Archive for July, 2010

Oh, Y’all.

July 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Hal’s got a You Tube of an old white man that you will love.  He gives the entire plan of how the Teabaggers are going to take back their country from the “angry Negro, Barack Obama.” Why do they claim to love America while they clearly hate Americans?

Head on over and take a look-see, and then join Beverly and Kate at the Fort Bend Democrats Headquarters.  They are both far better educated, smarter, happier, and much better looking than the angry old white guy.  Plus, either one of them could whip his hiney if he decides to start a fight.  And that alone gives me faith in the future.

By the way, Kate and Beverly both got fully trained on the Voter Activation Network this morning.  In the background you can see a committee meeting to plan resources for precinct chairs.  We are not gonna let the old white dude steal America again.  Not on our watch!

Yummy, Yummy.

July 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Most of you know that Juanita has had a ball making fun of the local GOP for not updating their website since March.  Well, they finally updated it.  And Juanita took a picture!

Now, if you click on that picture and get a larger one, you will notice that they are listing the Tea Party right up there along with the Economy, Health Care, and National Security.  “I circled it because I did not want you to miss it,” Juanita grins.

“So now whenever and wherever the Tea Party does something stoopid, it reflects directly on the Fort Bend County GOP and their candidates,” she smiles deliciously.  “I am a happy, happy, deliriously drooling quivering happy woman.”

“And there’s one more interesting thing,” she continues.  “Local GOP Chairman Rick Miller, a man who thinks it’s grand fun to blow a fog horn in a child’s ear and hit 70 year old women, has his own blog.  The first entry is dated July 6, 2010, which is kinda scary since at least until July 25th, it didn’t exist.  Damn!  Rick Miller has found the secret to time travel!  You’d think he would have used it for going back to our Founding Fathers, with slavery and women not being able to vote, like the Tea Party wants, instead of using these powerful and magical powers just to make himself look like he’s actually doing something when he’s so lazy that he has to prop himself up to spit. Republicans never cease to amaze me:  magical powers wasted on ego.”

“Miller says they are going to get to work in late August after the kids go back to school.  Rick Miller is an old white guy.  Old.  He ain’t got no kids.  What’s the problem?  He has to spend the summer yelling at the neighborhood kids to stay off his lawn?”

“Republicans: the best darn free entertainment around!”

Friday Toon

July 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club Fell Down On The Job

July 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


“Some stories are even funnier when they happen in Aladamnbama,” Juanita grins.

“It seems that a member the local ministerial alliance in Cullman, Alabama, buys his underwear at WalMart, which is not particularly surprising.  I imagine he buys his white dress socks there, too,”

“Well, Heavens to Betsy, it seems that WalMart has taken to slipping pornography on their underwear packaging.”

A local pastor’s complaint about a brand of underwear being sold with “pornographic” pictures on the packaging at the Cullman Walmart reportedly led to a recall of the product.

Frank Boren, pastor of New Hope Christian Center Church of God in the Springhill community, said he noticed the questionable underwear package while shopping at the store in May.

“I was in there shopping for some underwear one day, and looked at the men’s pictures on the packaging,” he said. “On a few of the packages they were very pornographic in the way they were dressed, in skimpy underwear, so I went to the manager and asked her if she thought it was inappropriate to be displayed.”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but the only reason I even go to WalMart is to look at the men in underwear on the mens underwear packaging,” Juanita admits.  “There’s just too few chances to see men in underwear nowadays.”

Old School Porn

“I mean, bless his heart, what did he expect to see on the underwear packaging?  Pictures of Mrs. Paul’s Fishsticks?  I mean, I’d be a tad upset if I bought a package with pictures of lawnmowers on the front and got home to open it and found men’s underwear and no damn lawnmower.”

Verdelia jumps in to comment, “Please, somebody keep this guy away from the women’s bra department.”

“Honey,” Juanita answers, “and I want to be delicate here, but I don’t think the Reverend Boren in very interested in ta-tas.”

“And I have another question,” Juanita wants to know, “where in fool tarnation is our local Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club when we really need them?  Why are they letting pornography invade the privacy of mens underwear?  Who has WalMart duty for the Belles this week?”

