Archive for May, 2012

Ponder on This

May 31, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

John Edwards, who is the scummiest man on earth, was found not guilty on one count and a mistrial on the other counts.

Tom DeLay was found guilty on all counts.

When the dickens is that little bugger going to jail?  Honey, when you’re worse than John Edwards, that’s doing something.  You cannot do that by accident.

Who Could Have Seen This Coming?

May 31, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

There is was a minister in West Virginia who was profiled in the Washington Post Magazine for his snake-handling skills.

Mark Randall “Mack” Wolford was known all over Appalachia as a daring man of conviction. He believed that the Bible mandates that Christians handle serpents to test their faith in God — and that, if they are bitten, they trust in God alone to heal them.

Well, I also think God trusts you not to be a damn fool.

He died.  And you know how.  Snake bit ’em.

Wanna make this story even more West Virginia?  His father was a snake handler who died of a snake bite in 1983.  Apparently, it’s genetic that they don’t believe that Saint Mark was speaking metaphorically when he said, “they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them…”

Hey, at least they didn’t drink poison.

Lesson: Quit testing God.  He’s got better things to do.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

(Heavy Sigh) Another Casuality of the Drug War

May 31, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The eight term Democratic  United States Congressman from El Paso, Silvestre Reyes, got whipped in the Democratic primary.


There were lots of reasons for this, but the main, overriding, and why-the-hell-can’t-people-see-this-tsunami reason is that his opponent favors legalizing marijuana.

Every day the good people of El Paso see the failure of the drug war across its border with Mexico.

El Pasoans are well aware that the Mexican narcos spilling all that blood purchase their high-powered weapons with the more than $30 billion that cartels earn annually trafficking drugs to Americans – the lion’s share of which comes from the sale not of heroin or cocaine or methamphetamine, but marijuana.

Legalize marijuana and you rob the major source of funding for drug cartels.  You also can save police work for major deadly drugs.

The folks in El Paso see that and they elected Beto O’Rourke, who sat on city council when they unanimously voted to legalize marijuana.  Unanimously.  The mayor vetoed it.

It was a five person race and one man got over 50% of the vote – the man who got attacked for favoring reform of marijuana laws.

On the campaign trail, Reyes touted his experience and connections, the El Paso Times reports, while blasting O’Rourke for his support for marijuana legalization. The campaign turned especially negative in the final week of the race as Reyes attacked O’Rourke’s character.

Some folks I know tried like the dickens to get a referendum on the Texas Democratic ballot to say that we favor legalization of marijuana.  It couldn’t get the votes to pass the executive committee.

I truly hate to lose Reyes because he’s a good man, but if he didn’t see this coming a mile off, he can’t see lightning or hear thunder.  I wish Beto O’Rourke good luck in Washington (whoever wins the Democratic primary in El Paso wins the election) and hopes he keeps his word to the people.

Screwed by a Shortreed

May 31, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I don’t think it has dawned on anybody yet that the totally vicious lying crazy woman who let some low-life Republican writ twit buy her the Democratic nomination for a district judgeship in Harris County has not only screwed us, but has also tied the entire county and justice system to a barbwire fence for another screwing.

Elaine Palmer‘s seedy, low-life, disgraceful  campaign to beat the Honorable Democratic Judge Steve Kirkland worked and now we have an unqualified, complaint-ridden Democrat running against … oh dear God, help me …. a Republican named Ken Shortreed.

Ken almost has a website, and he seems like an awfully cheerful fella.  But, I see a few problems with his being a District Court Judge.  Just a few.

First off, there’s an odd video on his website.  I mean, I suspect it’s a long video but I didn’t have the courage to click the little GO button because the title of the video kinda scared me.

The top of a video at his website —

Dude, I know how you feel, for me every ballet is loooong.  Cripes, that swan woman flops around on the stage for an hour before she dies.  Just belly-up, Girl!  And there’s not even popcorn.

In the video he explains that he meant to say, “It’s a long ballot but at the bottom there’s a Shortreed.”

Well hell, now I respect him even less than I did when I thought he didn’t like ballet.

And he does have a Facebook page with this interesting sampling of people who inspire Ken.

Okay, first off, he couldn’t bother to get a picture of Jesus?  Those suckers are all over the place.

Now, if I were to pick the trinity of people who inspire me, Dean Gerald Treece of South Texas College of Law would not rank up there with Jesus.  I mean, Treece is a nice guy and all, but I doubt he’s had any luck changing water into wine.  I could be wrong.  I did not go to writ twit school. No telling what they do behind those closed doors.

So, come November we get to pick between a puppet woman and a crazy man.

Lord help us.  Oh wait, no.  Dean Gerald Treece help us.

Thanks to Bruce for the heads-up.

Do They Have a Time-Out Chair in the Illinois State House?

May 30, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Well, they need one.

State Representative Mike Bost almost set himself on fire this morning, quite accidentally.  He got riled up just a tad about some reform legislation pushed by the Democratic Governor and some Democratic members of the House.

So, after two or three seconds of reflective contemplation, he decided to go the Crazzzzy Man route.

Watching the faces of the people around him is almost as much fun as watching him.  You know his daughter will never get a date to the prom, right?

Thanks to Bud for the heads up.

Yo, Dude, Try Walking

May 30, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I just love sassy women.  We operate on the theory that the more crap you put up with, the more crap you’re going to get.

Short story:  Female certified pilot in Brazil.  Male passenger blurts, “Someone should have told me the captain was a woman. I’m not flying with a female at the controls.”

This will not end well.  I know that for a fact.

She tossed his butt off the airplane, but not mid-flight, which takes some of the fun out of the story. But, she did toss him out and have him met by the police.

Her airline stood up for her.

The Brazilian airline later backed its pilot’s decision with a statement that it wouldn’t tolerate disparaging remarks about any of 1,400 women working there.

Okay, so if Mitt Romney wins, I’m moving to Brazil.  And applying for a job to drive the police car that drives these dudes away.

Thanks to Carl for the heads-up.