Archive for March, 2011

Too Funny Not To Share

March 31, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Click the little one to get the big one.

Please Keep This Quiet

March 31, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Juanita has often said that the most easily corruptible job in government is a county commissioner.  They alone decide how every dime of taxpayer money is spent.  Even other elected officials have to beg them for money to run their offices.  It’s the perfect job for a con man.

Like Harris County Commissioner Jerry Eversole.

“Please, please, please,” Juanita pleads this morning, “do not let this man get off.   He took $100,000 in cash, gifts, and travel from a real estate developer who wanted things done with taxpayer money.  Eversole claims it was merely gifts from a friend.”

“If Jerry Eversole gets off, Fort Bend County Commissioner Andy Meyers will never open his own wallet again for the rest of his life.”

Ten to two hung jury.  Amazing.

Local Republicans

March 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


The Chief Deputy at the Fort Bend County Sheriff’s Office, Craig Brady, announced he was running for sheriff the day after the old sheriff was reelected to office.  And by “old sheriff,” I mean so old that we have to carbon date him once a year to figure out how many candles to put on his birthday cake.

Everybody figured that Brady would spend the next year sneaking up behind the old sheriff and hollering “Snake!” at the top of his lungs every chance he got.  The old sheriff is short just one jelly donut or terrific scare of scripture readings and a planting.

The old sheriff played it pretty smart and decided to draw a county paycheck even though he’s mapped out a plan to spend sunny days at the golf course and rainy days forcing folks at the nursing home to listen to him play the accordion.  Badly.  I know that ‘accordion music’ is an oxymoron, and the sheriff does it so badly that the only listeners smiling are those who purposefully left their hearing aids in their rooms.

Anyway, and getting back to my story, the Chief Deputy Craig Brady has been left to run the sheriff’s office.  But, he’s spending all his time running for office.   We have no idea who’s running the sheriff’s office, but whoever it is ain’t an adult, which is a whole ‘nother story.

I’ve written about Craig Brady’s campaign tactics before, noting that he ain’t real pretty so how come all the pictures?

Oh Honey, I had no idea how goofy it was going to get.  I thought ‘d seen everything, but obviously I did not know about these boots.  This is Brady’s political ad in the local paper.

Oh my, you gotta be a damn prissy man to show off boots like those!

I think I forgot to tell you the part that Brady is so short that you can see his feet on his driver’s license photo.  So, I imagine he’s plenty proud of those boots.  Without them, his feet wouldn’t reach the ground.

I am going to get back to my story now.

Occasionally, police agencies get to keep drug money confiscated from crooks.  They are supposed to use that money to buy law enforcement stuff they couldn’t otherwise afford, like ammo or bullet proof vests, or crime scene equipment.  The money does not belong to the agencies who confiscated it.  It belongs to the taxpayers, you know, the people who paid for the entire process and have suffered as victims of the crime.

So, that’s why folks around here have been wondering how the Chief Deputy ended up the star of a $25,000 expenditure from those funds.

Lookie here.  Click the little one to get the big one.

Well, boy howdy, he sure is shoving the old sheriff up into the corner where he’s not important.  And there’s Craig Brady wearing his campaign clothes.  Got that knee all hiked up like a dancehall girl.  Got that boot propped up there just like …. whoa, wait a danged minute here.  That’s his campaign picture!

That’s the same danged picture he’s using to campaign.  And it’s also the same picture on his billboard, only cropped.

Now, I might not have such a big problem if he’d have used his official Chief Deputy photo instead of his campaign photo.  Here’s his picture from the county website.

Here’s the question:  If this program is worthwhile, why should the Chief Deputy plaster his campaign photo all over it to get it bought and sent around to folks?

I’m pretty sure this is legal, but it ain’t right.

Plus, the old sheriff is so old that he shouldn’t even buy green bananas.  Hell, he owes Adam a dollar and half.  But, for decency’s sake, don’t bury the man before he’s dead.  Let him put his picture on it.  It’s just good manners.

Here’s what Mean Ole Bev had to say this week in her newspaper.

Now, later on when I catch my breath, I’m gonna have more to say about the sheriff’s department wanting  HOA’s to pay for patrols in their subdivisions.

And yes, of course, he’s a Republican.

Ever Notice How Santorum Is Real Close To Sanatorium?

March 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Rick Santorum is saying that abortion is killing social security.

All you people out there doing the wild thing without it resulting in a baby are killing grandma.  I hope you’re proud of yourselves.

But in Republican Dollars ….

March 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Wisconsin Congresscritter Sean Duffy made a giant ole fool of himself on the You Tube.  While saying that  he supports cutting compensation for all public employees, like Scott Walker  has proposed, Duffy says he’s just barely keeping the wolves at bay on his $174,000 congressional salary.

I can guarantee you, or most of you, I guarantee that I have more debt than all of you. With 6 kids, I still pay off my student loans. I still pay my mortgage. I drive a used minivan. If you think I’m living high on the hog, I’ve got one paycheck. So I struggle to meet my bills right now. Would it be easier for me if I get more paychecks? Maybe, but at this point I’m not living high on the hog.

“Now I know you people think that’s ridiculous that he needs $174,000 to live on while the median household income in his district is $50,520,” Juanita grins.  “And that he’s for cutting everyone else’s governmental salary except his own.”

Sean Duffy

“It’s not ridiculous.  $174,000 isn’t that much money.  For goodness sake in Republican dollars, that’s like $25,000,” she explains the mathematics.

“So, in Republican dollars, Poor Ole Sean hardly has a pot to pee in.  I think the Republican dollar exchange rate is running 7 to 1 right now.”


By the way, Guys, Duffy is the former star of MTV’s Real World where he danced in his bloomers on a pool table.  Maybe he could make more money doing that on the weekends.

Others are just catching wind of the tree-climbing 38-year-old’s night-clubbing, woman-chasing antics on the 1997 Boston season of “The Real World.” There’s a video of Duffy on YouTube dancing on a pool table in boxer shorts while drinking beer.

(Thanks to Deb for the heads-up.)

Well, Duh

March 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


You know how Juanita is always talking about East Texas and how their Super DeLux Brand Christian congressvarmints and State Capitol Inmates are so danged nuts that squirrels chase them around?

Well, results are out today about the health of Texans.  By county.  Guess who is the least healthy?  “All of damn East Texas,” Juanita reports.

“So, I guess for all praying they do out there, either they’re forgetting the good health part or maybe, just maybe, they need some of that there — now what do they call it? — Oh yeah, Obamacare.”

Just for fun, you can check the numbers for your own county anywhere in America by clicking right here.