Archive for September, 2010

A Female Doofus Would Be Doofette?

September 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


“Okay, so Linda McMahon is a millionaire.  She’s running for senate in Connecticut.  Republican,” Juanita sets the stage.

“Today, she announces that we probably need to revisit the minimum wage,” Juanita rolls her eyes and and nods, which is something most people can’t do at the same time.

“We’ve got minimum wages in the states, we’ve got the minimum wages in the government and I think we ought to look at all of those issues in terms of what mandates are being placed on businesses and can they afford them,” said McMahon, when asked by a reporter if the current minimum wage rate should scaled back to help employers.

When asked if she knew the current rate, McMahon, the former CEO of Stamford-based World Wrestling Entertainment, said she did not remember and would have to double-check. Connecticut’s minimum wage is $8.25 an hour, while the federal wage is $7.25 an hour. When pressed about her opinion of the state’s rate, McMahon said she would not comment further on it.

“Okay, so she has no idea what her housekeeper makes and probably thinks it’s about $3.00 an hour, which is way too much to be paying a human being who’s not … well, a senate candidate an d a millionaire.

“Not only does she not know nothing, she doesn’t even suspect much,” Juanita advises.

“She used to be head of the World Wrestling Federation.  They slammed that bimbo’s head on the mat a few too many times.”

“Hell, let’s just bring back slavery and make ALL the damn Republicans happy.”

Sneeze, Hon, Because You Brain is Dusty

September 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


We pointed out to Juanita this morning that there’s a doofus out there she hasn’t picked on yet – Joe Miller.

“He’s a real special kind of stupid,” Juanita replied.

“I don’t Twitter,” Juanita says.  “I cannot possibly imagine that anyone in the world would want to hear from me 15 times a day.  Plus, I can’t talk in 140 characters, or whatever limit they put on you.”

“However, Joe Miller does Twitter.  Apparently, drunk.”

“He’s getting his name put on the office door before anybody gives him a key.”

So confident is Miller that he’ll win Lisa Murkowski’s Alaska Senate seat in November, he boasted last night to his over 4,000 Twitter followers that, on his trip to DC this week, he might do some house hunting. And perhaps buy some furniture. And also commission a name plaque for the door of his future Senate office.

“There’s ego, there’s cocky, there’s hubris, and Joe Miller is whatever comes after that.”


September 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Seriously, Dude, this is the best picture you have of yourself?

You don’t have a picture where you DON’T look like Satan?

Hurry fast – put a hip-hop in your getalong – and fire your campaign manager like …. I dunno, yesterday.  She don’t like you.  At.  All.








La Te Da

September 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Hal wrote about it a week ago, but it’s still making the rounds.   Click the little to get the big one.

Juanita comments, “Texas Governor Rick Perry, who is not, absolutely not, totally not, repeat NOT gay, spent $78.26 at a Key West, Florida, popular gay club with drag entertainment.  As you know, I take all my fashion advice from RuPaul so I guess I was a little stunned to learn that Rick and I have that in common.”

And for your perusal, here is a PDF of the letter sent to Perry’s campaign manager.   And, here is Club LaTeDa’s lineup for this month’s entertainment.

Rick Perry is so not gay.

Exactly Whose Land Are You Taking, Louie?

September 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Louis Gohmert, congressgoof from Texas, has a plan to get people off welfare —

We have people on welfare and I know there’s some that just don’t wanna work, but there’s some that do. How ’bout if instead of the welfare, we give ‘em an alternative. We’ll give you so many acres that can provide land where you can live off of it, make a living and we’ll give you seed money to start, but you have to sign an agreement that you’ll never accept welfare again. How ’bout that? We got plenty of land.

You can see Crazy Louie deliver this plan for American’s unemployed right here.

“Bless Louie’s heart, we have to water him twice a week or he wilts,” Juanita once explained to a visitor from a foreign state.

I wonder if by “seed money,” he means money for actual seeds, or if it would include a mule and a tent or something.

“Hey Louie,” Juanita hollers real loud, “I want that acre behind your fancy Nacogdoches swakienda.   Me and Thelma are moving in her doublewide next week.  We’ll stock your swimming pool and rip up them begonias for some cotton and corn.  We’ll feel right at home in East Texas, and I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if we opened up an adult book store on your part of the property to help with the cost of plumbing.”

He’s Got a Crick in His Neck From Looking Over His Shoulder

September 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


The polls are showing that Bill White is closing in on Rick Perry.  Perry most certainly is going to have  a belly full of bedsprings in the coming weeks watching White move on up on the outside.

Perry is still refusing the debate, pleading instead that he’s kinda dumb and plenty scared.  It’s been said that he’s so chicken that he molts twice a year.

So, they’re having the debate without him.  His empty space will stand out like a possum at a dog show.

Perry will not even interview at newspaper editorial boards because stoopid is stoopid, even in print.

Juanita says, “Ole Rick will be sitting at the $10,000 a month rental we pay for, eating fancy, smoking big cigars, and threatening to secede unless he gets a nicer quality of wine at dinner.  He’s a pig.  He’s just a pig.”

She’s a tad peeved that the Governor of the State of Texas has loco camped out in his brain.

“Y’all, get that damn fool out of there before he does some real damage,” she begs.