Emergency! Alert the Media!
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Looks like Texas has decided that anything that will help Rick Perry’s Presidential run is a damn emergency.
Today, Gov. Rick Perry added two more issues, including controversial voter ID legislation, to his list of “emergency items” that legislators can begin deliberating on right away instead of waiting until after the first 60 days of the session.
He also wants legislators to get cracking on legislation encouraging an amendment to the U.S. Constitution requiring the federal budget be balanced. Already on the “emergency items” list are reforming eminent domain laws and abolishing sanctuary cities.
“Okay,” Juanita shouts, “let haul some butt and get to work on a resolution to require the federal budget to be balanced so nobody west of the Sabine River has to fret over the fact that we’re $27 billion short here in Texas.”
“And even though they can’t show us anybody who has voted illegally, it’s more important than the fact that we most certainly can show you some illiterate schoolchildren,” she stomps.
Juanita has been pondering some more “emergency” legislation we need in Texas to avoid solving real problems. Rick Perry should feel free to use this list.
1. Fire ant emergency. Pass a strongly worded resolution that fire ants are just a damn nuisance.
2. Insert your own emergency Perry hairdo joke here.
3. You know that feeling when you lean back in your chair and you know you’re gonna fall? We gotta do something about that.
4. Fund a grant to see if the light really goes off in your refrigerator when you shut the door. I gotta know for sure. It’s an emergency.
5. Emergency Jesus Gun Bill. I dunno what it’s about but it’ll get a lot of Republican attention if it says Jesus and gun. If you want sirens to go off with it, add feminist to the title. Want full-fledged fireworks? Gambling Gay Feminist Jesus Gun Bill.
6. Oh my God! Oh My God! Somebody spoke above a whisper in the Alamo. Load the cannons!
7. HB 132: The Crisis of No Official State Beauty Salon Bill.
8. Putting leather fringe on the endangered species list. Not just a good idea: A crisis averted.
9. The urgent situation of “Hellfire, Bubba, there’s a black man in the White House. If that don’t beat all.”
10. Crucial legislation needed to see if daylight savings time really saves.
Texas, I love yew.
The NO. 1 priority should be a bill requiring hair spray to be non-flammable. Imagine if Icky Ricky’s hair caught on fire!
1I think we need an emergency bill to put fenders on those scooters that obese people ride around in at Walmart so when they run you down in the aisle at least you’ll be knocked to the side instead of under the wheels.
2Yeah, that whole scooter in WalMart thing is most certainly an emergency. Thelma needs to go to WalMart tomorrow.
3The scooter in WalMart thing is good and is an emergency. If they can’t do that, then only allow scooters in stores during a particular time, say 1AM to 5AM on Tuesdays. The other day at the HEB there were about 3 in every darn aisle, every rider was younger than me and at least three times as big. I left my half full basket in the aisle and went home before I got hurt.
42. Eliminate the ban on HFCs (hydrochloral floural carbons) as spray propellents. Cheaper hairspray alternatives alone will put the Texas budget in balance.
5ahahahahahahaaaaa!! “Putting leather fringe on the endangered species list. Not just a good idea: A crisis averted.” Was that coyote that Rick Perry shot wearing fringe or did it become fringe, because Perry knows all about being on the fringe.
6I love the I love Texas logo. Would mind if I steal it for the Galveston County Democrats club website?
Thanks!
7As long as you keep Chairman Lloyd Criss in line. Or at least try.
8I also stole Texas logo, it will look good w/
9clown face pix. Hoping his karma catches
up w/ him soon.
Thanks