Archive for August, 2010

A Sparkling Idea

August 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Juanita read today that Michelle Bachmann is hallucinating again. In describing Glenn Beck’s Old White People’s Pity Party in Washington, DeeCee, Bachmann said —-

“The crowds were overwhelming, and if you saw the aerials on the Drudge Report this weekend, there was an aerial photo. Unofficially, off the record, we talked to one of the guys from the National Park Police who told us he thought it was 1.6 million. There had to be over a million people there. People were packed in from the Washington Monument all the way to the Lincoln Memorial. And for anyone who’s ever been there, that’s a huge area.”

“Hell, Hon, even Glenn Beck thought there was less than a fourth of that number there.  An independent expert put the number at 87,000.  Bless Michelle’s heart, I think she’s so used to adding numbers to her IQ that she just got into the adding habit and made a damnfool of herself on teevee again.  If they gave Emmy Awards for that, she’d be a shoe-in.”

“Which brings us to this,” she continues.  “Somebody came up with the idea that Stephen Colbert should do a satire rally. ”

This would be the high water mark of American satire. Half a million people pretending to suspend all rational thought in unison. Perfect harmony. It’ll feel like San Francisco in the late 60s, only we won’t be able to get any acid.”

“I would so go to Washington Dee Cee for a humorathon.  In my mind, I’m already there.  The best part is that the Old White People Swimming in Self Pity wouldn’t get it.  No wait, the best part would be that Glenn Beck wouldn’t get it.  No wait, the best part would be watching Jon Stewart imitate Glenn Beck.  No wait, the best part would be all the hooting laughter.  No wait, the best part would that I would be there!”

Would it be the best time ever?  Would a two ton hog make a lot of bacon?

Still Hacked After All These Years

August 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


This is a walleyed snot nosed hissy fit.  Duck, because I’m pitchin’ that sucker today.

About 10 years ago, there where only 2 handicapped parking places at our courthouse.  I complained loudly and bitterly about it.  The old fat white men who ran the county tried an end around around the Americans With Disability Act by counting the courthouse annex – which is located in a whole ‘nother town – as “the courthouse complex” and put about 50 handicapped parking spaces there.

This worked out handily for them because they reserved all the parking places in front of the courthouse for themselves.  I worked for a newspaper then and I took pictures of these elected officials parking their SUV’s at the front door of the courthouse and then waddling the twenty feet to the front door.

Meanwhile, the elderly and the infirmed had to park a block away and do the best they could walking over rough roads to get to the courthouse to conduct business.

By my threatening to sue over the end run of the ADA, we got a couple more parking spaces at the courthouse.  But, not enough.

I have been attending a trial at the courthouse  the last couple  weeks.  So far, I have managed to get a handicapped parking space only once – when I got there after 2:30 on a Friday.

There are 8 handicapped parking spaces and it appears that most of them are used by handicapped county employees.  However, there are two parking spaces on the front row and 11 more on the row directly across from that — all reserved for judges and elected officials.  There’s a  movie of it right here

Public servant, my patootie!  These old fat white guys place their pleasure over the needs of the sick and infirmed.

So, here’s my plan.  Number One:  if those healthy white guys cannot walk a block to collect a paycheck (which, by the way, we should start gift wrapping), then I’m voting against every damn one of them.  Second, I’m gonna start doing bed checks.  You’re going to see me on Friday afternoons taking pictures of who isn’t parked in their spot.

I’m not joking, Elected Officials.  This is war.  And if you’ve got the same little arrangement at the new courthouse, I will open a website called WhereIsMyJudge dot com and make your lives miserable.  That’s a damn promise.

This morning, I saw an elderly woman with a walker have to traverse the potholes and the traffic to get to the courthouse she bought to see an elected official she is paying.  And that’s when I went over the edge.

Nice Idea

August 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Juanita’s friend Gramian sent her this to start her day —

If you weren’t going to vote, this is the year to vote.
If you were only going to vote, this is the year to get a yard sign.
If you were only going to get a yard sign, this is the year to give money.
If you were only going to give money, this is the year to get active in the campaign.
We each need to take our involvement up a notch or two. Or three.

“Okay, dudes and dudettes,” Juanita starts, “I cannot take one more day of having Rick Perry for a Governor.  Buy a tee-shirt, donate to Bill, call a friend in Texas, or donate a box of #2 pencils to the Harris County elections administrator.”

“On election night, I want Rick Perry to think he’s walked into a lion’s cage with a pocket full of pork chops.  Rick Perry is a cocky, self-serving, sassy son of a motherless goat and you can write that on the barn with waterproof paint.”

By the way, we just found out that the Texas Association of Realtors (oddly, TAR) endorsed Perry.  I guess they are thrilled with the real estate market in Texas.  “I’m not.  Personally, I think it’s been a TAR pit,” Juanita commented.

More on the Houston Voting Machine Bonfire

August 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Glenn Smith has come across some interesting ideas about the sudden three alarm fire that destroyed all of Houston’s voting machines.

There’s a video done by a group called True The Vote, a group of folks who believe that everybody is conspiring to take the country away from white men.

In the video, an unidentified spokesman for “TrueTheVote” says, “If we lose Houston, we lose Texas. And guess what? If we lose Texas we lose the country.” The former Mayor of Houston, Democrat Bill White, is running against secessionist Republican Gov. Rick Perry this year. White’s counting on a big turnout in his home town. The fire and the voter suppression campaign guarantee a greatly diminished turnout.

Juanita comments, “If I tell you that a jackrabbit can lay an egg, you better start looking for twigs for the nest, and I’m telling you this ain’t the end of them trying to suppress the Democratic vote in Texas.”

“Honey, never ask a Republican to guard your wallet or plan a fair election.  You’ll lose in both cases.”

It’s The Gospel Truth

August 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


“Look,” Juanita says, “the reason that 18% of the people in America call Obama a Muslim is because they can’t call him the N word.”

“There.  I said it.  And it’s the damn truth.”

“You need to jot that down somewhere because it’s the truth and you don’t need to forget it.”

Y’all, Lookie, Sarah Got a New Hairdo!

August 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

She always did kinda tower over John McCain.

(Thanks to Deb for the heads-up!)