Archive for December, 2010

Happy New Year’s Eve Toon

December 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Do They Have a Nobel Prize in Figuring-Things-Out?

December 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


“I would say ‘Alert the media!’ but apparently someone already has,” Juanita grins at me as I walk into the shop and head straight to the coffee pot.  She points at an article posted on the bulletin board beside the coffee pot and next to the pink and gold sign that says “Juanita’s:  almost heaven.”  I read …..

A study at University College London in the UK has found that conservatives’ brains have larger amygdalas than the brains of liberals. Amygdalas are responsible for fear and other “primitive” emotions. At the same time, conservatives’ brains were also found to have a smaller anterior cingulate — the part of the brain responsible for courage and optimism.

I told Juanita than she was right – somebody already alerted Fox news to this information.

And I would just like to say that I’m sorry that Juanita got this information.  Now she’s gonna make a habit of running up behind Republicans and hollerin’ “BOO!” real loud, every chance she gets.

Just In Case You Missed It

December 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


I’m a giant fan of Steve’s at Whites Creek Journal.  He started a new blog called View From My Kitchen Table.  I love it.

Today, he wrote something about Tennessee politics, but it’s a doozy for any Democrats any place.

Democrats have a muddled message right now that is essentially Republican Lite with their main slogan being “We don’t suck as bad as those other guys”. Frankly, I think the conservative Democrat’s time has passed. We saw Lincoln Davis, as conservative a Dem as ever existed, get slammed by an incapable incompetent nobody. There was no message there other than that guy is a creep. Where did that get Lincoln? Why should anyone vote for a conservative Democrat when they can have a real foam at the mouth ideological maggot?

And this is before he really gets wound-up.

Steve, because he makes good sense.  Do yourself a favor and go get riled-up at Steve’s.

Giving the Fox a Map to the Henhouse

December 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Here’s the deal:  incumbent Democrat Donna Howard of Austin won her lege seat by 12 votes.  Her challenger, Dan Neil, is dead but he won’t lay down.  He’s rattling around all over Texas claiming loud enough to embarrass thunder that he sees illegal people, ballots were discounted, some ballots were lost, and 1,900 ineligible people voted.

Dan Neil, Loser

“I have no idea where he got that number but it appears that 1,900 somethings are missing from his beehind,” Juanita reports.

“So, in that way that Texas Republicans seem to love, fair and balanced just hopped a train to Mexico.  Republican Speaker Joe Straus appointed Republican Rep. Will Hartnett of Dallas to supervise an investigation of the election,” she continues.  “Harnett’s decision will be final.”

“Donna Howard represents Austin, fergoshsake.  If a Republican represents Austin, the Brazos River will run backwards and Blue Bell ice cream will taste like crap.  It’s the law.  Look it up.”

You Know That Whole Thing Where Juanita Didn’t Want to See Tom DeLay Go To Jail Because He’s Short, Puggy, and Shook His Butt on TeeVee So He Wouldn’t Last a Week in Prison and She Felt Bad About That?

December 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Well, not so much anymore.

Juanita went to eat at a local steakhouse where the cheapest thing on the menu is $29 and that doesn’t include a salad or any vegetables.  Admittedly, the food is wonderful, but your dinner is gonna cost $70 even without wine or dessert.

Upon entering the establishment, you see humidors locked behind glass, where fancy pants customers can keep their own private collection of cigars.  They even have inscribed nameplates on the humidors.

It’s a bad picture taken quickly – so as not to get caught – with my camera phone, but you can make it out.

It says that Tom Delay has his own private selection of cigars at a restaurant that costs more money to eat damn dinner than most people make in a day.   Juanita gets to go there maybe once a year, if she’s lucky, but Tom goes so often that he has them keep his after-dinner cigars there.

“Here’s the deal,” Juanita ponders, “since 1984 he’s been a congressman.  His business went bankrupt shortly thereafter.  He has no family money, his wife has never worked, and yet he can afford a fancy pants house in Sweetwater and his own cigar humidor at a restaurant that costs as much as landing on Boardwalk.  How can that be?”

“Look, he’s throwing little children out on the street from his foster care facility built on political donations, but he can have his own humidor?  There’s something real wrong about this deal,” she thinks.

“So, maybe giving up the humidor with the gold nameplate could be a condition of probation?”

I’m certain that would be a punishment to severe enough to deter other congressmen from laundering money.  Right?

Day-um, Girl

December 28, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


This is not political but I didn’t want you folks from foreign states to ever make the mistake of messin’ with a Texas woman.

Juanita says she’s been mad enough to eat bees, but she’s never had a fit and then fell in it like this little filly did.

In an altercation that put us in mind of Jerome Ponette, it all started with a squabble between two strippers over something one of them likely believed the other had stolen.

Before it was all over, two men would be writhing in pain in the parking lot of a Southwest Houston strip club. They would allegedly be put there by 24-year-old Crystina Becerra, one of the two dancers in the spat over the missing item.

“Damn, I once had a woman take my man and I didn’t try to kill people,” Juanita ponders, “so I’m wondering what the heck tarnation the other stripper had stolen.  I’m betting it wasn’t an encyclopedia.”