Archive for March, 2010

Okay, Place Your Bets Here

March 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


How long before Sarah Palin quits Fox News?

I give it less than 6 months.  Maybe less.

Sarah Palin’s “other” TV show is already plagued with scandal.  I’m shocked.  Shocked, I say.

Her Foxumentary “Real American Stories” is…. wait for it… fake.

The show was touted as Sarah Palin interviewing celebrities including Toby Keith, Jack Welch (formerly of GE), and rapper LL Cool J.   The show debuts tomorrow.

Only one problem.  LL Cool J had no idea he was going to be “interviewed” by Palin.  Apparently the interview was recycled from an old one he gave back in 2008 to someone who was not Sarah Palin.  Mr. J, who never gave permission for the interview to be used, discovered the network’s intent yesterday.  You can imagine his horror.

“Well, I certainly can imagine his horror.  I think he would be required to relinquish his middle name were he to appear with Sarah Pailin.  I think any Cool you may have must be left at the door,” Juanita says while checking the rules.

So, make your bets here.  If it ends any time in the next year, Juanita promises to send a Obama baseball cap to the winner.


Hat tip to Deb.

How Much is Enough?

March 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Juanita is wondering if you remember back in the days of Republicans and their insurance business buddies pushing so hard for tort reform because that, and that alone, would lower our insurance rates so dramatically that insurance would be practically free?

Sure, you do.

Who could forget that?  We gave them tort reform so corporations could feed you poison or rip you off or damage your body with no repercussions because you can trust the free market to take care of these things.  If enough people die from eating from bad peanut butter, people will stop buying peanut butter and the companies will go out of business.  Right?  See, it’s just that easy.

Besides, we can trust juries with life and death, but we cannot trust them with something far more valuable than that – money.  We have to keep juries from holding corporations accountable because that could lead straight to — I dunno, something really, really bad.  Like unobscene profits.

And then the insurance companies can lower your premiums because they’re not having to pay out when you get mold or have a actual claim.

It all seemed to be working hunky dorey, huh?

Except insurance rates didn’t go down.  At all.

In fact, now they are trying to hide how much they are going up —

AUSTIN – An unprecedented move by the Texas Department of Insurance to publicize recent rate hikes by State Farm Insurance sparked a legal challenge from the company Tuesday over what it said was confidential information.

Texas’ largest insurer filed suit against the state agency seeking to protect from disclosure certain information that State Farm said could benefit its rivals in the insurance industry.

The legal action followed the Insurance Department’s decision to post on its Web site two State Farm rate proposals – filed over the last eight months – that increase homeowner premiums an average of 13 percent for the company’s 1.2 million Texas customers.

That’s right.  State Farm has asked for two rate hikes in 8 months because their idea of insurance is that you give them money and they keep it.  Forever.

State Farm Insurance’s chairman and CEO received an 82 percent raise after the company posted a record profit last year, a statement from the Bloomington-Ill.-based insurer said this week.

Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Ed Rust Jr. got a $5.26 million raise. He earned $11.66 million in 2006 with a base salary of $1.77 million and results-based bonus of $9.89 million, the statement said. Rust made $6.4 million in 2005 and $5.5 million in 2004.

The absence of a major catastrophe helped the insurer generate a record $5.32 billion profit last year, compared to $3.24 billion in 2005 when Hurricane Katrina hit the Mississippi Gulf Coast, release said.

They had a three billion dollar profit even when Hurricane Katrina hit.

And how have they been doing lately, even with the markets bad?

Last month – “State Farm Insurance Cos. rebounded along with the financial markets in 2009, posting a $777 million profit and boosting its net worth by 9 percent to $58.1 billion, the company said Friday.”

Which leads me to a question – how much is enough?

You know, it seems to me that the teabaggers ought to be upset about this.  But, they are not.  They have become sheeple for the irresponsible  corporate raping of citizens.

I will now hand my soapbox to someone else.  Thank you for not leaving in the middle of my rant.


It’s About Time (UPDATE)

March 31, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Goat Rodeos


One word:  Teabonics.

(Safe for Work)

That is all.  It is enough.

UPDATE: Kary sent us another one —

Hey, babe, it’s spelled The Libruls and we’re also stealing your Marks-A-Lot and your poster board.

