Archive for October, 2013

You Have Entered The Twilight Zone

October 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

This is what I’m talking about.  This.

I would rather sort out a bushel basket of wire coat hangers than figure this out.

You know the GOP Senators who voted to raise the debt ceiling?  Well, they simply do not approve of themselves.

Twenty-seven Republican senators voted with Democrats on Oct. 16 to lift the debt ceiling and avert a catastrophic default. And each one of those 27 senators voted Tuesday to “disapprove” of their own votes.

The vote Tuesday was a symbolic “resolution to disapprove” of the debt limit hike.

So, I suspect the means you can symbolically thumb your nose at them.

New Rule for the Internet

October 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

From this day forward, satire must be clearly marked as such.

This world has gotten crazy.  Seriously.  Think about this:  The Republican Party has become so unpopular that Ted Cruz is now the Republican Party frontrunner for president because he badmouths … the Republican Party.

Last night I was playing on the internet machine and watching Rachel Maddow when ole Bubba starts making grumbling noises that he generally reserves for when the newspaper delivery person throws his morning newspaper in the only mud puddle in a fifty mile radius.

Ole Bubba was reading this.

AUSTIN, Texas — Texas Gov. Rick Perry has called a judge’s ruling on the restrictive new abortion law passed last July by the Texas legislature “a threat to men’s rights as keepers of women.”

“We will continue fighting to implement the laws passed by the duly-elected officials of our state, laws that reflect the will and values of Texans. Yeakel’s decision is a threat to men’s rights as keepers of women and their role as family protectors,” read the statement.

Ole Bubba was so riled that he damn near beat his La-z-Boy recliner into submission.  He messaged me a copy – that’s the modern day way of passing the newspaper – while making very rude comments about Rick Perry having no damn clue what a man is supposed to act like.

Perry_ClarkKent_1Now, Ole Bubba’s comments stand but the article doesn’t.

Here’s the problem, Ole Bubba, who has two advanced degrees so he’s not hangdog dumb, had to read it twice and check it out with Facebook to figure out that it was satire.  It is getting way too hard to tell, especially in Texas.

So, I go to Facebook this morning and three very smart people on Facebook think it’s real.

So either Texas Republicans have to stop talking so damn crazy when they are serious, or satire must be clearly marked with a warning.  And I’m going to tell you that doing the second one is going to be much easier.


I Have Very Cool Friends With Enough Courage to Go Down the Cliffs of Hell Without a Safety Belt

October 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I want to tell you about my friend Karen Wilkerson.  She lives gaily in Tyler, Texas.  You know, where Louie Gohmert is her congressman and a whole bundle of other crazy people represent her in Austin.

When I say she lives gaily, I mean that literally.  Karen is a smart, gorgeous, funny, gay woman.  It’s not so hard to be a gay person in Houston or Dallas, but holy crap, Karen is a gay person in the Free State of Tyler, Texas.

But, do you think that bothers her?  Nope.  This sign makes me so damn happy that I do a little dance every time I see it.


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Karen says, “It’s been up a few years. Several bullet holes in one of them (in a tight pattern, I hasten to add) and the other went missing once, but we got a replacement from the state. I’m always surprised that nobody throws stuff at us when we do cleanup. Actually, our stretch of the road stays pretty clean compared to others. Hmmm…”

Karen would fight a rattlesnake with one hand tied behind her back and give the snake three bites head start.  It makes me proud that there are people like her in Texas.   That’s why I stay here.


Here’s What Clean Living Will Get You

October 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So you’re 93 years old and you drive your red Cadillac to the eye doctor because you can’t see diddle squat and then everybody makes a big deal that you had a little fender bender.

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Please God, I want to be in the driver’s seat when I die, not walking down the sidewalk.


So, Two Rural Old White Men Walk Into a Bar …

October 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

… and one of them calls the other one a dirty name.

Welcome to the United States Senate where Oklahoma’s Tom Coburn called Utah’s Harry Reid “an asshole.”

That, of course, brought the intellectual discussion level of the United States Senate up about 14 points.

Both of those men live in states where you move quickly if you hear banjo music and they can’t get along?  I mean, you’d think they’d at least have taxidermy, bowling alleys, or door to door Bible salesmen in common.

Here’s the bottom line — Look Coburn, we pay Reid an extra fifty bucks a year to be an asshole to you.  It’s worth damn every penny.

Thanks to Don A for the heads up.


You Wanna Know What They Are Really, Really Good At?

October 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I will tell you what they are good at.  They are good at victimizing people and then playing the victim themselves.

ted-cruz-really-24784_186x186Ted Cruz, who looked at people living paycheck to paycheck and decided to throw them out of work, casts himself as David vs. Goliath.  As a martyr.

Get outta here.  Here’s some privileged Canadian guy, with a blue ribbon $40,000 a year health care package from his wife’s job  who is trying to play Joan of Arc.  Or even

As an audience of 600 Republicans awaited the arrival of Sen. Ted Cruz Friday night at the Iowa Events Center, conservative Christian activist Steve Scheffler came to the podium to give thanks to God for the Tea Party savior — and plead for more principled conservative leaders like him willing to “be crucified for their belief system.”

Wait a minute.  Wait a minute.  Wait just a damn minute.  He’s Jesus?

Last week, Tom DeLay compared himself to Moses returning from the wilderness, and now Cruz is Jesus Christ.  I guess they want Boehner to be John the Baptist so Salome (who is obviously Sarah Palin) can get his head on a platter.

Republicans, who are more second rate snake oil salesmen than Biblical giants, need to stop with this stuff before we start asking for miracles.

The minute they start hurting people, they clutch their hands to their chest and go full martyr in 60 seconds or less.