Rules of Thumb
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These giant billboards have been sprouting up all over the county. Click the little one to get the big one. Sorry the sun was reflecting off it. I’ll try to get a better picture.
Now, Juanita never claimed to be no big time, highly paid political consultant expert. In fact, she would prefer to be called a whole lot of tacky things before she’s called that. Freeloading Yankee Terrorist Narcotrafficking Bad Dresser is a step up from political consultant.
However, it does seem to her that a few basic principles might apply to political sign making.
1. I know they say that politics is show business for ugly people, but for goodness sake: if you’re kinda goofy looking, do not put your picture on a political sign. And, if you’re 5 foot 4 inches tall , making yourself larger than lifesize on your signs might make passer-bys think, “Yeah, in your dreams, Little Buddy.”
2. Do not put up political signs that take longer to read than War and Peace. This sucker is on a road where the speed limit is 65. By the time I read this thingy, I’d be about 60 yards downfield with a very puzzled look on my face. In fact, I made an illegal U-Turn three times just to read it all. So, arrest me.
3. Red and yellow, kill a fellow? Just saying. I mean, do you really want people thinking of snakes when they see your sign?
4. Do not put up expensive, and nevertheless tacky, political signs for an election you’re not running in. This election is not even on the ballot until 2012. Asking your political consultant if this is a good idea is like asking a barber if you need a haircut.
I can almost promise you that people will be confused when they don’t see your name on the 2010 election ballot, and they’ll forget your strategy by 2012 and just assume you’re back campaigning as a non-incumbent because you lost two years before.
5. Did I mention if you’re goofy looking….. ?
6. Okay, when you run in 2012, all demographic experts have predicted that this county will most certainly be minority-majority and Democratic. Plus, Barack Obama will be on the ballot, turning out the minority vote. You’re a Republican. Quit wasting money.
Republicans on the ballot this election are not real pleased about you going out and raising money for two years from now that they need this election. There’s a word for it: rude.
7. Think real hard and recall how Milton Wright’s endorsement was the kiss of death in the GOP primary. Ain’t diddle squat that’s changed about that.
I am dead solid certain that there’s more thing wrong with those signs, but I’ll have to drive by them a time or two more to see it all.
Meanwhile, that picture of you may make momma and daddy real proud but you can bet it’ll re-appear in two years on Democratic literature. This ain’t Cowboy County anymore, Little Buddy.
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Kinda looks like a BiG ransom note.
1The only people who will be confused in 2012 are the democrats. If you think Fort Bend is going to be a democratic county, honey you got another thing coming. As for making fun of the way people look, is this what we can expect from the democratic party and their base. What happened to decorum?
2Like momma use to say. ‘If you don’t haveanything nice to say about a person, then don’t say anything at all’. See you at the polls in 2010 and 2012!
Do you hear the heard a coming!
I do know one thing: Luther can’t spell.
3Y’all, I swear Luther’s is a real email. I can’t make this stuff up.
4Seeing that sign reminds me of how fortunate I am to be living in Vermont where there are no billboards.
5^ Ditto DC. Also, I believe Luther is real wingnut because he can’t SPELL.
6Luther says: Do you hear the heard a coming!
What’s a “heard”? Also, too, he’s a hypocrite; talking about decorum when that’s not even part of the right’s DNA. In fact, ’swiftboating’ is their middle name.
Waste more money…Waste more money!
7Where is “Lady Bird” Johnson when we need her?
8Bev Carter telling you are a bad speller is like Mick Jagger telling you you have big lips.
9I don’t know who REdmunds is but I can outspell him any day. I challenge him to an “adult spelling bee” on Sept. 18, sponsored by the Fort Bend Literacy Council at the Honor Roll School, 4111 Sweetwater Blvd.
Sugar Land, TX 77479
For more information or to become a sponsor, please contact: bcrump@ftbendliteracy.org.
Hey R, get your team together and let’s have a spell off!
10Point: Carter
Mr. Edmunds, I do believe that the ball is in your court. I’ve got $50. cash American money on Carter. She wins, the Literacy Council gets the money. You win, I give it to Brady.
There’s another fifty bucks in it if Luther will step up and join the bee.
11Actually I intended to misspell the word herd “heard” in order to engage the other side in a friendly debate about the plight of the American workplace. If you want to blame me for my misspelling of the word or punctuations, then look no further than the local independent school district. The same district in which S.B. taught at for so many years.
12I will also join in on the Spelling Bee just to take Juanita’s money and give it to Craig Brady’s campaign. She never mentioned that I had to win. Just to step up and join the bee.
On a serious note, the bickering going between parties is really dividing this country. If we continue at this pace, we will never accomplish anything other than to blame others for this country’s demise. As a staunch conservative, there are issues I feel strongly about that are not in line with the far right (Build and dang Mosque). There are also issues that I feel strongly about that are not popular with the far left (Public funding for Abortions).
See you September 18, 2010.
No, no. You have to win.
By the way, all future typos and misspellings done by me are on purpose, too.
13I like how Luther blames someone else for his mistakes. Did he stop learning after he left school?
“…engage the other side in a friendly debate about the plight of the American workplace”
What part of his initial comment mentioned anything about the American workplace?
14My spelling sucks. But I am not a professional journalist like Ms. Carter.
I put up $100. I proofread her paper for last year. She puts up 50 cents for every misspelling or gramatical error. The loser donates their money.
Should be a no brainer for her since she has editors that review and proof her professional newspaper.
No way she takes this offer.
15Okay, the way I see it, there’s close to $200 on the table. REdmunds and Luther have to send me their contact information on the same ip address that they used to post their smarty pants comments. There’s ain’t gonna be no ringers with that much cash on the line. There are consequences to making claims with your sass that your butt can’t cash – you have to show up and tell people your name. You know, like Bev and I do. Like a girl.
So, girl-up and send me your real name on the same computer you made your challenge on and expect to be asked for a photo ID that night. I can bet you an extra $10 that Luther is going to be asked to spell “puerile.”
16Okay, here’s the deal. Redmunds needs to use his real email address if he want to know why I refused to post his last entry. Geezzzzzzz….. use your real email address.
Don’t you love how Redmunds and Luther are both scared of the girls?
17These two guys are the quintessential right-wingers!! I’ll bet they neither “put up” nor “shut up” regarding the spelling bee. They are free with their blabber in emails, but in person they just parrot the wingnut line. Most of them have never had an original thought in their lives. And to engage in a public discussion on actual issues (not just Republican-fed talking points is wwwaaaaaayyyyyy beyond their capabilities. You go girls!!!
18I would like to note that as of today – March 31st – neither Luther or REdmonds fessed up with their real names nor did they enter the spelling bee.
Sissies.
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