Archive for May, 2010

Texas Is The Crazy Uncle in the Attic

May 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Through the miracle of modern big time journalism and professional political organizing, Juanita Jean Herownself has some breaking news for you.

Texas is not considered sane by foreign states and they want us to stay away from their children.

“You’re not shocked, are you?  You were expecting this.  Hell, Hon, even I think Texas is filled with crazzzy people breeding like Baptists and Johnson grass.”

“My close, personal friend Fenway Fran sent us a resolution being presented in Washington State.  Here ya go,” Juanita tacks the resolution to the bathroom door.

*_Resolution to Require Washington Public School System to Develop a Curriculum that does not Depend on Textbooks Developed By the Texas State School Board_*

*WHEREAS *the Texas State School Board flood publishing companies with requests for books they developed according to their new curriculum every five to ten years.

*WHEREAS *this flooding of publishing companies in effect lowers the cost of those textbooks developed by the Texas State School Board thus causing other states to purchase them regardless of content.

*WHEREAS* a well positioned member of the Texas State School Board has stated that 47 of 52 states purchase these books and are taught a more conservative point of point of view.

*WHEREAS *the Texas curriculum selectively eliminates historic facts and figures such as Separation of Church and State, Thomas Jefferson, Edward Ted Kennedy and Thurgood Marshall.

*WHEREAS* the Texas curriculum elevates in importance individuals such as Phyllis Schlafly, Rush Limbaugh, and Joe McCarthy, negatively influencing our present and future culture.

*WHEREAS* evolution and creationism are viewed as equal theories in Biology classes.

*THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED *that the State of Washington define a curriculum and skill set for its Public Schools.

*THEREFORE BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED* that Washington should work with other states in our region to join us in adopting curriculums that accurately represent facts.

*THEREFORE BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED* that these curriculuclua should then be presented to textbook publishers as an alternative to the Texas curriculum.
*THEREFORE BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED *that all teachers from grades K — 12 along with university and curriculum specialists participate in creating textbook outlines be presented to the publishers of textbooks.

*THEREFORE BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED* that national standards, already in existence, be considered along with a state and regional standards.

*THEREFORE BE IT FINALLY RESOLVED* that we, the Asotin County Democrats recommend that the State of Washington accept bids from various publishers to print and distribute the Washington curriculum.

“In short, they are saying that they’re gonna hide the children when Texans come in the room.”

“I can’t say I blame them.”

And Tom just let me know that California did the same thing.

The S.B. 1451 measure – approved on a bipartisan vote of 25-5 – requires California’s Board of Education to examine and report any discrepancies between the new Texas standards and California’s standards. “At that point,” Yee told Raw Story, “we will make it very, very clear that we won’t accept textbooks that minimize the contributions of minorities and propagate the close connection between church and state.”

Not Good Enough

May 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Juanita is peeved at BP.  And then she heard this —

After setback, BP vows to ‘redouble’ efforts

BP on Sunday said it will strengthen its efforts to stop the flow of oil and protect the coastline after the most recent attempt to stop the Gulf oil spill failed.

“If it wasn’t already so hot that I’m sweating, I would have caught on fire,” she hollers.

“They are going to redouble their efforts?  Did they really say that?  First off, double stoopid is still stoopid.  Second off, are they telling us that they’ve only been giving it 50% up until now?”

“No, no, no,” she says, “the time to redouble and strengthen was 30 days ago.  It’s too damn late to be talking redoubling now.  It’s just insulting now.”

Juanita’s suggestion is that BP should shut down all its oil wells and fix this one well.  “They can go back to drilling once they stop killing the Gulf Coast.  If we made that the law, a heckuva lot more oil companies would take safety seriously.”

“And the next fool who tries to talk to me about the virtues of free enterprise is gonna be reminded — Free enterprise isn’t free, we pay for it with our damn lives.”

A Real Special Place in Hell

May 28, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


There is a real special place in hell for a man who makes fun of the intelligence of an 11 year old girl.

You can listen here as Glenn Beck makes fun of Malia Obama.  And, Honey, if anybody has room to make fun of intelligence, it is NOT Glenn Beck.

BECK: (imitating Malia) Why do you hate black people so much?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) I’m part white, honey.

BECK: (imitating Malia) What?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) What?

BECK: (imitating Malia) What’d you say?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Excuse me?

BECK: (laughing) This is such a ridiculous — this is such a ridiculous thing that his daughter– (imitating Malia) Daddy?

GRAY: It’s so stupid.

BECK: How old is his daughter? Like, thirteen?

GRAY: Well, one of them’s, I think, thirteen, one’s eleven, or something.

BECK: “Did you plug the hole yet, daddy?” Is that’s their — that’s the level of their education, that they’re coming to — they’re coming to daddy and saying ‘Daddy, did you plug the hole yet?’ ” Plug the hole!

