Archive for May, 2011

Cap’n Pete and the Money Boat

May 31, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Well, well, well, lookie ‘about right here at this. (It’s a pdf).  It does appear that my own personal congressman, Republican Pete Olson, who is a wholly owned subsidiary of Phil Gramm, Inc., has got himself a “leadership PAC.”

Well, if Sarah Palin can have a leadership PAC that pays for her family summer vacation, why can’t Cap’n. Pete?

A leadership PAC is not illegal.  It should be, dammit, but it’s not.  It’s set up far away from the congressvarmint’s home district – note this one is run out of Athens, Georgia, by a dude named Paul Kilgore.  Neither Cap’n Pete nor Paul are terribly creative – they named the PAC, prepare yourself, “Freedom Matters.”

Really?  It does?  Heck, alert the media!

So, if you’re against Cap’n. Pete raising money from the corporate criminal UBS – where his mentor Phil Gramm gnawed on greed until it screamed for mercy – and hiding that money from the folks back home, then you don’t think freedom matters, which of course makes you a bad person and Pete a good one because Pete cares about freedom.  Even if it is the freedom to feast on corporate kickbacks.

Now if he had named it Honesty Matters, then we could file a slander suit in honesty’s behalf.

Y’all, if Cap’n Pete comes driving into Texas in a big ole bus painted with Freedom Matters on the side, I swear by all that is holy in my life that I will climb on top and take a leak.  You cannot arrest an old woman in Texas for having a urinary accident on top of a bus.  It’s the law.  I checked.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.

Ron Reynolds – Simply the Best

May 31, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


My new State Representative, Ron Reynolds, was awarded Outstanding Freshman by his fellow state representatives last night at the end of the session.

You can go here, scroll to the bottom and leave a comment for him.  No matter where you live, you can show appreciation to a hard working Democrat who is willing to stand up and fight.  He’s earned it.

He had one hour of celebration and now he’s back at work for the special session, where Texas Republicans fully intend to show America what jerks they truly are.

Uh Oh

May 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


The Monster That Wouldn’t Sine Die

Coming soon to a State Capitol near me.

(The special session starts tomorrow morning.   If you have a prayer list, put Texas on it.)

If I Say It’s Christmas, You Better Go Buy Some Little Twinklin’ Lights

May 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


When I told you guys about the late night kook talk radio and Dan Patrick and the TSA being part of the New World Order and everything, you thought I was just making that stuff up.

I was not.

Alex Jones: Lost and Mad

Sure ’nuff, the kook radio crowd and their leader Alex Jones showed up at the Texas State Capitol, promptly got lost, claimed we were siding with King George III, most of our representatives are closet homosexuals, and then they marched around warning that 9-11 was an inside job.  Well, maybe so, but I don’t think Texas had much to do with it.  We’re usually drunk, fixing to get drunk or barbequing, so we really don’t have time for that stuff.  Plus, most of us didn’t even know King George III, unless you’re talking about the King George Somethingorother who was the drunk wrestler.

Anyway, Senator Dan Patrick, who appears to be these folks’ hero, says he doesn’t know Alex Jones, the radio talk show host who organized the Go Get Lost At The Texas Capitol And Then Holler Some event.

When asked about the demonstration, Sen. Dan Patrick said that he was pleased that Texans had turned out to protest the failure of his anti-pat down legislation, but said that Jones was in no way affiliated with him.

“I don’t know who Alex Jones is… No idea,” Patrick said.

Oh, yeah?

Lookie here.

So, Dan, who was the guy claiming to be you, sounding exactly like you, on the Alex Jones radio show talking crazy stuff?  Sounds to me like Alex Jones is your Kemosabe, Tonto.

When you lay down with dogs, Dan, you get up with fleas.  Start scratching, Buddy.

“I don’t know who Alex Jones is… No idea,” Patrick said.  Is that gonna be your Senate slogan?

Sarah Palin’s Vacation

May 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


From the New York Times

Ms. Palin, the former governor of Alaska, has made it quite clear that she just wants to be left alone. She doesn’t want to accommodate members of the news media (except, perhaps, Fox.) And she is purposely avoiding any of the overtly political things that most politicians do, like meeting with local politicians.

I dunno.  Maybe it’s just me.  But, when I go on a family vacation and want to be left alone, I don’t drive this —

But that’s probably just me.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe

May 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


The Texas Legislature was so heavy on Republicans this session that they could simply have their way with the State and do whatever they wanted.  Where do you let a two ton elephant sit?  Anywhere he wants to.

Apparently, what they wanted was to prove that Republicans are the largest bunch of grandstanding self-loathing spite filled Jeeeesus swearing hypocrites oozing out  of the third level of hell.

Outside of hating women, immigrants, people who don’t think guns are the coolest thing ever, schoolchildren, the maim, the sick, the elderly, propaganda that does not involve at least one nakkid ta-ta, teachers, state universities, an actual state budget, and a large assortment of consumer protections, they pretty much didn’t accomplish much at all.

Oh yeah, except for keeping texting while driving and smoking in restaurants safe.  That’s because State Senator Glenn Hegar thinks he can text and drive when everybody knows he can’t even think and talk at the same time.  And State Senator Joan Huffman loves her some smoking in all the honky tonks her husband owns.  Joan Huffman is a complete waste of estrogen.

To their credit, they pretty much overlooked gays this session.  My guess is that this was on purpose because Rick Perry wants to run for President and, well, you know the rumors.  I think they assigned one state rep to go to crazy ole Leo Berman’s office every morning to say, “Not the gays, Leo, the illegal immigrants.  That’s who’s causing all the problems.  Not gays, immigrants.  Go sic ‘um, Leo.”  Crazy Ole Leo spent the majority of the session with little spittle things forming at the edges of his mouth about those goldurn Mexicans.”

Texas education had as much chance as a steer in a packing plant this session.  The major Republican accomplishment this session was to try to find a place lower than last for Texas education.  They fearlessly went spelunking to do it.

They made a mess of state redistricting and didn’t even touch Congressional redistricting.  But, in all fairness, what’s a little thing like a state budget and redistricting when you’ve got to pass a bill giving tax breaks for yachts over $250,000?

What they did accomplish was summed up by my State Rep, Ron Reynolds —

The Legislative Budget Board, an independent non-partisan arm of the State, predicts that the proposed House budget would result in a projected job loss of 335,000 Texas jobs, including nearly 90,000 teacher jobs, and would result in 50,000 – 60,000 elderly citizens being kicked out of nursing homes. The practical reality of the House’s $8 billion cut to public education is a reduction of approximately $800 in per pupil funding, which equates to roughly a $20,000 cut to each public school classroom.

Ho boy, that is sweet music to a Republican’s ears!  They are strutting like a dog with two tails.

The Lege is almost certainly going into special session, which is like a doubleheader for political watchers.  It’s two games for the price of one.  Well, except the taxpayers of Texas will pay for the second session all because Republicans, as P J O’Rourke says, don’t believe government works and then get elected to prove it.

Governor Rick Perry will come to the Capitol to call a special session, and then go back to his $10,000 a month taxpayer funded Casa Grande and smoke some cigars.  He’ll offer no help whatsoever.  I suspect I should not complain about that.