Archive for January, 2013

The Best Piece of Legislation in the Texas House

January 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The Hook and Gig ‘Em Bill.  HB778


(a)The intercollegiate football teams of The University of Texas at Austin and Texas A&M University shall annually play a nonconference, regular-season football game against one another.

(b)If The University of Texas at Austin or Texas A&M University refuses to play the football game required by Subsection (a) in a year, the university may not award to any student for the following academic year an athletic scholarship, grant, or similar financial assistance funded with state money and conditioned on the student ’s participation on the university ’s intercollegiate football team.

Because it should be the law, dammit.

Thanks to the Other Susan for the heads up.

Your Daily Gohmert

January 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Oh, Louie, God love ya.  It ain’t easy keeping your name on top of the Whack Stack every damn day, but you – yes, you, Louie, are up for the challenge.

Louie has a money-making scheme.  He wants all of President Obama’s former students at the University of Chicago Law School to file a class action suit against the President because …

Gohmert, along with Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN), appeared on Fox News’ Hannity to discuss a recent court ruling that found Obama had violated the Constitution when making recess appointments to the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB). The three-judge panel said the Senate remained formally in session when Obama made the appointments during Christmas break.

“It is part of the Constitution,” Gohmert said. “I think one of the big legal ramifications that should come out of this is a class-action lawsuit by all of those who had him as a constitutional law instructor to get their money back. I think it would be a lay-down case for them.”

Yes, and a three judge panel has the final word of constitutionality, said no law professor ever.

Hey, Louie gets points for just the sheer volume of crazy crap.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Cruz, Cornyn, and What’s His Name

January 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So you heard that of the three senators who voted against John Kerry for Secretary of State, two were from Texas.  That’s only because they won’t let us have 3 senators from Texas.

Ted Cruz

Most everybody knew that Ted Cruz was angling for Top Gun Teapartier status so he had to do something wild and crazy right away and making signs with misspelled words is so … well, yesterday.  Literally, yesterday – and probably tomorrow, too.

So, Cruzapolooza went for broke and bad mouthed a guy with a distinguished military career as being anti-military.  Cruz didn’t serve in the military, which means he loves the military because not serving was the nicest thing he could do for America.

Most folks, however, were a little taken back over John Cornyn’s vote.  John Cornyn is so slick he can’t keep his socks up so we figured something was going on besides just  “Holy crap, People, I’m from Texas so I have to be stoopid.”

Sure ’nuff.

The founder and director of a grass-roots conservative group said he expects Senate Minority Whip John Cornyn, R-Texas, to face a primary challenge. Cornyn is up for re-election in 2014.

“I don’t know how good of a primary challenge he is going to get at this point, but he will get a primary challenge,” said Dean Wright, co-founder and director of New Revolution Now, based in Austin, Texas.

John Cornyn

Now I’m here to tell you that  Cornyn knows that his vote was numbskulled and idiotic.  He’s fully aware of that.  So instead following the advice of party leaders for Republicans to quit being stupid and mean, Cornyn wants to lead the herd of chickadees down the path of self destruction because he’d rather be a shameless floozy in the senate than a wise and respected person anywhere else.  Ain’t that just the saddest thing you’ve heard all day?

By the way, the only reason that Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma voted against Kerry is that stoopid spreads north.  Luckily, Tom Coburn was wearing a tin foil hat.

That’s the truth.  You can look it up.

Here, CindyLou, Hold My Beer And Watch This

January 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So now you know who elects these fools in Texas.

Two people were critically injured in an explosion and fire Tuesday morning after smoking on a catwalk over oil storage tanks, officials say.

According to Van Zandt County Fire Marshal Chuck Allen, at about 3 a.m. firefighters were called to a fire at an oil storage facility north of Van, Texas, along state Highway 110.

And get this – they were trespassing.

I certainly hope they were not smoking after you-know-what.

Which reminds me of an old joke.  Do you smoke after sex?  If so, you’re doing it too fast.

(Nobody tell Momma, ya hear?)

Thanks to Jan for the heads up.

Sick Uh Rick (Yeah, that’s spelled right)

January 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Yeah, now we have numbers.

Honey, I am so sick of Rick Perry that I’d have to get better to die.  It appears that I am not alone.

PPP’s newest poll finds that only 31% of voters think Perry should seek reelection next year, compared to 62% who think it’s time for him to step aside. He’s among the most unpopular Governors in the country, with only 41% of voters approving of him to 54% who disapprove.

Okay, that’s the good news.  But don’t get to celebrating yet, because  ….

The bad news outweighs it.  The old white dude who most likely would win to GOP primary is … shiver, shiver … Greg Abbott, the meanest man in Texas.  He would steal a widow woman’s kindling and hire a stripteaser for a blind man’s birthday.  He makes a hornet look cuddly.

But, Perry is over.  Texans finally got to see the guy answer questions in a uncontrolled situation and he embarrassed the tarnation out of them.

There’s been some speculation recently that Perry might be interested in making another bid for the White House. But only 14% of Texans think Perry should run again, to 79% who are opposed to the idea. Even among his fellow Republicans only 22% think Perry should run for President again with 66% against the concept.

Yeah, they finally got to see Rick Perry and saw that he was dumber than bean dip.

Thanks to Steve for the heads up.

Welcome to Texas, Cowpoke

January 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Where we know how to shoot ‘um up.

  • PALESTINE, TX, 1/16/13: According to The Palestine Herald, the victim, identified as 31-year-old Edgar Torres of Palestine, was treated for a wound to the right side at Palestine Regional Medical Center around 9 PM Wednesday. Investigators learned that the victim was looking at a handgun that he was going to buy in the 400 block of Cherokee Street when he allegedly accidentally shot himself in the side.
  • KILLEEN, TX, 1/16/13: Heffernan, Tennyson and a third man were in the living room of Heffernan’s home in the 3500 block of Pebble Drive on Jan. 16 when the shooting occurred. An arrest affidavit stated Heffernan had been cleaning a Taurus revolver when the gun fired and struck Tennyson in the head. Police confiscated the weapon and noted in the affidavit that with the chamber closed, bullets were clearly visible.
  • PFLUGERVILLE, TX, 1/18/13: Pflugerville police are investigating a gun range shooting that sent one man to the hospital Friday night. According to police, the man shot himself at Red’s Indoor Range , located at 1908 W Pecan.

And in the That’s Her Story and She’s Sticking To It Department of Female Revenge:

MYAKKA CITY, FL, 1/26/13: The fiancé was firing a Taurus Model 1911 .45 when a casing ejected and landed inside her shirt. She tried to keep the hot casing off of her by bending over and trying to swat the casing out, but when she did, she unknowingly pointed the gun down at the victim’s leg and accidentally fired another round.

Thanks to Brian C for the heads up.