Archive for March, 2013

Happy Easter From Truman

March 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Who is not very excited about the demeaning task of lowering his place on the food chain.


Love Me Some Tea Party People

March 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

We’re having a school board race in my little community and the Tea party is financing candidates they hand picked.

We have a pretty diverse school board and the same superintendent since 2001.   Dr. Thomas Randle has done an amazing job with minority schools and is popular with both teachers and parents.  He’s African American.

Out of 7 school board members, only two are white men and one of them is retiring this year from District 6 and is supporting a highly qualified Latina.

Enter the Tea Party.  One of their candidates, Beth Horstman, is running for District 2.  Today we got a Vote By Mail application from her because, dammit, get off my damn lawn you stinkin’ kids.  Old people are grumpy and vote against everything.

It was a dandy nice mailer and these things aren’t cheap.

Nice, huh?

Only problem is that we live in District 6.   There’s like two district between her and me.

And she wants us to trust her with planning and money?

Just sayin’.  Maybe not so much.

Ted, Don’t Do That and Other Adventures in Thinking

March 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Crazzzy Ted Cruz, who let his brain rattle around too much while running for Senate, has now decided that there is no climate change and therefore let’s screw women.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has nixed a provision in a routine Senate resolution commemorating International Women’s Day, reported Gail Collins of the New York Times in her Thursday column.

A provision in the resolution, very similar to one passed in 2011, said women “are disproportionately affected by changes in climate because of their need to secure water, food and fuel for their livelihood.”

Ted doesn’t believe that and God forbid we should help women when Ted’s sensibilities are offended in the process.

Speaking for well-coiffed women everywhere, I would just like to say that you sure do talk big for a man who voted against Sandy relief.  Did you just send a letter instead saying, “I don’t believe this weird weather happened but please make sure your women are whipped daily to keep them in line.”

If ya did, I admire your consistency.  If you didn’t, you’re over the jerk limit.

Thanks to Warner for the heads up.

Don’t Do That and Other Adventures in the Kitchen

March 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I’m a fairly decent Country/Creole/Tex-Mex cook.  Anyone of the three, I can handle.  I can make a roux, a gravy, and an enchilada cheese sauce.  I can fry okra, roast potatoes, and make rice.  If I invite you to my house, there’s gonna be food involved.  My friends can attest that you will eat and take food home with you when you come see me.

Bubba barbeques and even has his own special house out back for it.  ‘Nuff said.

That’s why there’s things I don’t understand.  Now mind you, I do not slaughter my own meat or grow all my own vegetables.  But, I certainly do not buy ice tea.  Good Lord, it involves water and a tea bag.  If you can’t do that, get the hell outta the kitchen because you’re gonna eventually hurt yourself.

So, I read today that kids got poisoned because they ate frozen chicken quesadillas.

Chicken quesadillas are not like Julia Child has some 80 step recipe for.  You get two flour tortillas, throw some chicken – hell, you can even use canned chicken if you’re especially lazy – and some cheese and heat up that sucker.  That’s it.  Ta Da!

Next thing you know they’ll be selling frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and people will buy it “for convenience.”

What is happening?  Have we moved out of the cave, marveling at fire, and into the frozen food section, gathered around the frosty glass marveling at frozen scrambled eggs?

Cook something!  It’s good for the soul.

Which reminds me, my friend Bob Dunn is my favorite gentleman farmer and has the best recipe for mango salsa I’ve ever made.  Nothing welcomes spring quite like a juicy mango.

Good eating this weekend, y’all.

By request – Bubba’s Barbeque Condo

THIS is What I’m Talking About, Gun Lobby. This.

March 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Clark Aposhian, chairman of the Utah Shooting Sports Council, who you would think knows a thing or two about gun safety, parked his car in this driveway overnight and some damn fool stole the AR-15 he had in his car.

Do not ask me why Aposhian had an AR-15 in his car.  Perhaps he had an early morning call to go shoot some terrorists.

It doesn’t just look bad.  It is bad.

Police are always concerned about a stolen firearm, but especially one of this caliber, Askerlund said.

Investigators have no leads yet on who stole the assault rifle.

Aposhian declined to comment.

Declined to comment?  Oh really?  What?  Did Wayne LaPierre oversleep and not call to tell him how to blame that on President Obama and the Liberals?  I’m sure it’s our fault.

Thanks to Carl and Brian for the heads up.

An Open Letter to Cathy Engelbrecht

March 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Dear Ms. Engelbrecht,

As head honcho of the King Street Patriots and True the Vote, along with being a neighbor of mine, I tragically and mistakenly assumed that you thought voter fraud was serious bidness.

I was very mistaken. True the Vote is just a money raising scheme for you. I apologize for any damage that my false assumption may have caused you on your quest to rock stardom in GOP circles and your own slot on Fox News.

Early last October we gave you rock solid Supreme Court proof that your own personal candidate for County Commissioner in Fort Bend County, Bruce Flemming, voted in two different states – Texas and Pennsylvania – in the same damn elections.

In 2006, 2008, and 2010, Bruce voted in person in Fort Bend County and by mail in Pennsylvania in the same general elections. According to his financial disclosure forms, Bruce Fleming also owns a house in Pennsylvania. (He homesteaded a house in Texas and a house in Pennsylvania, but that illegality is a whole ‘nother story.) Bruce felt that owning houses in both states gave him the right to vote in the same elections in both states.

That’s a third degree felony in Texas.

We gave you copies of the papers and everything. We also gave you proof that his wife did it, too, in 2010.

Last October, when it was brought to your attention that your Republican County Commissioner candidate was not only caught red-handed in triple voter fraud but was bragging about it, you said that we should back down talking about it until he was convicted.

That’s a load of dog dump.