The Gov Shack
Texas Governor Rick Perry is just a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
At least that’s what Juanita Jean thinks.
Today we learn the sad news that Rick’s rented Gov Shack is costing the taxpayers $10,000 a month in rent alone. It has 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms.
“Of course it has 7 bathrooms,” Juanita says with some degree of shock that people wouldn’t already know that. “It has to have 7 bathrooms because Rick Perry is full of poop.”
“And 5 bedrooms are needed because he’s in bed with so many lobbyists. Gee wiz, people, give the man a break. If he didn’t use the money saving technique of making lobbyists share bedrooms, he’d have to live in a dorm.”
But, that’s not all -
His 6,386-square-foot rental sits on more than three acres and was advertised in 2007 for sale at $1.85 million. Perry’s state-paid expenses at the home include $18,000 for “consumables” such as household supplies and cleaning products, $1,001.46 in window coverings from upscale retailer Neiman Marcus, a $1,000 “emergency repair” of the governor’s filtered ice machine, a $700 clothes rack, and a little over $70 for a two year subscription to Food & Wine Magazine.
“Y’all, I can agree that maybe, just maybe, Food and Wine Magazine might be a little tiny bit of an unnecessary taxpayer expense, but an ice machine is not a luxury in this Texas heat. It is not. I know how upset I get when someone doesn’t refill the ice cube trays so I can see how the Gov would need to hire people to come over and fill the trays and run them up to Alaska so they’ll freeze super quick and then fly them back to Texas, hoping they don’t melt in Arizona ….. wait, it’s a machine doing it? never mind.”
By the way, you can buy a whole brand new ice machine that makes and stores a half a ton of ice for $730. If you need more ice than that, you’re drinking too much.
“So, there stands Governor Rick Perry, grinning from his butt to his eyebrows, living like he won the lottery. I have one thing to say about the Gov’s new digs,” Juanita concludes, “if he can’t afford it, we can’t afford it.”
Yet another reason – as if there weren’t already enough! – to Shove the Gov. The only good thing I’ve ever heard about the Gov. of Arkansas is that he and the Miz stayed in a double wide while the governor’s residence was being redone. We should move Rickie and the Miz out and send ‘em a bill from all us taxpayers. I suggest a TEXAS TEA party with the slogan “Taken Enough Already”!!
1Juanita, I must say I’m nonplussed* by your attitude…you being in the beautifyin’ bidness and all. Don’t you know that a pretty Governor needs a pretty house with lots of mirrors, so he can make sure he always looks, well, pretty?
*seriously, when was the last time anyone used the word “nonplussed” on this Website? If any Teabagistanis are reading, that probably sent them scurrying for their Funk & Wagnalls, just in case I said a naughty word…
2Sorry but there’s no way this story is true. F&W regularly features arugula, which we all know is just another word for socialism. Agent provacateurs have clearly infiltrated the tea-bagg…er, mansion.
3I can get a fancy-pants reverse-osmosis water system installed for about $400. Some ice-maker devices recommend not using such pure water so for a lot less, I can get an in-line filtration system that will take out anything bigger than about a half-micron, add a charcoal filter to remove chlorine and other odors [1] and still have a whole lot left over to buy the ice machine. I’m thinking maybe the Governor was tired of waiting for the Ice Man to Cometh.
[1] But probably not the smell of lobbyist’s dirty socks that are being tossed into the water supply somewhere you may be sure.
4“living like he won the lottery”
He did win the lottery; the Texas Taxpayers Lottery.
5Looks like he should have spent more on “coyote repellent”.
6No mention is made of why Gov. Goodhair Perry is living in a $10,000 a month lakeside mansion instead of the Texas governors mansion…awhile back the under-renovation governors mansion was torched by an arsonist after Gov. Perry took most of the governors mansion on-site state security personnel with him out to his temporary lakeside residence, leaving a skeleton security crew (with faulty surveillance equipment) behind at the governors mansion.
In fact, it was reported after the arson attack that Gov. Perry’s office (probably Perry himself) overruled the security recommendations of the governors mansion security office regarding how many security people would guard the governors mansion while he moved to his $10,000 a month lakeside hovel. We learned then that a skeleton crew had been left at the governors mansion, while Gov. Perry’s office still refuses to disclose how many state security personnel went with him.
In other words, just like top officials in the Bush/Cheney administration back in 2001 couldn’t imagine someone hijacking planes and flying them into buildings prior to the 9/11 attacks, thus ignoring all the warning signs and leaving our nation exposed, Gov. Goodhair Perry’s office couldn’t imagine an arsonist attacking the exposed governors mansion after most of its security personnel were ordered elsewhere. If anything, Gov. Perry should have been charged with negligence and ordered to pay (our of his own pocket) for all the damage his decision caused to the governors mansion, just as the former Bush/Cheney administration officials should have been charged with negligence, but in their horrific case and especially with so many U.S. citizens killed, jailed for a long, long time.
7I live in Sillinois, (that is a suburb of Chicago) so I ain’t sayin’ nuthin’ about this.
8I hope that Gov. Goodhair falls into a hippy hollow moment and sends the textbook idiots into the oil slick.
I guess that sez how I feel.
Gove good hair needs to learn that we may not care about his choice of digs but that we will find him and make sure he is chained to his choice as the cement sinks into the lake.
9Oh sorry I mean that as a figurative statement…
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