Archive for January, 2011

Friday Toon Double Treat

January 28, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Here’s Why I Didn’t Want Tom DeLay to Go to Jail

January 27, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


It’s Texas.  We do not separate violent and non-violent prisoners.

Texas Needs You

January 27, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Dudes, Texas needs you and a picture of you in particular.

Democrat Judith Zaffirini had some fun with the State Senators from Paranoia yesterday while they were discussing the Voter ID bill.

Sen. Zaffirini produced a large-sized version of a man’s Texas driver’s license, with the personal info blocked out. She told her fellow senators this was a current license belonging to someone on the Senate floor and invited everyone to “guess who”. There were no guesses, so Sen. Zaffirini revealed the license belonged to her chief of staff, known to all the senators and seated right next to her.

The Texas Democratic Party joined in the fun by pointing out that Republican Aaron Pena doesn’t look like his driver’s license photo either.  Plus, in Texas you can go for a decade or more without having to have your photo re-taken.

So, the Texas Democratic Party is asking for help.

Do you look almost nothing like your current Texas driver’s license photo? Email us two digital photos: one of your license and one of you. We will submit the entries as public testimony against SB 14 when the House hears the bill, and we might post your entries on this blog, too. If you’re up for it, email those photos to with the subject “Voter ID Photos”. We will crop out just the driver’s license photo so your name and personal information is hidden – or you can do that before sending to us.

Y’all, you gotta help.  You just gotta.

I heard about a guy who was so short that you could see his feet on his driver’s license.  If you got one of those, let me know about it.

The voter ID bill is a done deal, but we should never pass up the chance to let the GOP claim the low ground.

Darn! The Missing Nixon Tapes Blown Up in Dallas

January 27, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


“Okay,” Juanita grins this morning over coffee and her newspaper, “here’s the news story of the day brought to you by the letters W, T, and F.”

“Texas Senator John Cornyn’s Dallas office gets what they deem a “suspicious package” and call the police.  The entire building is emptied and the bomb squad shows up,” she reports.

“Apparently,” she refers to the story, “it was a 14 inch long brown box, with an envelope and a return address on the front.  That alone is very suspicious because most of John Cornyn’s friends just send cash with a rubber band wrapped around it.”

“But,” she continues, “here’s the suspicious part.”

The box had a business-size envelope on the front and contained “miscellaneous cassette tapes and film,” [Deputy Police Chief Mark] Young said. He did not know what was on the tapes, but said the bomb-disposal crew deemed them no threat.

“I don’t know why they thought it was suspicious,” Young said.

The box and its contents were taken to a nearby vacant lot and blown up as a precaution, he said.

No arrests have been made, but Young said the envelope on the front of the box contained a return address and an investigation was ongoing.

“No threat but they blew it up anyway?”

“Honey, that is the suspicious part,” she says.  “Film and cassette tapes?  Was the return address Julian Assange?  That’s kinda odd, don’t ya think?”

“Nah,” replied Thelma.  “This is Texas.  We just love destroying things.  Nothing suspicious about that.”

Yea! We’re Number Last!

January 26, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


And, dammit, we’re proud of it!

Texas ranks 50th among states in providing health care coverage and mental health services to children.

“And, Honey, we are not about to give up the crown.  You know the old saying that when you’re in a hole, quit digging.  Not in Texas, no siree, we’ve brought in a backhoe to see if there’s something beneath last,” Juanita says.

A news release announcing the study’s findings noted that the preliminary budget put forth last week by lawmakers in Austin eliminates nearly $1 out of every $4 the state needs to maintain services and schools at current levels.

“Hey,” she reasons, “if you’re gonna be last, you might as well go for broke because you ain’t got nothing to lose.  Texas Republicans are up to their eyeballs in callous.  As sure as grass will grow in a crack, Texas children will get the short end of the stick once again.  They are just one squealing penny away from repealing child labor laws.”

Truman is Ready (UPDATED)

January 25, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Verdelia made Truman a safety hat to watch Michelle Bachman’s speech tonight:


I know a whole lot of people, including people I respect, think that CNN should not have broadcast Bachmann’s speech.

Juanita disagrees.

“I could have listened to it forty-leven dozen times,” she admits.  “It was a train wreck of monumental proportions.  Michelle, who I call Our Lady of Perpetual Insanity, gave her speech from a room at the nutcracker suite.  Honey, she made Bobby Jindal look like Cicero.”

“I kept looking over my left shoulder to see who she was talking to,” Juanita admits.  “She never would look at the camera, which is strange because that’s all she looks at when giving speeches on the House floor.”

“She’s making up history again.  It’s apparent that she just looks at the pictures in history books and makes up her own story to go behind them.  Not only does she not know anything, Honey, she don’t even suspect much.”

“By the way, Paul Ryan also gave a speech.  It wasn’t as good as Bachmann’s.”