Archive for March, 2010

And Speaking of Racists ….

March 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Dammit!


Juanita feels the same way about racists as she does about guns – “I want to know who is carrying so I can avoid them.”  That’s her theory.

“I do not believe in concealed handguns,” she says.  “I think you ought to have to carry them on your hip in a holster in full view of everybody.  That way, I know who’s carrying, so when seven dudes with itchy trigger fingers who are just flirting with being on the nightly news for having shot some guy robbing the Stop-N-Shop are looking over my shoulder and across the room at each other while I pick up some milk and a lottery ticket, I know to either get my shotgun to put an end to the crossfire or leave the store.”

“I feel the same way about racists,” she continues.

“Back after the Presidential election, we hung an Obama banner here at the Beauty Salon on Inaugural Day.  A neighbor, who we only knew in passing, drove his pick-up to the salon and starting hollering the N word about our Presidential choice.  Until that moment, we had no idea what a total creep this guy was.  This really did happen.  And while Verdelia called the police, I chased him with a can of Aqua-Net and a curling iron intent on either doing his hair or ridding him of the problem.  Okay, so I really didn’t chase him, but it makes a good story.”

“I feel the same way about the Stars and Bars.  I think we should let people fly it.  If somebody is flying the Stars and Bars in Texas, where we truly don’t identify with the South very much because we’ve got Sam Houston and the Alamo and Juan Seguin and all, then you know they are a racist.  I want to know where they’re at.”

“I don’t want to sit next to one at the ballpark, pray next to one at church, or accidentally elect one to the school board or even the Senate in Missouri,” she says.

As the election draws closer, a local candidate is creating quite a name for himself.

Glenn Miller’s message is described as shocking, and horrifying.

Over the coming months he says it will be a reoccurring theme, as tries to grab a seat in the nation’s capital.

“It’s important that i provoke people,” Miller said. “I do that deliberately.”

Bashful is not a word typically used to describe the Lawrence County man.

The white supremacist has argued his values for 40 years. Now he’s trying to push his beliefs to Washington D.C. “I’m running for the Untied States Senate as a write in candidate. I’m going to do my best to win it.”

Thanks to a new radio ad, Miller’s message has been clear.

“You don’t care do you whitey,” Miller questions the public during his ad. “All you care about is satisfying your belly pocketbook and genitals and watching the coons play ball on television.”

He’s running the controversial political spots on Springfield radio stations.

“See, I think it’s better that we listen to a load of crap like that and get it right out there in the open,” she contends.  “You know as well as I do that Sarah Palin and her Teabaggers  feel that way but don’t say it on the electric radio so everybody will know it.   They talk that way behind closed doors.”

“I think we should get it out in the open where we can wave at it on the way to the voting booth.”

Juanita said that; she really did.


Oh No! It’s NOT Racist. Not at All. No, siree. Not us. We Just Don’t Like The Government. But, It Has Nothing To Do With The Black Guy.

March 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


I just got this from a Republican precinct chair.  He thought it was funny. He sends me this stuff all the time.  He, of course, is an old white guy with Medicare and Social Security.  But, he’s not a racist.  No, sireeeee.  Not him.  Just ask him.

By the way, he also sent me something goofy about Nancy Pelosi and Star Kiss Tuna.   It, of course, wasn’t true.

He’s an old white guy and he spends all day everyday sending out hate filled emails.  And no, his name isn’t Dick Cheney.  There’s another one.


Beat Me. Whip Me. Make Me Vote Republican!

March 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Okay, so the snicker factor is about a 12 on this one.

A Republican National Committee (RNC) spokesperson said the committee is looking into a large expenditure at a Los Angeles club known for simulated bondage scenes and nudity.

A Daily Caller report Monday pointed out the expenditure, which was for almost $2,000 at Voyeur West Hollywood.

But, oh no, it gets better.

An RNC spokesperson said the committee is looking into the matter, but said the expenditure was made by a non-committee staffer and added that the report erroneously hinted that RNC Chairman Michael Steele attended the club.

“The chairman was never at the location in question; he had no knowledge of the expenditure, nor does he find the use of committee funds at such a location at all acceptable,” the spokesperson said.

