“Well, how ’bout them apples?” Juanita asks while tacking a newspaper clipping to the snack room door.

“It seems that Illinois Republican Tea party Congressspender Joe Walsh, who recently bought a Thesaurus just to find enough nasty words to say about President Barack Obama, can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.  Or make standards for you that he can’t keep,” Juanita grins.

The freshman congressman’s ex-wife, Laura Walsh, filed the claim against him in December as part of their divorce case, saying he owed $117,437 to her and their three children, the Chicago Sun-Times reported in a story published Wednesday. She contends that Walsh loaned his own campaign $35,000 and took international vacations but said he couldn’t afford child support payments because he was between jobs or out of work.

“Now,” she continues, “he whines that he doesn’t own near that much.  Well, that’s certainly a relief.  Maybe it’s just $99,000, which, of course, is certainly acceptable in  financial restraint circles.”

“But it doesn’t not end there.  It seems that everybody picks on poor ole Joe.  Golly, it’s gotta be tough.”

The congressman’s alleged financial problems made headlines while he was campaigning last year, when at least one staffer claimed he would “spend, spend, spend uncontrollably.” His campaign manager quit and sued for $20,000 in nonpayment, and two other staffers who quit accused him of not properly disclosing a 2008 home foreclosure and traffic citations to the public, taking their grievances public. Walsh also bounced checks, including one to a Republican fundraiser.

“Yep, that’s pretty much everybody picking on him,” she laughs.

“Hey, Joe!” she hollers.  “Dial 1-800-waa-waaa.”

“One more thing.  Joe posted a video this month.”

President Obama, quit lying,” he said in a video posted online this month. In it he also asks Obama, “Have you no shame, sir?”

“Because not paying your child support and giving out hot checks is something to be proud of.”

“Ya wanna know the truth?  I’d have more respect for the guy if he had been caught in a bathroom stall tapping his foot.  At least that doesn’t hurt children,” Juanita rolls her eyes.

Thanks to David, Bob, Carl and Mary for the heads up.

I’ll tell you who else doesn’t pay income tax, you bloated sanctimonious fool, Karl Rove’s Political Hate Groups don’t pay taxes.

Political organizations like Karl Rove-affiliated Crossroads Grassroots Political Strategies (GPS) have embraced 501(c)(4) tax status as a way to secretly funnel unlimited contributions from big donors into colossal political-advertising buys — unleashing a flood of secret campaign money the likes of which haven’t been seen since Watergate.

Unlike section 527 of the tax code, which was explicitly created for political advocacy groups, section 501(c)(4) doesn’t require groups to disclose their donors. But that designation was intended for what are known as “social welfare” groups.

Reverend, I have to pay extra taxes so Karl Rove can talk trash about my President.  I have to pay Karl’s share.

So, Rick Warren, you can kiss my big blue butt.

Courtesy Dave Weigel, here’s Texas Congresshothead Louis Gohmert addressing today’s “Hold The Line” tea party rally:

The guy in the blue shirt is security so that leaves the guy in the red shirt and maybe the woman.

Thanks to Robert for the heads up.

Well, I hate to be picking on Michele Bachmann all day, but, damn, she’s just making it too easy.

You know how she fusses about Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac?

Well, we should have seen this coming around the bend.

Just a few weeks before Bachmann called for dismantling the programs during a House Financial Services Committee hearing, she and her husband signed for a $417,000 home loan to help finance their move to a 5,200-square-foot golf-course home, public records show. Experts who examined the loan documents for The Washington Post say that they are confident the loan was backed by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac.

“Honey,” Juanita says, “one again we see the triumph of an uncluttered mind.”

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

Rick Warren, minister to the stars, tweets.  Apparently, while drinking.

My friend Bess doesn’t pay taxes.  She’s 76 years old and lives in a small but comfortable house where she carefully counts her pennies.  She and her husband saved for their retirement but he got sick with cancer and his insurance wouldn’t pay for everything.  It wiped them out.  So, after working all her life and being a productive member of society who paid her taxes, she’s living on her social security and doesn’t pay income taxes.  She does, however, pay property taxes.

My friend Richard at the University of Texas works all summer and part time during the school year to pay his room and board.  He doesn’t pay income taxes.

Bennie and Maria both work two jobs, making just a tad above minimum wage on all 4 jobs.  They have no health insurance for themselves or their two teenage children.  Luckily, they’ve all been well.  They live paycheck to paycheck and pray that the hot water heater doesn’t go out.  They don’t pay income taxes.  They can barely pay for gas to get to work.

You want to know who else doesn’t pay taxes, Reverend Warren?

General Electric doesn’t pay taxes.  Exxon doesn’t pay taxes.  Bank of America doesn’t pay taxes.  Citigroup doesn’t pay income taxes.

And I doubt that Rick Warren pays income taxes.

Here comes the Bible part.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

Luke 18:22

Jesus said to him, If you will be perfect, go and sell that you have, and give to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.

Matthew 19:21

And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need

Acts 2:45

I can give you more scripture, Reverend Warren, but it’s not scripture that you want to hear.  It’s scripture from the teachings of Jesus, a man you’ve apparently never met.

Thanks to Dawn for the heads-up.

Apparently, a helluva lot.

Rep. Michele Bachmann spent nearly $5,000 on hair and makeup in the early weeks of her presidential campaign, according to campaign-finance filings uncovered yesterday by Mother Jones magazine.

The Minnesota Republican and Tea Party favorite made three payments of $1,715, $250, and $2,704 to a Maryland-based hair and makeup artist in the weeks after she launched her presidential run, according to her Federal Election Commission report.

“Darlin’,” starts Juanita.  “You know how we here at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty, Inc., always say that beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone?  Well, proof.”

“You’d think that Jesus glow would be all she needs,” Verdelia comments.  “There’s only one thing that cost $5,000 and goes down the drain at night.  Makeup.  Well, and cocaine.”

Juanita suspects that if it is true that beauty starts from the inside, Michelle Bachmann’s makeup artist had a mess of work to do.

But, seriously, how much does a Bumpit cost?