bundy thinks would be better off picking cotton.  So, maybe we should let Holder do it.

Get your damn horses off my land, Bundy.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.