Never there.  No sireee.  Not at that location.  Nope.  We checked it out.  Not there.  We’re the GOP, you can trust us on this.  These are not the droids you are looking for.  Move along, nothing to see here.  Not a thing.  Nope.

Buck wants to apply for the RNC Chairman job.  “I wasn’t there either,” he claims.

If The Shoe Fits

March 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


In an attempt at International Fame and Glory, Texas State Board of Education Member Don McLeroy gave an interview to a newspaper in Canada, where they apparently speak English.  I’ve even heard that some of them can read.

McLeroy’s main complain about The Libruls is:  “They want to make it look like we are dumb morons.”

“Well, thank you for trying on that shoe, Cinderella,” Juanita laughs, “now go get in that pumpkin for your ride home.”

This Canadian interview, which is in question and answer form, makes no judgment about McLeroy’s thinking mechanisms being a tad rusty.  You get to make those decisions for yourownself.  In defending free enterprise, this came up —

Q:  But didn’t the increase in government come about because free enterprise failed during the Depression?

A:  If I weren’t a dentist, I think I’d enjoy being a teacher, because that’s a great question to examine in history class. I’m not an expert, but basically a lot of people think we would have come out of the Depression sooner had it not been for the government interventions.

“See, Juantia says, “Librul me wants to the next question to be: But, Dr. Don, isn’t the point that you want us to teach simply what “a lot of people think” instead of facts?”

“Dr. Don makes hemmin’ and hawin’ a life skill.  That man is so slick that he can’t keep his socks up.”

“However,” she smiles with great personal satisfaction, “it’s nice to know that Dr. Don isn’t really upset with The Libruls.  He said so.  In public.”

Well, I’m not so upset with liberals. But when you get way off to the left, that’s what I don’t like.

“Uh, lookie over here to your left, Dr. Don.  See those people?  They are The Libruls.  And me?  I’m the one pointing and laughing toward the right.”

Sarah’s Reloading Again – And Shooting Off Her Mouth

March 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Sarah Palin is the Anti-Juanita.  The exact opposite.

Juanita watched Sarah read her speech to the folks in Searchlight, Nevada, who apparently got so excited by the whiney voice that some woman appears to be trying to whack her with a flag.  Sarah backed off her “reload” statement and says that she just meant “re-energized.”

“Okay, Sarah the Quitter, here’s an easy way to avoid being misinterpreted.  Say what you mean.  Don’t say “pumpkin” when you mean “tiger” and don’t say “re-load” when you mean “re-energize.”  Most people learn that before kindergarten,”  Juanita explains.

So, sit back and enjoy yourself.  Here’s Sarah and That Voice Of Hers.

Kinda mad at me for starting your week that way, aren’t you?


Glenn Beck Is Pancake Short of a Short Stack

March 27, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Glenn Beck actually said this

“It’s 9/11 all over again except we didn’t have the collapsing buildings”

Do you know what you call 9/11 without buildings collapsing?

A day.

Just a normal day.

My friend Mark W. told me a great story last night.  He said the folks he works with were bouncing off the walls over health insurance reform.  They were dead solid certain that Stalin was behind it and they’ve all bought hand baskets for the upcoming trip to hell.

Mark decided to have a little wicked fun.  “Come on and listen,” he told him, “you know I’m a big Democrat and a major donor so I know all the inside information.  I know what’s next on the agneda and it’s awful, just gawd-awful.”

He had their attention.

The gathered around to hear what horror is coming next.  Mark did not disappoint.

“Listen up,” he started conspiratorially, “the next thing on Obama’s agenda is to let everybody ride the Metro for free.  Completely free.  Every Thursday.  No questions asked.”

They fell for it hook, line, and crazy cantaloupe head.

“Free bus rides?” they all hollered.  “This is not even American anymore.”

Now Mark’s got them all riled up and has more fun than anybody retelling the story to his Democratic friends.

Now, Mark’s an old Cajun fella, but I think he may be on to something.  Please help us rattle some Republicans by telling them that Obama is going to required that all pears have to be a least 4 inches around or you have to put them back on the tree and not sell them in American supermarkets.  Tell them that fishing on Tuesday between 5:00 – 6:00 p.m. has been declared illegal.  Tell them that we now have Obamaram and car wrecks have been outlawed.

Tell them anything.  Just drive them nuts.  It’s your patriotic duty.