The devil is rubbing his hands together and giggling, Glenn.  Proud of yourself, Bud?  How little does your winkie have to be to do something like this?

Oh Goodie! They’re Hair Pullin’

May 28, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


The Republican Party of Texas is fighting among themselves —- again.

“I think they’ve moved from taking a leak on each other’s boots to hair pullin’ and wedgie makin’,” Juanita suspects.

“It started when a constant candidate for Party Chairman, Tom Melcher, accused the current chair, Cathie Adams, of playing hanky with the party’s money.  Money is very important to Republicans and Lord knows they’re experts at creative bookkeeping so you can hardly blame them for pointing fingers,” Juanita admits.

Sarah and Cathie

Cathie is a big buddy of Sarah Palin, but Tom Melcher was born in Wasilla, which kinda lets you know that neither one is exactly open minded and thinking kind thoughts about the President of the United States.

“Anyway,” Juanita continues while packing for a long weekend in Gulfport before there is not Gulfport, “Tom says that Cathie isn’t being honest.”

The Quorum Report has a front row seat.

This afternoon, Republican Party of Texas chairman candidate Tom Mechler issued a scathing press release accusing interim Chair Cathie Adams of diverting dollars raised for the state convention next month to pay down the Party debt.

Mechler said: “It appeared that Adams has been misrepresenting the Party’s cash on hand by treating money raised for the convention as though it were operating money. Of the $230,000 the Party has raised for the convention, only $110,000 has been paid out; the rest is already obligated, but Adams’ is acting like it isn’t. Furthermore, the convention is expected to cost nearly $600,000, and Adams has raised only $230,000.

“Cathy ain’t taking that crapola off nobody, especially some backwater hillbilly from Alaska … er, except for Sarah Palin,” Juanita laughs.  “So, Cathie, in a less than proper Republican ladylike manner called Tom a name or two.”

“Everything in that release is a lie. Mechler does not have the access to the books to be able to make those claims. It’s Russ Duerstine (an SREC member) who is running his campaign and feeding him this information.”

“Well, damn, where did Russ come from?”  Juanita wonders.

Russ Duerstine is a nincompoop from San Angelo, who thinks that Barack Obama is just this side of Beelzebub.  He wrote in the newspaper —-

SAN ANGELO, Texas — Is there any question that much of our current political angst stems from resisting President Obama’s agenda of destroying the foundation of traditional American values and principles and replacing them with his leftist vision?

“So, we’ve got Cathie who loves Sarah, Tom who loves God and Guns but absolutely not Gays, and Russ who loves nobody, especially open government,” Juanita sums it up.

“So, we have all the branches of the GOP represented:  the mean, the dumb and the crazy,” Juanita says.  “All we need is one of those guys in a tin foil hat and we’ll be set!”

“I can get you one!” Thelma offers.  “It’s Texas, Hon, find a car with a Republican bumper sticker and odds are two to one that there’s a tin foil hat inside.”

It’s Bob Day!

May 28, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


My Other Friend Bob is in the Houston Chronicle today with some dandy oil well safety regulation ideas.

You can go over there and get into a fight with Republicans, Libertarians, and all the other nut cases who thin k the free market will solve everything form oil spills to bunions.

Bob calls for —

• • An immediate moratorium on all offshore drilling that involves sea-floor well control, until standardized systems are developed and tested that prove a well can be controlled and killed without the necessity of a connected surface rig.

• • Development of a sophisticated, high-volume, subsea oil-collection system that is available 24/7 to the industry for more efficient cleanup of spills in the event they do occur.

• • Strict regulation of the types and use of oil dispersants to mitigate damage to the environment and life.

• • Complete the split of the Minerals Management Service into the three agencies, making safety and environmental regulation totally separate from the revenue and leasing functions.

• • Conform safety, equipment, procedures and inspections for all vessels working in U.S. waters, whether they are foreign or U.S. flagged. Strengthen tax regulation to assure all vessels are on equal footing.

• • Establish a subsea technology function within the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration or the MMS to advance the research, standardization and regulation of all subsea operations in U.S. waters, with the goal of making these functions safer and more reliable.

By the way, My Other Friend Bob is an oil man, but not the Dick Cheney kind.  Not even close.

Bob’s regular blog is listed on the right side over there as El Jefe Bob.

And Regular Bob is also back at work.  Check out what he’s done for Democrats.

Fort Bend County, the home of Tom DeLay, went 48.5% for Barack Obama and we’re pushing it over the top this year.  Be a part of it.  We’re going to do the Rent a Sign thing this summer where you can buy a Democratic yardsign to be placed in Fort Bend and we even put your name on it and send you a picture of it for $25.  Start saving your money NOW.

Friday Toon

May 28, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Thank you, Don Wright.