This is a couple of true stories. I swear. True.
In about 1985 I was the first woman asked to join the local Optimist Club in my hometown. This particular service club made Houston headlines ten years before for being carted off to the pokey during a strip joint raid which they attended after a district meeting in Houston. Even at that time, most of them were retired. By the time I was asked to join, you had to carbon date them to figure out how many candles to put on their birthday cake.
The only reason they asked me to join was because they got snookered into signing up for a mile stretch of Texas highway to pick up litter. It was only after the sign-up that they realized that none of them could walk a mile, much less stoop over. They figured I could, and they thoroughly enjoyed watching me do it.
I loved those old coots and miss them until this day. They taught me the valuable lesson that laughing adds years onto your life.
One Wednesday lunchtime, Dick Goodman (a misdescriptive name if there ever was one) came in whining about one thing or another. Dick said his feet hurt, his wife was nagging him, his eye doctor was retiring and he didn’t know another good eye doctor, his feet still hurt, the paperboy purposefully throws his newspaper in the rose bushes, there’s a Republican in the White House, his neighbor walks across his yard to get to the neighbor on the other side, and his damn feet hurt.
Jim, a retired radio reporter and semi-professional colorful man, had about all he could take. He finally stood up, spilling over his ice tea all over his Bonanza Steakhouse Hunk-o-Beef blue plate special, pointed his fork like a weapon at Dick and hollered, “Dick, this is the goddam Optimist Club. Shut the F&^)#@! up.”
The goddam Optimist Club – it remains one of my favorite lines ever. Until today.
The Mitt Romney Trail of Tears through the civilized world has produced another wildly inappropriate saying.
In Poland the American press corp was yelling questions at Romney because, according to CNN, Romney has only taken three questions from the traveling press corps during his week-long trip abroad, so yelling is their only way to ask.
CNN: “Governor Romney are you concerned about some of the mishaps of your trip?
NYT: “Governor Romney do you have a statement for the Palestinians?
Washington Post: “What about your gaffes?
NYT: “Governor Romney do you feel that your gaffes have overshadowed your foreign trip?”
CNN: “Governor Romney just a few questions sir, you haven’t taken but three questions on this trip from the press!
Gorka: “Show some respect”
NYT: “We haven’t had another chance to ask a question…”
Gorka: “Kiss my ass. This is a Holy site for the Polish people. Show some respect.”
“Kiss my ass. This is a Holy site. Show some respect.”
Best. Line. Ever.
Thanks to Kyle for the heads-up, and reminding me of my Optimist Brothers.