Archive for January, 2013

Dire Warning

January 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Warning to all members of Congress.  This is what happens when you cut Social Security.

And just for the record, I know I certainly feel safer with this gray menace behind bars.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Hello, Karma, Come Right On In

January 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Now, I do not wish ill-will to anybody (okay, almost anybody) and I think innocent bystander are the saddest two words in the English language.


If Karma comes a’knockin’ as it did after the horrible tornadoes in Georgia …

Sadly, the Republican Congressman who currently represents that district, Phil Gingrey, voted against Sandy aid as did the Republican who represented that district until recent redistricting, Robert Woodall (GA-7, Adairsville). Woodall is on record as voting against aid for Hurricane Sandy victims. He explained this in a newsletter, writing, “(W)e almost always serve one another better locally than we do with a check from Washington, D.C.”

Good luck on that bake sale, Buddy.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Okay, I Know It Gets Lonely in Montana, But …

January 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Once you start fantasizing about spanking people, it’s time to turn in your Lawmaker Badge.

Jerry, of course.

Montana State Rep. Jerry O’Neil (R) is sponsoring a bill to allow defendants to “bargain with the court” to receive “corporal punishment in lieu of incarceration.” The bill would apply to not just misdemeanor crimes, but also felonies — though the bill requires that the “exact nature of the corporal punishment to be imposed” be “commensurate with the severity, nature, and degree of the harm caused by the offender.”

Look, I frankly don’t care what Montana does because after reading this I have dissuaded myself of any desire to go to Montana, but you gotta promise me something.  If this bill passes, Jerry doesn’t get to watch.

Now, that would be justice.

Bill Zedler Didn’t Get The Memo

January 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Y’all, I need to issue an apology for Bill Zedler … well, actually I need to issue several apologies for Zedler, a member of the Texas Yehaw! Legislature.

Zedler was the guy who wanted strippers to have to obtain a license and wear it while performing.  He filed a bill that would allow doctors to inject jet fuel into patients – yes, the same doctor who contributed heavily to his campaign – and a bill to outlaw Sharia law in Texas.

So, what’s left?

Where the hell was Barack Obama born, dammit!

Yes, Zedler has introduced a birther bill to the Texas lege.  Yehaw!

It would allow the Texas Secretary of State to “obtain a certified copy of the candidate’s birth certificate from the original issuing authority” before that name could go on a Texas ballot.

Me?  Hell, I need proof that Zedler was sired by humans.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

In Your Dreams, Scalia

January 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia can kiss my big blue butt.

Get ready for this.

Scalia goes to speak at SMU and says —

He spoke of schoolchildren coming to visit the Supreme Court and calling the Constitution a “living document.”

“It’s not a living document. It’s dead, dead, dead,” he said.

What the hell?  If it’s dead, you sorry sonuvabitch, it’s because you killed it.

You little pipsqueak, allow me to remind you of the words of Barbara Jordan during the impeachment of Richard Nixon —

Earlier today, we heard the beginning of the Preamble to the Constitution of the United States: “We, the people.” It’s a very eloquent beginning. But when that document was completed on the seventeenth of September in 1787, I was not included in that “We, the people.” I felt somehow for many years that George Washington and Alexander Hamilton just left me out by mistake. But through the process of amendment, interpretation, and court decision, I have finally been included in “We, the people.”

Today I am an inquisitor. An hyperbole would not be fictional and would not overstate the solemnness that I feel right now. My faith in the Constitution is whole; it is complete; it is total. And I am not going to sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminution, the subversion, the destruction, of the Constitution.

Scalia needs to resign.  If the constitution is dead, then I don’t have the right to vote.

This walleyed snot nosed hissy fit is brought to you thanks to Texas Ellen.

Skeet? You Don’t Have Any Empty Beer Cans?

January 30, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You know, I really wish the President hadn’t said that stuff about skeet shooting at Camp David.

First off, I’m from Texas and even I don’t think that the ability to kill skeet is something we need in a President.  I’d been far more impressed if he had said that he shot empty beer cans off stumps.

Second off, Dick Cheney could shoot a friend in the face but that didn’t win him the Nobel Prize.

Third off, we had a woman who could field dress a damn moose and we were not impressed.

Last off, Marsha Blackburn, a United States Representative from Tennessee who sold all her skeet for botox, now wants to go on vacation with the President, which is something big considering that her hometown has a monument to Nathaniel Bedford Forrest, a founder of the KKK.

Now here’s where it gets weird.

She challenged him to a skeet shooting contest.

“If he is a skeet shooter, why have we not heard of this? Why have we not seen photos? Why has he not referenced it at any point in time as we have had this gun debate that is ongoing?” the Tennessee Republican asked CNN’s Erin Burnett.

Remember birthers?  Now we got Skeeters?

Oh Lord, help us.

Maybe it’s just me, but I suspect that the day we let some crazy Republican woman go to a secluded place with the President and give her a gun is the day cows give beer.

Somebody needs to sit Marsha down and explain to the poor dear that if she does in fact beat Barack Obama at skeet shooting, that does not make her President.    Shooting hoops makes you President.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.