Archive for September, 2010

Honky Tonks Where You Can Find Me

September 27, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Juanita has aksed that I let you know she’s hanging out in some new Honky Tonks lately and you might want to join her before closing time.

The Mudflats is always on top of stories and the comments are grand.  Bookmark it.  But, save your comments for here.  God knows I need them.

I just now realized that I didn’t have a link to Mean Rachel over on the list, so it’s been cheerfully added.  Rachel is meaner than ten acres of snakes.  I flat love her.

Cornyn’s Butt is Smoldering

September 27, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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John Cornyn’s pants are on fire – again.

His latest dance with fiction is that Democrats want to add an abortion on demand section to the defense appropriations bill.

“Not only is that a lie.  It’s a damn lie with a stink on top,” Juanita shakes her head in disgust.

“The new bill allows abortions for military women overseas if it is paid out of pocket,” Juanita explains.  “No doctor would be required to perform an abortion nor would these women be exempt from Roe vs. Wade.  John Cornyn wants military women serving overseas to get backroom abortions in some third world country because John Cornyn thinks everything would be better if women just stayed in the kitchen.”

“John Cornyn – it’s a half mile to hell wherever he’s standing.”

Sam the Poet

September 26, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Sam from Pearland wrote some lyrics for Bitching Betty and the Sequined Backhoes.  Everybody sing along —

I’m a little Tea Potty

Short on Clout.

Here is my anger.

Here is my pout.

When I get all steamed up

Bile comes out.

Disagree with me

and hear me shout.

Play it again, Sam.

Another Heads-Up

September 25, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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Juanita sleeps with one eye open and the other on alert, so this caught her attention.

On September 2, an independent expenditure-only group calling itself the First Amendment Alliance was formed.   You can lookie right here at the PDF and see that they have the intention of “raising funds in unlimited amounts.”

What got Juanita’s attention was the PO Box in Alexandria.  That’s like waving a red flag since we found out about Americans for Job Security and the scam it runs.

So, come to find out, the First Amendment Alliance has now made their first expenditures.  They’ve already spent $41,000 and $35,000 went to a political joint in League City, Texas, which is too close for Juanita to ignore.

So, she nosed around a bit with the help of Alfredo over at Bob’s Auto Transmission and Taco Hut.  Alfredo is a great private investigator.  Right off the bat, he discovered that the First Amendment Alliance is one of those freaky websites with nobody’s name associated with it.  I mean, nobody.  That raises the suspicion level high enough to see the lights of Dallas.

So, they kept digging.  Turns out that the First Amendment Alliance is run by one guy – Mr. Anthony Holm.  For you folks from foreign states, Anthony Holms is a former “special projects” director for Texas Governor Rick Perry. He even has his own rather odd website.

“Uh, that is the nicest way I’ve ever heard dirty tricks explained – special projects.  That’s real cute,” Juanita grins.

“So, Alfredo and I kept digging and discovered that the First Amendment Alliance was formed back in 2007 as a 527, and guess who threw money at Mr. Holms back then?  Bob Perry.  Swiftboat Bob, the Dirty Tricks King of American Politics.”

“I’m just saying that we all better be prepared for some horrendous dirty tricks against Bill White,” Juanita warns.

“They’ve laid the groundwork, hired the tricksters and convinced Bob Perry that he and Doyleen need to spend their retirement money leaving a legacy of slug slime across the political landscape.”

“Goodness, I do not envy the preacher who is going to have to come up with something nice to say about Bob Perry at his planting,” Juanita admits.

“We’ll keep on eye on this sucker and see where it goes,” she promises.

If I Say It’s Christmas, You Better Buy Some Little Twinkling Lights

September 24, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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I told you about it in July.

So I got the newspaper wrong.  So sue me.

If you wanna know what’s happening months before the crowd does, hang with the kewl kids.

Insiders on Capitol Hill are buzzing about an upcoming New York Times exposé that will detail an alleged Boehner affair. Sources say the Times is looking for the right time to drop the story in October to sway the election,…..

Board of Education

September 24, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

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The Texas Board of Education is in the news again today.  Juanita is tickled that they’ve found something awful – just awful – happening in textbooks.  They are sending out a “warning” to textbook publishers that might have something nice to say about non-white people of the world.

According to board member Ken Mercer, many world history books are rife with such “Muslim propaganda.”

“One of the books I reviewed has 120 lines referencing Christian beliefs, but has 248 lines referencing Muslim beliefs,” Mercer told WOAI News Radio.

“Okay,” Juanita smiles.  “Get a living image of Ole Ken sitting around counting lines of text.  Oh well, I suspect he had to find something to do with his time now that Christine O’Donnell took away his favorite pastime.”

“And Mexicans invading our borders has apparently taken a second seat to the new invasion that the radicals on our school board have found,” she continues in that voice that says Oh Crap, Something Nuts is Coming.

A draft of the resolution obtained by the Dallas Morning News reads, in part, that “diverse reviewers have repeatedly documented gross pro-Islamic, anti-Christian distortions in social studies texts,” including “sanitized definitions of ‘jihad’ that exclude religious intolerance or military aggression against non-Muslims … which undergirds worldwide Muslim terrorism.”

This is in part due, the resolution argues, to “Middle-Easterners” infiltrating the textbook market.

“Oh Dear God, you mean we let actual Middle-Easterners read?  That’s just unacceptable,” she smiles.  “What will they be invading next?  Our hairdressing market?  Barbeque?  I say draw a line in the sand.  Stop them from acting …. oh, dunno, American.”

“I personally would like the thank the Texas Board of Education for diddle squat,” she says.