Archive for September, 2013

Fun With Guns: Remember That Scene in The Godfather? Edition

September 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Let’s whisk our thoughts to the state of Missouri where, according the official news reports, they now have indoor bathrooms at the state capitol.  Not particularly safe bathrooms, mind you.

kahr-cm9-9mmA Missouri House staffer reportedly left a loaded gun in a public restroom in the state Capitol last week.

According to a Capitol Police incident report, a Kahr CM9 9mm pistol – later claimed by House Speaker Tim Jones’ legislative assistant Dave Evans – was found on top of the toilet paper dispenser in a men’s restroom in the Capitol basement Friday. The incident report states that the gun “was fully loaded with one round in the chamber and six rounds in the magazine.”

I do not know why Mr. Evans felt unsafe in a building full of armed guards.

All I can figure is that maybe Michael Corleone was supposed to find it.

And You Can Tell They Are Drunk Because …

September 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

It is extremely difficult to tell if a Republican member of Congress is drunk by the way they behave.  You have to smell it on them to know.

Apparently last night the whole place smelled like a Lone Star Beer factory.

As the evening wore on, reporters on the House floor were tweeting about the smell of booze in the room and obnoxious behavior more and more. Now, we all would expect that sort of thing from Boehner. I mean, come on, it was Saturday night, he’s John Boehner, of course he would be drunk….and orange. But I must admit that even I am a bit shocked that the others were hitting the bottle.

In their defense, there’s no way you can vote like a Republican while sober.  That’s a scientific fact.  Look it up.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Fun With Guns: Not THAT Kind of Snake Edition

September 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

It happened in Florida.

Eighteen year old Brandon Rapé was out with some friends in a pickup truck at 11:00 one night and need to use the bathroom.  They pulled over and he proceeded to take care of business.

As they were pulling over, 18 year old Jared Hemphill saw a snake in the road and borrowed the semi-automatic rifle of a 21 year old friend who was with them to shoot the snake.  Jared heard rustling in the bushes and suspected that was the snake.  So he fired the Remington Speedmaster and hit … you guessed it … Brandon.

Luckily, Brandon was hit in the thigh and will live.  He is not pressing charges but will retain bragging rights for his stuff being mistaken for a snake.

And a week before that a 75 year old man in Florida shot himself in the finger while aiming for a water moccasin on his front porch.  The water moccasin got away.

It seems to me that the snakes are winning and they don’t even have guns.

Somebody alert the NRA.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Schmaltz Across Texas

September 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You probably think I’ve already told you about all the wacky congressvermin in Texas.  If so, you would think wrong.

220px-John_Abney_Culberson,_Official_Portrait,_112th_CongressPlease meet Texas Congressitch John Culberson.  Culberson is from the Houston area, grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth, and is part of the fringe group who wanted to pass a law making all Presidential candidates produce a birth certificate.  And then he sponsored a bill that all veterans had to have Christian funerals whether that’s what the family wanted or not.  Veterans are required to love Jesus, dammit.

Well, Culberson is given to delusional fits of grandeur.  I swear on Momma’s kitchen table that Culberson can strut sitting down.

He’s mighty excited about congresstwits who represent 18% of the population shutting down 100% of the government.  He is of the opinion that he’s a damn hero.

Prepare yourself for this.

No, seriously, prepare yourself.  You may think you’re ready for the height of OMG WTF, but you are not.  Deep breath.

Okay, tweet …


Screen Shot 2013-09-29 at 10.57.56 AM


So Texas Republican Congressman John Culberson thinks he’s like the heroes of 9/11.  Guts vs. Gall.

And at the Museum of Overinflated Egos, John has his own room.

Thanks to Norma for the heads up.


The Muslims are Coming! The Muslims are Coming!

September 28, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I guess I should start by telling you a little about San Angelo, Texas.  It ain’t near nothing.  You might accidentally see it if you’re ever making the five hour trip from Waco to Odessa, but that’s like going from the frying pan into the fire so there’s not a hoard of people making that trip.  And even if they did, they go all the way around San Angelo by going through Abilene.

Now I’m not saying that Terry M. Campbell is the only reason that people avoid San Angelo, but he’s sure in the top ten.  Terry is former president of the San Angelo Tea Party.  He is 74 years old and one of the youngest members.  The San Angelo Tea Party has a website.

So the Tea Party had a program on radical Islam and Terry Campbell went bonkers.

According to the news site San Angelo Live, Campbell said the city has “four Muslim families” and “I don’t trust any of them.”

He denied saying, as the news site reported, “and that’s four too many.”

500+-Islamic-Words-You-Should-KnowThey had a guest speaker at the meeting about her new book called, “500+ Islamic Words You Should Know.”  Which is kinda shooting for the stars because most of these folks don’t know 500 English words.

As O’Brien continued to talk about the importance of electing conservative officials to public office, a man in the front row interrupted with a shout: “Would’ve been for terminance [sic],” the man said.

“Well, I don’t won’t to talk about that tonight,” O’Brien replied. But the audience still wasn’t quite ready to wind down.

“We got to become crusaders and put that cross on our chest again,” another man spoke out from somewhere in the middle as O’Brien concluded her speech.

You can read all about the meeting here.

Thanks to Frank for the heads up.

Isn’t THAT Special?

September 27, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, so here’s how this went down.

First thing that happened was that Ari Fletcher, George W Bush’s former press secretary, saw a tweet by President Barack Obama and was all “oh no, you di-int.”


Screen Shot 2013-09-27 at 3.50.25 PM


The only thing was, President Obama’s tweet was most certainly not over 140 characters. Count for yourself and you get 136 characters.


Screen Shot 2013-09-27 at 3.58.01 PM


So, there was that.

Fletcher admitted he was wrong but I imagine that he’s sure it wasn’t his fault.

The next thing that happened was that Public Policy Polling polled people and happened to ask if people thought that President Obama got to use more than 140 character on Twitter.  PPP often does fun stuff like that.

The poll showed that 13 percent of GOP primary voters think Twitter does permit Obama to exceed the 140 character limit while a majority — 52 percent — said they weren’t sure. Thirty-six percent said they don’t think Obama enjoys a larger character limit than the rest of Twitter users.

Little know fact:  57% of Republican voters believed that Tweet is what Miley Cyrus did on tv.  The rest thought we should invade Iraq to make Miley Cyrus stop doing that.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.