“I want to thank Robert for letting me know about this,” Juanita nods.  “I’m heading right over to WalMart to buy some underwear porn for the ladies in the salon to enjoy.”

Puttin’ Govmint In My Personal Bidness

July 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Republicans want to put the government in your personal business.  And, that government needs to be real big – big enough to reach all the way down to non-profits.  And to put icing on the cake, they want the courts and the Texas Attorney General to activist-up and adjudicate this.

Sen. Robert Deuell, R-Greenville, is seeking the attorney general’s help in keeping state funding for contraception and women’s health out of the hands of Planned Parenthood.

In 2005, Deuell and other anti-abortion lawmakers set up a mechanism so that federal Medicaid money for family planning and women’s wellness, such as cancer screening, would bypass Planned Parenthood because it is an abortion provider.

PP has set up a separate entity that runs abortion clinics from private funding. It also operates, with taxpayer help, a number of clinics around Texas that have long provided other medical care for women.

“Now, in some parallel world, it’s not odd that Republicans want big government and activist judges, but in this one, it’s duly noted as a tad freekin’ insane.  Let me put it this way:  if you wanted to drive the Bob Deuell crazy, it would be a very short trip,” Juanita observes this morning as she pours coffee and snark.

“Here’s Deuell’s request for an Attorney General’s ruling.  Here’s a picture of Deuell.  Here’s his official senate page.

“Ya know, if you’re anti-choice, that’s fine with me.  There’s a simple solution:  don’t have an abortion.  I have a friend who is anti-alcohol.  She doesn’t drink, but she ain’t Carrie Nation.  I have friends who don’t eat pork, but they don’t ask the Texas Attorney General to slap that short rib out of my mouth,” Juanita reports.

“This here is America,” Juanita points proudly to the flag in her salon, “unless you are my man or my ob/gyn, get the hell outta my lady bidness.”

Rightwinger icon and anti-choice loudmouth  Attorney General Greg Abbott has up to six months to make a decision.  “I wouldn’t place any money on this decision going down in favor of women,” Juanita says, “because the boys will be making those decisions for us.”


I Have It On Good Word …. (UPDATED)

July 28, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


My highly placed and confidential informants (Alfredo over at the Radio Shack and Melba at the Dairy Queen), say that  the Washington Post is working on a story regarding former DeLay staffer Glenn LeMunyon. LeMunyon’s lobbyist townhouse on Capitol Hill is allegedly a “GOP love shack” – two words I never thought I’d hear in the same sentence – where GOP members are literally “hooking up” with young female lobbyists.

The tease got published today.  It starts off innocent enough, yes it does.

GOP Rep. Lee Terry of Nebraska — who’s in a tough race against Democratic opponent Tom White — was witnessed by Page Six in close conversation with a comely lobbyist at the Capitol Hill Club in DC recently.

“Why did you get me so drunk?” Terry asked the giggling woman, among other personal remarks.

When Terry realized he was sitting near a reporter, he quickly changed the topic of conversation to his three children and the struggle to pay their college tuition.

Terry was given a 100 percent rating by the Christian Coalition for his pro-family voting record.

And later the article finds Tom DeLay’s buddy, and his townhouse.

And lobbyist Glenn LeMunyon’s DC row house has been a hot spot for lobbyists who want to meet House members, including California’s Duncan Hunter, Pennsylvania’s Bill Shuster and Terry.

LeMunyon uses the house as an office during the day, a fund-raising space Some nights, and a place for congressmen to mingle after-hours with lobbyists. LeMunyon hung up on us but responded in an e-mail that his house was not being used inappropriately by anyone. Hunter’s office declined to comment. Shuster’s office said, “It is all false.”

Locals will remember that Tom also had a townhouse in DeeCee that he used for one of his lobbying groups.  We finally discovered that the Russians donated one million dollars to pay for it.  And then there was the house in Virginia ….

…. ooowwwww, stay tuned.

UPDATE:  Come to find out, the Hoochy House in question belongs to Texas’s own Jack Fields, former Self-Righteous Republican Congressvarmint from north Houston.