Randy Neugebauer Goes After Liberty

March 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Well isn’t that cute?  Randy “Baby Killer” Neugebauer changed the name of his leadership PAC from TexasPAC to the Liberty Project.

Well, that’s just great.  Now that he’s ruined Texas’ name and made everybody ashamed of it, he’s going after Liberty.  I give him two months to disgrace Liberty.  Any takers?

I guess that Washington Yacht Club Members PAC was already taken.


Thank you, TEA Party

March 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Goat Rodeos


Who wouldda thunk it?  Juanita s perfectly delighted with the Tea Party people today, after she read this

Contrary to historical trends, the Houston Chronicle notes one of the toughest challenges facing U.S. Census officials is “not from counting the traditionally undercounted groups such as African-Americans and Latinos. Instead, a new and growing threat to an accurate national head count is coming from anti-government conservatives who may not fill out their forms to protest against ‘Big Brother’ in Washington.”

In Texas, some of the counties with the lowest census return rates are among the state’s most Republican, including Briscoe County in the Panhandle, 8 percent; King County, near Lubbock, 5 percent; Culberson County, near El Paso, 11 percent; and Newton County, in deep East Texas, 18 percent. Most other counties near the bottom of the list are heavily Hispanic counties along the Texas-Mexico border.

“Oh yes,” she whoops, “ten years after Tom DeLay tried to marginalize the Democratic Party by gerrymandering Texas to his liking, his co-hearts are going to reverse the tables by shooting themselves in the foot.”

It could not happen to a more deserving bunch of people.

“And, all the old white people don’t forget, sending in your census is the first step to indoctrinating your grandchildren to be transgendered tattooed welfare queens who smoke dope and vote Democratic.  Don’t take that risk,” she warns.


Wait a Minute! Wait a Minute! Wait Just a Damn Minute!

March 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Tacked to the snack room door

The Minuteman Civil Defense Corps, which posted hundreds of civilian volunteers along the U.S.-Mexico border over the past five years, has disbanded, citing what it called “rising aggression” in the country and decisions by lawmakers in Washington who have “pushed amnesty down our throats.”

“The mental attitude of many Americans is turning meaner … and we are concerned that this could cause problems,” MCDC President Carmen Mercer told The Washington Times on Monday. “You see aggression surfacing even at the tea party marches. We just did not want to deal with the liability anymore.

“Turning meaner?  Did she say ‘turning meaner’?  Somebody run that flag a little higher up the pole, Honey, because I think my hearing is hiking,” Juanita nearly snorts coffee on Verdelia’s hair this morning.

“These are the Border Minutemen – the meanest damn people on earth.  They have to look up to see the bottom of hell.  They get all duded-up in their paramilitary gear and announce they are going to protect the border with their binoculars and more small arms than the Italian military.  And now they want to back down?  What?  Did the media leave?”

“Carmen Mercer is one mean hussy.  She’s the only woman I know who clips coupons for ammo,” Juanita tells everybody who hasn’t already lost their hearing from the racket she’s making hollering about the irony of this situation.  It seems that earlier this month, the Border Hoarders had a different attitude —

The MCDC announcement that it was dissolving came as a surprise to many in the movement, particularly in light of pronouncements by Ms. Mercer earlier this month that the organization was looking for more volunteers this year to show up on the border “locked and loaded.”

“This muster will be completely different. … We return to the border locked, loaded and ready to stop each and every individual we encounter along the frontier that is now more dangerous than the frontier of Afghanistan,” she said in a March 16 posting on the MCDC Web site. “This operation will not be for the faint of heart.”

“I suspect they’ll tell us that ‘locked and loaded’ was one of those Sarah Palin metaphors for ‘giving those poor people a cool drink of water,'” Juanita suggests.

“I suspect that her excuse has about the same amount of fact as a turtle has feathers,” she says.  “I’ve heard of people changing directions, but you’d think she was at a square dance with a drunk for a caller.”

“She invented mean,” Thelma pipes in.  “She has the patent on mean.  She has a mean machine that meanorates on British Mean Day with a Mean-o-licious punch to the to her meanaide ….”

Somebody tell Thelma to shuddup before she hurts herself.