Archive for December, 2011

One Damn Dandy Idea

December 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Tom from Plano sent us a New Year’s Resolution that we all should adopt.

It goes something like this.

From now until November, when someone races to pass so that they can claim a place in front of me at a red light, or runs their stuffed shopping cart over my foot so they can beat me to the express line, or shares their cell phone conversation with everyone in the shop, the post office, even the theater, I will no longer reach into the sack of familiar profanities and pejoratives. Nor will I attempt the ever-futile, icy “Excuse me?”

No, this year I will answer every rude, self-involved, craniorectal act with the same, simple adjective.

“Wow, how Republican.” “Way Republican, dude.” “That is SO Republican.”

This appellation is effective in two ways. It tags the behavior with a group of Americans who have spent untold effort identifying with the privileged and telling everyone else to kiss off. Not merely as in, “Hey, you should pay more taxes so I don’t have to,” but even, “Hey, shouldn’t your ten-year-old kid be cleaning toilets at the school?”

Tom fully admits that he swiped it from here.  Now it’s your job to swipe it and spread it around.

There ain’t no two ways about it – that’s a plan that’ll work.

Thanks again to Tom for the heads-up.

The Librul Monster Holds The Girl Scouts in Its Fist

December 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

There is no stopping the Librul Monster.  There is no keeping it away from our children.  Especially our tasty little girl children.

And there’s not getting anything by the geniuses at FOX News.  They will catch the Librul Monster wherever it goes.

And it’s going for the Girl Scouts and their yummy cookies.

Right-wing bloggers and Fox News have managed to squeeze in one more liberal conspiracy theory before the end of 2011.

The controversy is over a section in the Girl Scouts’ media guide that advises readers to use sites like and MediaMatters to fact-check what they read on the Internet. Because, as Steve Doocy put it on Fox & Friends on Thursday, because MediaMatters is “clearly a lefty blog,” telling members to turn to them means the Girl Scouts must secretly be in the tank for the left.

Yes, it is true.  Facts have a liberal bias.

Foiled again by Fox news!

And that Junior Walter Cronkite, Andrew Breitbart, says, “Think twice before buying Girl Scout cookies next year.”  Rats!  Who leaked to him that we’re putting Librul Juice in the S’Mores?

And if you want to see a boatload of crazy, read the comments under Breitbart’s column.  According to them, we’re training the Girl Scouts to be George Soros’ sex slaves.  Or, worst yet, informed readers.

So my mind is made up.  I am buying cases of Girl Scout cookies this year and leaving a box on the doorstep of every rightwinger in my neighborhood.  Odds are pretty good they’ll eat anything they get for free.

Thanks to Brian for the heads-up.

Friday Toon

December 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


December 29, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Remember how I said that Rick Perry would be able to carry on with his big money donors?

Not so much.

In the last two days, three Perry Super PACs – Jobs for Iowa, Jobs for South Carolina and Jobs for Florida – have all filed termination reports with the FEC.

The fat lady ain’t singing yet, but she is clearing her throat.

It Is A Sad Day At The Beauty Salon

December 29, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The news is not good.

Newt Gingrich seems to have blown a 20 point lead in less than a week.  Michele Bachmann’s campaign manager in Iowa jumps the sinking ship support to Ron Paul.  Rick Perry is lost somewhere in Canada, looking for home.

The circus is running out of clowns and that is sad news.

There’s dotty old Uncle Ron Paul, who ruins everybody’s Thanksgiving dinner by screeching for an hour about “kids today.” I swear to God, if he wins, he’ll sit on the Truman balcony throwing rocks at little children.  His health care plan:  You should have thought about health care before you went and got cancer, young man.

There’s Mitt who wins the title of The Most Uninteresting Man in the World.  Slogan: “I don’t always think on my own, but when I do, I’ll bore the crap outta you.”

Help me, Rick Santorum, you’re our only hope.

That’s sad.  I have to depend on Rick Santorum for jokes.  That’s sad.

I figure Santorum will bottom out by next Thursday and the only one left to keep it going will be Rick Perry because he’s got money and he’s going through it faster than a bullet with legs.  Do you have any idea how much his fund raising  is costing Texas taxpayers?  For every $1,000 he brings in we’ll have to pay $10,000 in non-bid contracts to his donors – for stuff we don’t need.

So, we’re going broke with no entertainment.  That is sad.

Wait! Wait! I Didn’t Get The Annexation Memo!

December 28, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

“Every barrel of oil that comes out of those sands in Canada is a barrel of oil that we don’t have to buy from a foreign source,”

Rick Perry, today.

Next summer’s vacation plans?  The desserts of Canada.

Hell, y’all, up until three months ago, Rick Perry thought there was an Old Hampshire and an East Dakota.

Thanks to Barbara, Stephen, Eddie, and other folks who keep me going for the heads up.