Archive for November, 2013

Honey, Be Nice, This Poor Man Doesn’t Know Where He Is

November 25, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Y’all, I need to get to some truth here and quit coyoting  around the rim of the canyon.

East Texas Congressman Steve Stockman is truly insane.

Tom DeLay is evil.  Ted Cruz would sell his grandmother for attention. Louie Gohmert is a fox who knows what his constituents want to hear.  Joe Barton is bought and paid for.  Randy Neugebauer is whore.  Rick Perry is just dumber than bean dip.  Greg Abbott is going straight to hell.

Screen Shot 2013-11-25 at 10.10.56 AMBut Steve Stockman is delusional. It’s just a matter of time before he does something that is going to get banner headlines. I mean, look at those eyes. Would you want those eyes looking at you?  No, you would not. It would creep you out. And this man carries a gun.

Rep. Steve Stockman is offering free breakfast in exchange for pro-gun conversation. On Thursday, he invited Capitol Hill staffers to join a discussion being by the  Gun Owners of America entitled, “The Fallacy of Gun-Free School Zones.”

Stockman, R-Friendswood, posted on his website about the event underneath the headline, “Grab free donuts and coffee before Obama grabs your gun!”

The Houston Chronicle is doing a big investigation around where Stockman gets his money and how he reports it.  On the surface it appears that he just makes up companies he owns and claims he has money they make but only sometimes.  The Chronicle’s story on Sunday completely detailed the financial mess around Stockman, including proof of everything.  Stockman’s only reply: the writer of the column is liberal.

The Chronicle’s story is behind closed doors to non-subscribers. But, the Huffington Post picked up some of it.

Stockman doesn’t act crazy – he is crazy.  The last time he got booted out of congress, he ended up homeless and eating out of trash cans.  Being a congressman is the only way he can make money and appear to be sane – you know, in comparison.

I’m tellin’ ya, he’s a creepy headline just waiting to happen.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Yes, Sarah, And God Gave Me Good Sense To Turn You Off

November 25, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Sarah Palin is a godly woman.  On some other planet.

After she compared the national debt to slavery and everybody pointed and giggled at her, Fox News jumped to her defense.   Chris Wallace was the first to jump.

In a Sunday interview, Wallace told Palin she had made “fairly unobjectionable remarks” by comparing federal debt to slavery.

Sarah_Ted_EgoTrip2So, Sarah explained that God gave her the Fox News show to defend herself.  She then went off on some rampage about how defenseless children don’t have a television show to defend themselves so …

“I move on and I charge forth,” she explained. “However, if Mr. Bashir or anybody else in this media elite bubble that they put themselves were to attack someone who is defenseless like a vulnerable child who does not have the podium, that microphone that God has blessed me to be able to express my opinion, if they don’t have that type of platform to defend themselves, well, if you want to see a mama grizzly get riled up and slap that person down then you come after a vulnerable child.”

Nobody came after a vulnerable child.  Nobody even thought about it.  She ain’t Mother Teresa and nobody sees her do anything about defenseless children who don’t have enough to eat or no health care.  Mama grizzly, my sweet patootie.

Yes, God gave Sarah a television show just like he gave Jimmy Swaggart one.

Thanks to TexasTrailerParkTrash for the heads up and John for the most excellent graphic.

Do You Know Who We Haven’t Talked About in a While?

November 24, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Rand Paul.  We haven’t talked about Rand Paul in a while.  There is a perfectly good reason for that.  When I mention his name, Thelma grabs her scissors and her shotgun because she can’t decided if she should cut that hair on his head or shoot it before it eats his brains.  Personally, I think she’s a tad too late on the brains option.

Rand Paul is going to Detroit to do African American outreach for the GOP.  See, I told you that Thelma’s too late.

Rand Paul

Rand Paul

Senator Rand Paul, who has publicly told America that he does not support the part of the Civil Rights Act that forbids businesses from doing things like preventing African Americans from entering their premises, will be in Detroit on December 6th to open the Republican African American Engagement Office.

Detroit is 83% African American.  There are frontiers of fertile minds for economic and social Darwinism in Detroit.  Frontiers, I tell you.  I don’t know this for a fact but I suspect that being kicked out of lunch counters because of your color is just the words that African Americans need to hear that will switch them to Looneytarianism.  You know, because of freedom.

So if you’re not doing anything else on December 6th, head to Detroit and try to catch the show.

Thanks to Maggie for the heads up.

Oh Yeah, Wag The Cat

November 24, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Texas Senator John Cornyn, bless his heart.

John Cornyn

John Cornyn

He’s up for re-election in two years and he sees a hunk o’ woman coming after him on one side and a heap o’ tea baggers on the other.  Being that he’s a bit of a sissy, he’d rather face  armed tea baggers than pissed off women.  After seeing woman march on the the State Capitol, I think he’s made a wise choice.

However, siding with the tea baggers does have its own problems:  you have to look like an idiot.

Last night the President of the United States of America made a historic announcement that a 30 year breakthrough has been achieved over Iran’s nuclear weapons to make the work safer, Hohn, who is addicted to fringe in more ways that one, tweeted wisely ….

Screen Shot 2013-11-24 at 9.56.00 AM

Yes, in fact, he is stunningly unable to distinguish between trivial and earth shattering.  Yeah, nuclear holocaust from the hands of a craze madman vs. a website that doesn’t work.  Pretty much the same.

If President Obama were to cure cancer, Cornyn would claim it was to distract from Benghazi.

Here’s terse humor at it’s finest.

Screen Shot 2013-11-24 at 9.55.47 AM

John Cornyn, bless his heart.  That man is going down.  Hard.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

She’s In

November 23, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Leticia Van De Putte announced today that she’s running for Lieutenant Governor.

From Harvey Kronberg (subscription only)


Shows in first speech as a Lt Gov candidate that she’s ready to be the attack dog

In a wide-ranging speech in which she lashed out directly at the Republicans running for Lite Guv, Sen. Leticia Van de Putte, D-San Antonio, on Saturday began making the case that she should preside over the Texas Senate come 2015. Brought onstage by her daughter in a packed gymnasium at San Antonio College, Van de Putte told the crowd repeatedly that she was running because “Mama aint’ happy.” And she said, “If your family is anything like my family – when Mamma’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

This Mama is happy.


Sobbin’ John

November 23, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Up until now I wondered what part of the Affordable Care Act was it that John Boehner doesn’t understand.  You’d think he know what an Act is, so I figured that wasn’t it.  Care seemed to be the culprit because he doesn’t.

Closeup-BoehnerBut now we know for a fact that it’s the Affordable he’s having problems with.

In his attempt to make a point, Boehner went online to sign up for the Affordable Care Act.

He whines, whines, whines about how difficult it is to sign up.

“Earlier this afternoon, I sat down to try and enroll in the DC exchange under the president’s health care law,” he wrote. “Like many Americans, my experience was pretty frustrating. After putting in my personal information, I received an error message. I was able to work past that, but when I went to actually sign up for coverage, I got this ‘internal server error’ screen”:

We are so impressed that he can use a computer.  Well, get a grip, John.

A writer for Salon got on the ACA site and pretended to be you.  What he found is that you’d save a boat load of money even being a 604 year old man who is a chain smoker.

If he’d decided to enroll in Ohio, his options would be generally cheaper. The plans available in Butler County, where he resides, start at just $203.51 a month for a 64-year-old, or 1.1 percent of his annual income.

They have all the numbers here.

Apparently, a day later he got through just fine and purchased a plan.  He did not mention the great savings.   Of course not.

Thanks to Elizabeth Moon for the heads up.